21 Items You Only Have In Your Kitchen If You Have Small Children

Most of the visible ‘crockery’ at home is made of plastic.
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A plumber steps into your kitchen and immediately says: “Ah, I can see you have children.” How do they know? Well, they might have spotted any one of these telltale signs…


1. Most of the visible ‘crockery’ is made of plastic. Ditto the cutlery.

2. At least three shades of jam stain decorate the cupboard doors.

3. A rogue plastic teat beside the microwave. 

4. An overflowing bin - every day - with a hint of furtling nappy about it.

5. A test-tube brush sits on the draining rack…

6. … As do the reusable straws that it regularly cleans out.

7. A washing machine that has never yet been idle for more than 30 minutes.

8. A fridge door that looks like THIS

When your fridge door looks like this one can assume you have kids.

9. Or alternatively covered in alphabetical fridge magnets.

10. A single dry, shrivelled pea on the floor. You’ll have one there right now. Guaranteed. Go have a look! 

11. Pastry cutters in the shape of pigs, robots and unicorns.

12. A homemade fairy door, tacked to the skirting board.

13. The remains of last weekend’s ‘science project’ - yet another messy adventure featuring vinegar and baking soda. 

14. Half-drunk beakers of water/milkshake upon every flat surface.

15. Leftover sandwiches, cut into little squares, sit forlornly on the sideboard.

16. At least 17 types of breakfast cereal, each one briefly in favour before being spurned for something else.

17. An optimistically loaded fruit bowl.

18. A turquoise or pink plastic stool for little people to reach the worktops. It is always ALWAYS one of those colours. 

19. Super-absorbent kitchen paper, with a bulging stockpile of replacements.

20. An abandoned craft project featuring egg boxes.

21. A whiteboard that started out as a place to write ‘to dos’ and ‘to buys’, but has long since turned into a kids’ doodle board.


See Also

17 Items you only have in your lounge if you have small children

23 Little Things You Only Learn As A Parent

11 Items you’ll only recognise if you have kids

8 Reasons you’re late leaving the house… again


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