FOR ALL AGES

85+ Baby Jokes That Are Guaranteed To Get A Giggle

We know that being a new parent is not easy but a good joke can ease it up.

Having and raising babies is a blessing while simultaneously being the most challenging job in the world.

Parenting is a tough job for new parents as well as experienced ones. Handling a baby's moods, feeding and bathing them, and putting them to sleep is only a few of the things a parent does.

However, you can't help falling in love with them. You end up feeling blessed whenever they go to sleep or get excited watching the tiniest of things around them, or when they hug you so affectionately. So, we've come up with a bunch of babies' jokes to get you to relax, have a little laugh, and enjoy yourself.

If you would like to read more cute articles about jokes and puns, check out Cute Jokes and 45+ Mother's Day Puns To Up Your Card Game This Year.

Baby Jokes To Make You Drool In Laughter

Here we have some funny baby jokes or infant jokes and some jokes about having a baby that'll make you drool. Putting a baby to sleep may be difficult, but chuckling alongside these jokes won't be.

1. What can one call a group of soldier babies? An infantry.

2. How did the mom figure out her son dirtied his diaper? He sent her a pee-mail.

3. How do storks deliver babies? They deliver them stork naked.

4. Did you hear about the bed bug that was pregnant? She's having the baby in the spring.

5. Did you know that babies born on holidays are more likely to be girls than boys? Probably, because there are no mail deliveries on holidays.

6. Did you hear about the father who got worried when his wife started shouting, "Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Couldn't! Can't! Didn't!" when she was in labor? Well, the doctor said, "Don't worry, those are just contractions."

7. What is the least favorite holiday of a baby that is breastfeeding? It's Hall-o-wean.

8. What do you tell someone if they ask you if they should have babies after 40? I'd say, "No, 40 babies are more than enough."

9. What do you do when your baby is being fussy? I'll pacify it.

10. Did you hear about the mom who got scared when she saw a strange baby in the baby's crib? The father told her, "But you told me that I need to change the baby."

11. Have you heard about the lady that traveled to the ocean when she was having her baby? She probably needed a sea section.

12. What does a baby computer call her old man? She calls him 'Data'.

13. Did you hear about the lady that recently had a sea section? I heard that she had a bouncing baby buoy.

14. Why did the husband bring his pregnant wife a small lizard? Because she told him to go out and get her a baby monitor.

15. Can you remember what you called your security blanket back when you were little? Not really, I am drawing a blankie.

16. How would you make baby ghosts laugh? I'd play peek-a-boo with them.

17. What did Batman give to Robin to decorate his baby's crib? He gifted a batmobile.

18. What would you call it if your baby refused to go to sleep? I'd call it resisting arrest.

19. Where do all the fish babies sleep? They sleep in bass-inets.

20. What would you name a baby potato? I'd call it a small fry.

21. Have you heard the joke about the daughter of Sean Connery's brother? Well, it was a little niche.

22. What would you say to someone with a new baby? I'd say, "What happened to the old one?"

Jokes For Babies

Pick up your baby boy or girl and read these jokes out loud.

This list has some great jokes about babies. Some jokes are for the babies themselves, while the entire family can enjoy the new parent jokes.

23. Did you hear the news regarding wooden car seats? The seats just come with a sign that reads, 'Baby on Board'.

24. What do you usually call a newborn baby? You can call them anything you want.

25. Did you hear about the guy who played poker with his friends and gambled his newborn son? His friends now realize that they might need to raise him.

26. Have you heard about the woman who thought the hospital mistakenly switched her babies at birth? Well, they were identical twins, so we can't be sure.

27. What would you call a group of baby turkeys that are very upset? They are all crying fowl.

28. Why do parents dress their babies in onesies? That's because the babies can't dress themselves.

29. Why was the baby reluctant to be born? Probably because he didn't want to give up his free womb and board.

30. What would you call a cow who just had a baby? She'd be a new moother.

31. What do singles need less of than triplet babies? Less womb.

32. What would you tell someone who said that your daughter and wife look like twins? I'd say, "you know, both of them were separated at birth."

33. When is a baby's laugh not the most beautiful thing you've ever heard? When it's 3 a.m. in the morning, you're home alone, and you don't have a baby.

34. What did the mother fire tell her husband just after their son was born? She said, "Honey, look. This is arson."

35. Between Mr Bigger, Mrs Bigger, and their baby, who's the biggest? Their baby, because she's a little bigger.

36. Have you heard about the baby who was born at a high-tech hospital? I heard that the baby came out cordless.

37. What would you call a newborn baby monkey that looks just like his father? A chimp off the old block.

38. What did the husband goat say when his wife informed him that they were having a baby? He said, "Wow, you're kidding."

39. How warm or cold is a baby when it's born? It's womb temperature.

40. Did you hear about the dad that failed to make his wife laugh with his jokes during labor? She later said it was the delivery.

41. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? It asked, "Where is pop corn?"

42. What did the father say when he saw "16 to 28 pounds" written on the side of a diaper box? He exclaimed, "Well, that's one extreme bowel movement!"

43. Have you heard about the couple who landed on the name Pete when they heard they were having a boy but had to change their plans when the doctor later told them they had twin baby boys? They decided that they would name their other baby boy 'RePete'.

44. What is a baby python's favorite toy? The rattle-snakes.

45. Why did the baby strawberry keep crying? It's because her parents were in a jam.

Newborn Baby Jokes For New Parents

Here, you'll find some of the funniest new baby jokes and newborn jokes. This list also includes perfect jokes for new dads and excellent jokes for new moms, which will help parents up their newborn baby humor game. We know that some of these jokes will really make you giggle!

46. How did the baby know she was ready to be born? She was running out of womb.

47. Why was a baby drop of ink weeping? Because her dad was in a pen, and she didn't know the duration of his sentence.

48. When do all parents change their baby's diapers? They do it in the wee wee hours.

49. Did you hear about the baby tomato that started lagging behind mama tomato and papa tomato during their morning walk? I heard that the papa tomato told the baby tomato, "Catch up!"

50. What did the papa buffalo tell baby buffalo when his paternity leave was over? He said Bison.

51. What do you call a boat that recently got a baby dinghy? I'd call it a mothership.

52. What would you call a team of baby garbage bins? They'd be called a litter.

53. How should you behave around baby goats? Like a kid.

54. Do I need to have the baby shower? Well, not if you change the baby's diapers very quickly.

55. Who was holding the baby octopus for ransom? It was the squidnappers.

56. What do the baby dolphins do when they don't get their way? They whale.

57. What decision did Frosty the Snowman and his wife take regarding their baby's crib? They decided to hang a snowmobile.

58. Where do parent ghosts keep baby ghosts during the day? At day-scare centers.

59. Where do baby cats go to learn swimming? They go to the kitty pool.

60. When potatoes have babies, what are they called? Tater tots.

61. What would you do to get an astronaut's baby to go to sleep? I'd rocket.

62. What would you give a baby pig that has a diaper rash? I'd give it some oinkment.

63. Have you heard about the baby that ate some scrabble tiles? The next diaper change spelled disaster.

64. What would you say to someone if they said they were exhausted because they were awake with their baby till 4 a.m.? I'd say, "It's not good to keep the baby up that late."

65. Did you hear that the couple that met while working at an instruction book company just had a baby? They named their baby Manuel.

66. Why did the infant decide to go on a diet? Because she wanted to lose the baby fat.

67. Why were the baby and her mom kicked out of a crowded theater? Because the baby yelled, "paci-fire!"

Hilarious Baby Jokes That Are Also Cute

Putting a baby to sleep is hard when you're home alone.

In this list, you'll get to read some amazing baby jokes, the funniest newborn joke, and cute baby jokes that will make you bust out your weirdest laugh right in front of your baby. We know some of them are good enough to be your favorite.

68. What social media app helps babies fall asleep by playing monotonous and long-winded conversations? Napchat.

69. Where do all babies post status updates about their feelings? Babybook.

70. Which app helps babies to look at thousands of photos of their grandparents? Insta-gran.

71. What social media site helps babies find other babies to go on playdates with? Tindergarden.

72. Which Beastie Boy is the favorite of all the babies? A+D rock.

73. What do babies usually play in a band? They play guitars hooked up to 'Waah! Waah! Pedals'.

74. Which Led Zeppelin album do babies adore? It's Infant Through The Out Door.

75. Which candy bar do all infants prefer? It's the Baby Ruth.

76. Which rapper can't babies get enough of? Childish Gambino.

77. What would you call a baby who's a stand-up comedian? A kidder.

78. What type of poodles do babies love the most? Toy.

79. Why did the new mom demand a wage from the hospital? Because she wanted them to compensate her for the labor.

80. Why did the baby candy put her dad in the freezer? Probably because she wanted an ice pop.

81. How do baby ghosts cry? They go, "Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!"

82. What did the Pharaohs make use of to keep babies quiet? They used Egyptian dummies.

83. What did the mom snake say to her crying baby snake? She told him to quit crying and viper his nose.

84. What was the baby cow told by the mom cow? She said, "It's pasture, bedtime."

85. Did you hear about the baby who swallowed a watch? The doctor told the parents to give the baby some Epsom salts, which should help him pass the time.

86. What would you call it if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake? It'd be a bouncing baby boa.

87. What would you do if someone asked you to tell a pun about an unvaccinated baby? "I know I shouldn't say it, but I'll still give it a shot."

88. What would you call a baby owl if it got caught in the rain? It'd become a moist-owlette.

89. What did the papa jar say when he first held his newborn baby? He exclaimed, "mason!"

90. What's another name for a baby adoption center? The stork market.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 85+ Baby Jokes, then why not take a look at Potato puns and jokes, Wedding Puns, or 'I love you' puns.

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Kidadl Team

The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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