100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns

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Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy.

Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas.

They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Now, it must be clear why building the Army is important.

There are many divisions in the Army. The Army is the branch that fights on land, the Navy and Marines are the ones that fight on water, and the Air Force fights in the air. These are the people fighting on the borders of our country and putting their lives on the line so that we can live peaceful lives. People in the Army have a unique lingo and speak the same language as each other. It is not that they don't speak the same language as the country they belong to, but their unique lingo helps create a sense of unity. Here are a few jokes for soldiers to share with friends and family. In this list, we have provided several funny army jokes, funny navy jokes, and some of the funniest army jokes for kids.

If you would like to read more great jokes, check out Knight puns and jokes and Batman jokes.

Puns About Army

These are some air force puns, air forces jokes, and puns about the army that will help you up your air force humor. Here's a list with puns about the army.

1. I used to be an artist before I joined. Afterward, they told me I'd never be an officer. Probably because I always kept drawing fire.

2. My friend recently got promoted from captain to a higher rank. I'm sure it was a major day for him.

3. One day, I sent my baby one day to the Army. They put her in the infantry.

4. People who wear sleeveless shirts in the Army defend their right to bare arms.

5. A man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas later joined the Navy. I guess he is a seasoned veteran now.

6. If you feel like you are not being thanked enough in the army, don't worry about it. Cavalry officers never say tanks.

7. I once got both my arms shot off when I was serving. But I shouldered on.

8. The soldiers once raided the home of a rebel from the Middle East. It turns out he kept his CDs In Iraq.

9. When my friend was in the Army, Chieftain used to be a rank and not a tank.

10. My instructor told me that he never saw me at the camouflage practice. I replied, "Thank you, sir!"

11. A writer should be comfortable joining the Navy because he is already familiar with magazines.

12. Brooms can be great army officers since they can easily perform good sweeps.

13. I once heard a story about a Roman army that became famous after selling milk products to people. It was Legion Dairy.

14.The veteran who became a volleyball coach told his students that the most important skill is knowing how to serve.

15. The Roman Army never actually fell. They all moved to our nearest star system instead. They just became Alpha Centurions.

16. I once heard that the German soldiers only ever liked one specific kind of pastry. It was the luft-waffle.

17. Attila and his army saw some strange otherworldly ships over their battlefields. It's said these were 'Hun Identified Flying Objects'.

18. The US navy decided to attack Turkey one day, probably because it was the day of Thanksgiving.

19. I once heard about a general that retreated from a Navy fleet that was wearing sandals. He was scared of de-feet.

20. An army of dragons destroyed and consumed everything in their path. It was the arma-dragon.

21. The first thing that the pigs learn when they join the Army is 'ham to ham combat'.

22. A soldier in Egypt was eating ice cream while he was quitting the Army. He was clearly a dessert-er.

23. There was once a medieval horse that joined the Army. Everyone called it a knight-mare.

24. The stupid branch is the army probably is the Knavies.

25.When the man told the emperor that they had 385 volunteers, the Lord told him to round them up. He just replied in return, "Okay. 400, my liege."

Puns With Proper Army Humor

You don't have to search for military jokes of the day.

Here you'll get the best of puns with these Army, Air Force, and military references.

26. Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing rule during the pandemic. But the people in the Navy can certainly fathom it.

27. Some soldiers came up to my door to recruit me once. But I saw them and bolted.

28. During the American Civil War, on the first day of the third month of the year, both sides' armies had to March first and then have breakfast.

29. I know a great joke based on the National Guard and Army Reserve. But it only works on one weekend of the month.

30. I served under the calmest commander of the US Navy. General Anesthesia helped put all the internal disputes to bed.

31. My grandfather once told me that when he was a soldier he fell in love with three women between 1940 and 1950. He described it as a real hectic evening.

32. I was in the Army. When I came back home, I started working with animals. Now I'm a military vet.

33. Miss Muffet once led an army battalion to Syria, which failed. There were some Kurds in her way.

34. My father used to work as a baker when he was serving. He used to go in all buns glazing.

35. I wanted to know if my dad ever got shot while he was serving. When I asked him, he told me, "No, but I got shot when I was fighting".

36. I had a senior officer that didn't like playing the minor scales. So one day, I said, "Play a flat major."

37. The gynecologist gave the lady a veteran discount and told her, "Thank you ma'am, for your cervix."

38. Once, a Roman commander accidentally decimated ten from his platoon. It was one in ten dead.

39. The Army of pigs was taught how to avoid a 'hambush'.

40. There was a guy named Will who decided that he never wanted to be a soldier. It was because he heard them say, "fire at will!"

41. The Mongolian Army was always one steppe ahead of their enemies.

42. Old Macdonald's son joined the Army rather than doing farming work. I guess now he is E.I. G.I.Joe.

43. There was once an army of drawing tools. Their commander was the ruler.

44. My grandfather used to work as a mime in the Army during WWII. He doesn't like talking about it.

45. The only Army that doesn't require individuals to wear uniforms is the Salvation army.

46. Two PFCs were walking down the street when one of them suddenly said, "Oh! Is that a dead bird?" The Second PFC got worried, looked up towards the sky, and said, "Where? I can't see it!"

47. When the army wants goes undercover into an acting school, they are actually sending in their troupes.

48. An army of baby cows has to be the calf-alry.

49. The helicopter had lot of bullet holes. All it needed was Apache.

50. The soldiers had to get rid of some bugs. So they did it with a raid.

51. The only kind of plant that grows in the garden of a soldier is ambush.

Army Jokes

Here we have some army marine jokes, army basic training jokes, some short military jokes, clean military jokes, an air force joke, and an army joke for a funny soldier.

52. Where do the kings put their armies? In their sleevies.

53. What do the army lions make sure to carry? A meat wagon.

54. How do army soldiers greet each other when they ride in helicopters? They say helo!

55. Why didn't the soldier raise his hand when the sergeant asked for the laziest man for a comfortable job? Because he said, it was too much trouble to raise his hand.

56. Who is the most noteworthy group in the Army? They'd be the specialists.

57. What did the soldier say when he forgot something? He shouted, "Ah shoot."

58. Why did the soldier keep dynamites in his trunk? So that if needed, he'd have it handy to blow up his tires.

59. What did the soldier say before he started dancing? He said, "Battle, Buddy! Please cover me when I move!"

60. How do the soldiers freshen their breath? They do it with a tic attack.

61. What would you call the camera of a soldier? Cam-o.

62. How can you make the eyes of a soldier light up? You just shine the flashlight in their eyes.

63. What should someone say if an enemy soldier hands them something? They should say, "Flank you".

64. How do soldiers say goodbye? They say, "Chow."

65. What military branch is the favorite of the horses? It's the Neigh-vy.

66. What kind of sergeant usually carries a long stick along with them wherever they are going? The Staff Sergeant.

67. What would you call it if a soldier leaves to go to play some game? That'd be called a deplayment.

68. What would you call a soldier who makes you stay beside them at all times? They'd have to be the company commander.

69. Why did the soldier decide to cut a hole in their carpet? Because he wanted to watch a floor show.

70. What do the soldiers read whenever they get bored? A magazine.

71. What would you call a gun that is loaded with ammo? It'd be a ri-full.

72. What form does everyone in the Army have? The uniform.

73. How do you recognize it if a soldier has made some chocolate chip cookies? When there are a few M&Ms shells scattered on the floor.

74. What do all the soldiers like watching? The LMTVs.

75. What would you call a plan which stinks in the Army? The OPODOR.

76. Which place on an army base needs the most cleaning up? It's the Mess hall.

Jokes Filled With Military Humor

There's no scarcity of funny military jokes here.

In this list, you'll find some jokes about the army, army military humor, air force jokes, soldier jokes, veteran jokes, and boot camp jokes that will help you up your sense of veteran humor.

77. What kind of music do soldiers love listening to the most? Ruck and Roll.

78. What would you say if a soldier accidentally put some horrible paint on the left side of his face? He has a great Right Face.

79. How do the soldiers move when they want to get an orange slice? In a wedge.

80. Who in the Army uses the bathroom the most? The lootenant.

81. What is the main similarity between the army and musical composition? They both have majors.

82. What would you call it if a soldier saves something? It'd be in the reserves.

83. What would you call the baby that was born on an Air Force plane? Airborne.

84. What would you say if a stranger Ranger tries talking to you? Ranger Danger.

85. What would you call the soldier who's good at caring for animals? A vet.

86. Which soldier has to be very careful around Thanksgiving? It's the full bird Colonel.

87. Where do the soldiers get their shoes? The Boot Camp.

88. What would you call it when a soldier takes a dump? A troop poop.

89. What would you call a Drill Sergeant who's polite? A Drill Sergeantlemen.

90. What would you call the Private if they get exposed? The Public.

91. What would you call the sergeant if they were in the Space Force? The Stargeant.

92. What would you name ten captains? They'd be Capten.

93. What was the soldier doing in the restroom? His doody.

94. How did Steve get his lungs injured when he was serving? The sergeant told him that he needed to blow up the tank.

95. What position do the baby plants serve in the Navy? The Infant tree.

96. What did the octopus say when a recruiter asked if he wanted to join the Navy? He said, "No, thanks. I have enough hands on deck."

97. What did the Colonel say when someone asked him the lowest rank in the Army? He replied, "It's Private."

98. How many soldiers does it require to change one lightbulb? [CLASSIFIED]

99. Did you hear about the man that shared a rented property with another man in the Army? He took the right half, and the army man was the left tenant.

100. Have you heard that the American soldiers recently arrested an Australian pigeon on suspicion of being a spy? It seems that it was staging a coo.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes and puns for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Army jokes and puns, then why not take a look at cop jokes, or Father's Day jokes.

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