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121 Best Dwight Schrute Quotes For 'The Office' Fans

Funny and motivational 'The Office quotes.'

'The Office' is an American comedy TV show.

'The Office' series is the story about the employees' daily life in the office. In the series, a group of company workers entertains you with their little adventure in the workplace.

The show first aired on 24 March 2005 and ended on 16 May 2013. With a total of nine seasons, it is sure to become your favorite comedy show related to the workplace. Rainn Wilson played the character Dwight Schrute. In the series, Dwight Schrute is a salesman at Dunder Mifflin, a paper distribution company. He is an abled and competitive salesman and often displays his knowledge to impress his boss.

In the final episode, Dwight Schrute becomes a regional manager. Although he is an ignorant person, he is always ready to face any problem and never disappoints to face any challenge. Get motivated and inspired in your workplace. Read below the quotes by Dwight Schrute from 'The Office.' If you love reading our Dwight Schrute quotes, you could also read our 'The Office' Christmas quotes and 'The Office' Birthday quotes.

Dwight Schrute Best Quotes From 'The Office'

Make your life fun-loving. Get a chance to get motivated with the best Dwight Schrute quotes. Let the best Dwight quotes inspire you. Don't forget to discover the abbreviation of Dwight, according to Dwight Schrute.

1. "I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me."

-Dwight Schrute.

2. "I never smile if I can help it, Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. Someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

-Dwight Schrute.

3. "Before I do anything I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing."

-Dwight Schrute.

4. "Why are all these people here? There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."

-Dwight Schrute.

5. "D.W.I.G.H.T – Determined, Worker, Intense, Good worker, Hard worker, Terrific."

-Dwight Schrute.

6. "I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England."

-Dwight Schrute.

7. "It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose."

-Dwight Schrute.

8. "You know what they say, those who can’t farm, farm celery."

-Dwight Schrute.

9. "Do I have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, February 14th."      

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Schrute Beet Quotes

Dwight Schrute has a beet farm left by his grandfather. He remembers his childhood days growing up on the beet farm. Here are some of the best Dwight Schrute quotes.

10. "Is it beet season? Because you look ripe and ready for picking"

-Dwight Schrute.

11. "Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm."

-Dwight Schrute.

12. "As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing to do is put it out of its misery."

-Dwight Schrute.

13. "First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow. I need this beet right now.' Those are the money beets."

-Dwight Schrute.

14. "You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize."

-Dwight Schrute.

15. "If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses."

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Schrute Birthday Quotes

Birthdays are fun, right? In every office, birthdays are celebrated. Let's see what Dwight Schrute has to say about birthdays. Read the best Dwight Schrute quotes about birthdays.

16. "Today is your birthday? False. Today is the anniversary of your birthday."

–Dwight Schrute.

17. "Jim Halpert: Is there a birthday that you remember that you loved?

Dwight Schrute: Here's one: it was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light, an intense pressure like I'd never felt before, father dressed in white, pulls me forward, mother bites the cord."

-'The Office.'

18. "Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality and then, moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year! What about you."

-Dwight Schrute.

19. "Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap."

-Dwight Schrute.

20. "Jim Halpert: Are you kidding?

Dwight Schrute: Well I'm not done yet.

Jim Halpert: Dwight, this, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown them up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?

Dwight Schrute: They match the carpet."

-'The Office.'

21. "Dwight: Party planning committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority.

Phyllis: Where do we get those?

Dwight: Not my problem. Here is a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by."

-'The Office.'

22. "There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair."

-Dwight Schrute.

'The Office' Halloween Quotes

'The Office' quotes about Halloween day celebration.

On Halloween day, the evil spirits are supposed to come down to earth and try to frighten the people away. So, to avoid them, people wear costumes and lit lights. Read the funny 'The Office' quotes about Halloween.

23. "Dwight: [eyeing Jim’s costume] What is that?! What are you supposed to be?

Jim: I’m a three-hole punch version of Jim. ‘Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch."

- 'The Office.'

24. "Phyllis: What are you? A monk?

Dwight: I am a Sith Lord. [looks at Jim] Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars."

- 'The Office.'

25. "Darryl: I asked for a list. [Dwight rides in on a tricycle, laughing diabolically] …and a clown.

Dwight: I’m Jigsaw, idiot."

-'The Office.'

26. "[dressed as the Joker] Hm mm mm mm. Want to see a magic trick? Heh heh heh! I’m gonna make a pencil disapp– oh! [elevator doors close, reopen.] Disappear."

-Dwight Schrute.

27. "What are you again? Oh yeah, three hole PUNCH! [punches Jim]"

-Dwight Schrute.

Weird And Great Dwight Schrute Quotes

Start your day with a broad smile. Explore life and experiences. Read the Dwight Schrute questions, quotes and more for an exhilarating day ahead.

28. "I always wondered how they picked the person to die. I’d be good at picking the person."

-Dwight Schrute.

29. "Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty."

-Dwight Schrute.

30. "Michael Scott: Why do you have a diary?

Dwight: To keep secrets from my computer."

- 'The Office.'

31. "People learn in lots of different ways, but experience is the best teacher."

-Dwight Schrute.

32. "I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure."

-Dwight Schrute.

33. "I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly."

-Dwight Schrute.

34. "Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last!"

-Dwight Schrute.

35. "Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."

-Dwight Schrute.

36. "In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is 'Oh, I broke my leg!' A lion comes and eats you, you’re dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, you’re dead!"

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Schrute Sayings To Better Your Day

Start your day in the office with a smile. Dwight Schrute as a salesman is unconventional and has extreme ego problems. 'The Office' quotes by Dwight Schrute are always fun and have something to take away. Read the best of Dwight Schrute.

37. "Therefore, I know the killer to be Phyllis… The person who I most medium suspect."

-Dwight Schrute.

38. "Michael is like Mozart, and I’m like Butch Cassidy. You mess with Mozart and you’re gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy."

-Dwight Schrute.

39. "I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors."

-Dwight Schrute.

40. "This is a beautiful moment, which leads to the question: How many takes did it take to film it?"

-Dwight Schrute.

41. "Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck."

-Dwight Schrute.

42. No, I disagree. 'R' is one of the most menacing of sounds. That’s why they call it murder not ‘muckduck’."

-Dwight Schrute.

43. "I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves."

-Dwight Schrute.

44. "Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms."

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Fact Quotes

Dwight Schrute always likes to point out things with facts. His facts are, although somewhat absurd, valid to some extent. Here is a collection of the thoughtful Dwight Schrute facts quotes.

45. "Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat."

-Dwight Schrute.

46. "I am faster than 80% of all snakes. "

-Dwight Schrute.

47. "World War II veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight."

-Dwight Schrute.

48. "Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things"

-Dwight Schrute.

49. "People say, 'oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace.'"

-Dwight Schrute.

50. "All you need is love. False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter."

-Dwight Schrute.

'The Office' Food Quotes

Dwight Schrute always has to say something about things in life. Even when it comes to food, he has to say something funny yet educational. Enjoy these 'The Office' Dwight quotes about food.

51. "Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation."

-Dwight Schrute.

52. "Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."

-Dwight Schrute.

53. "There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re downriver from that old bread factory."

-Dwight Schrute.

54. "The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies."

-Dwight Schrute.

55. "Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it."

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Schrute Best Moments

Dwight Schrute tries to create every moment worth remembering for the audience. The best Dwight moments from 'The Office' quotes are listed below.

56. "Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"

-Dwight Schrute.

57. "Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you’re gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone."

-Dwight Schrute.

58. "In an ideal world, I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching."

-Dwight Schrute.

59. "They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy!"

-Dwight Schrute.

60. "There was a terrible war, ugh, so many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn’t destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died."

-Dwight Schrute.

61. "You know, I really would’ve appreciated a heads up that you were into dating mothers. I would’ve introduced you to mine."

-Dwight Schrute.

62. "My perfect Valentine’s day? I’m at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the fifty restaurant reservations I made over six months ago."

-Dwight Schrute.

63. "Of course, martial arts training is relevant…Uh, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ…You know what, you can go to hell, and I will see you there. Burning!"

-Dwight Schrute.

64. "I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew"

-Dwight Schrute.

65. "And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in."

-Dwight Schrute.

66. "I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do this… Maybe they have something against living forever."

-Dwight Schrute.

67. "If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people."

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Funny Moments

'The Office' quotes bring to you funny moments. It is one of the hilarious workplace series to be watched if you are tired of working all day and feeling overburdened with work. These Dwight quotes are from hilarious moments in the series and are among the best Dwight Schrute quotes.

68. "Step aside, Jim. There’s a new funny guy at the office."

-Dwight Schrute.

69. "I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cause that’s the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it."

-Dwight Schrute.

70. "Ryan: Did you see Saw?

Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time."

-'The Office'.

71. "I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years, and we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams."

-Dwight Schrute.

72. "I did fall on my sword once, I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again."

-Dwight Schrute.

73. "My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious."

-Dwight Schrute.

74. "Pam: Maybe we can put the box back together.

Dwight: Impossible. He opened it like an ape."

–'The Office'.

75. "I wanna have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything."

-Dwight Schrute.

76. "This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not fart."

-Dwight Schrute.

77. "The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel."

-Dwight Schrute.

78. "Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? ...No. But life goes on... not for me."

-Dwight Schrute.

79. "I always knew I would be destroyed by my own creation, but honestly, I thought it would be that bull that Mose and I are trying to reanimate."

-Dwight Schrute.

80. "There are 3 things you never turn your back on: bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season"

-Dwight Schrute.

81. "As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I've been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailored her for six nights straight. Turns out…she was. With a couple of guys actually, so…mystery solved."

-Dwight Schrute.

82. "No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes."

-Dwight Schrute.

Famous Dwight Schrute Quotes

Best Dwight quotes about the workplace.

The workplace is always full of ups and downs and, most importantly, clashes between our coworkers. Similarly, in 'The Office' series, we get to see the work culture. 'The Office' quotes are sure to entertain you. Read below the best Dwight Schrute quotes.

83. "Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors."

-Dwight Schrute.

84. "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."

-Dwight Schrute.

85. "I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther."

-Dwight Schrute.

86. "Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man’s."

-Dwight Schrute.

87. "How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable."

-Dwight Schrute.

88. "I just want to be friends plus a little extra, also I love you."

-Dwight Schrute

89. "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless."

-Dwight Schrute.

90. "And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t."

-Dwight Schrute.

91. "Now that I own the building I’m looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center? Muahahahahahahahaha…Well I guess it’s not an evil idea, it’s just a regular idea, but there’s no good laugh for a regular idea."

-Dwight Schrute.

92. "Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet so fine call me a Sasquatch!"

-Dwight Schrute.

93. "It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos."

-Dwight Schrute.

94. "It’s never the person who you most suspect. It’s also never the person you least suspect since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most."

-Dwight Schrute.

95. "I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them."

-Dwight Schrute.

Funny Dwight Schrute Quotes

'The Office' is one of the best comedy shows. The dialogues are sure to make you laugh all day. If you haven't watched the series, why not take a look at the funny Dwight quotes.

96. "Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked."

-Dwight Schrute.

97. "I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow."

-Dwight Schrute.

98. "She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. And I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier."

-Dwight Schrute.

99. "Identity theft is not a joke, Jim. Millions of families suffer every year."

-Dwight Schrute.

100. "I am making a citizen’s arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. And you have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight’s rights."

-Dwight Schrute.

101. "Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed my own circumcision."

-Dwight Schrute.

102. "Many ideas were not appreciated in their time. Like shampoo."

-Dwight Schrute.

103. "A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged."

-Dwight Schrute.

104. "I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office."

-Dwight Schrute.

105. "I am better than you have ever been or ever will be."

-Dwight Schrute.

106. "I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do."

-Dwight Schrute.

107. "Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!"

-Dwight Schrute.

108. "Listen to me! I love you! And I don’t care that Phillip’s not my son! I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers if it means I can be with you!"

-Dwight Schrute.

109. "Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don’t, you’ll be eaten in your sleep."

-Dwight Schrute.

110. "And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor."

-Dwight Schrute.

111. "When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby."

-Dwight Schrute.

Dwight Schrute One-Liners

Here are some of the best one-liners by Dwight Shrute from the show 'The Office.' Why not read 'The Office' quotes and enjoy your day in the office. The Dwight quotes have surely connected with the audience with their enthralling words.

112. "I overslept. Dang rooster didn’t crow."

-Dwight Schrute.

113. "The eyes are the groin of the head."

-Dwight Schrute.

114. "Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops?"

-Dwight Schrute.

115. "A three ounce fetus is calling the shots."

-Dwight Schrute.

116. "I don't believe in coddling people."

-Dwight Schrute.

117. "Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years."

-Dwight Schrute.

118. "You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once."

-Dwight Schrute.

119. "Not everything is a lesson Ryan. Sometimes you just fail."

-Dwight Schrute.

120. "Blink once if you want me to pull the plug."

-Dwight Schrute.

121. "In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all: it’s fear. Merry Christmas."

-Dwight Schrute.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Dwight Schrute Quotes then why not take a look at 'The Office' Love Quotes or 'The Office' Senior Quotes.

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The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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