50 Best Football Jokes That Will Make The Crowd Go Wild

Little boy and girl playing football together and smiling.

If you have some big football fans in your family, they're sure to have missed the beautiful game during lockdown, whether they go to big matches, watch the games on TV or even play in a local or school team.

Here at Kidadl, we've been trying to keep the game alive, bringing you all sorts of content, from brilliant books for sports-mad kids and podcasts for tweens and teens, to the recipe for making a football pitch cake at home. And we're keeping the football party alive with some brilliant funny football jokes to keep the whole family laughing.

Cheeky Football Jokes

Parents and two children all on the sofa laughing at a joke.

Do your family support different football teams and enjoy teasing each come match day? Then these funny kids jokes about football that target someone else's favourite football team are for you.

What is the difference between The Invisible Man and [insert team name]? There's more chance of seeing The Invisible Man at the World Cup Finals!

I left two [insert team name] tickets on my car dashboard yesterday. Somebody smashed the window and left two more.

The new manager of [insert team name] is really tough and doesn't stand for any messing around. Last Saturday, he caught some fans climbing over the stadium wall. He grabbed them and shouted "Get back in there and watch the match until the end!"

What is the difference between [insert team name] and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup!

What does a [insert team name] fan do after watching their team win the World Cup? Turn off the PlayStation!

Football Player Themed Jokes

Kids football team in red kit running on the pitch.

Do your children have a favourite football player? Now they can use their favourite to make the whole family laugh with these funny puns for kids.  

Why was the world's best footballer always asked to tidy up their room? Because they were Messi!

Which footballer makes the best coffee? Diego Costa!

Who was the horse's favourite footballer? NEIGH-mar!

What blows at 100mph and always scores? A Harrykane!

Who's the most dangerous footballer? Eden Hazard!

Why is Messi like a magician? He has loads of hat tricks!

Why are Man City better than Everton? They have twice as much Silva!

What is the best way to protect your house from terrible football? A Guard-iola dog!

What's really healthy and scores a lot of goals? Fruit Salah!

Who was the sheep's favourite footballer? Paul PogBAAA!

One-Liner Football Jokes

Little girl wearing big flower headband giggling at a joke.

If you like a football joke that just rolls off the tongue, you'll love these one-liners.

England are playing Iceland tomorrow in a football game. If they win, they’ll play Tesco’s next Saturday and then Asda on Wednesday.

Two hours of football and the goalkeeper is still England’s top scorer…

My computer’s got the ‘Bad-Goalie Virus’. It can’t save anything.

Question And Answer Football Jokes

Two young girls smiling and joking around.

Do your children like to team up to entertain you? These funny kids football puns have a question and answer style, so siblings can join forces as a football funny comedy duo.  

What do football players drink? PenalTEA!

Where do football players dance? At a football!

What did the bumble bee say after he scored a goal? Hive scored!

How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!

Why don't grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!

Why did the chicken get sent off? For persistent fowl play!

Why should you avoid playing football against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!

Why was the football player upset on their birthday? They got a red card!

What do you call someone who stands in between goalposts and stops the ball? Annette!

Which top football team's favourite food is ice-cream? Aston Vanilla!

Where’s the best place in America to buy the new season football kit? New Jersey!

Why was Cinderella fired from the football team? Because she always ran away from the ball!

What's a goalkeeper’s favourite food? Beans on post!

What is a ghost’s favourite football position? Ghoulkeeper!

Why did the football coach bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game? He was hoping for a draw!

In the Greek Mythology League, which player scored the most goals ? The centaur forward!

What did the football coach do when the pitch became flooded? He sent on his subs!

Why do football players always succeed in school? They know how to use their heads!

Which part of the football pitch smells the best? The 'scenter' spot!

Why did the football quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around!

Why doesn't anybody build football stadiums in outer space? Because there's no atmosphere!

Why are football players like babies? They both dribble!

Why did the footballer hold their boot to their ear? Because they like sole music!

What runs along the edge of the pitch during a football game but never moves? The sideline!

Why did the football pitch end up as a triangle? Somebody took a corner!

Why did the footballer take a length of rope on the pitch? They were the skipper!

How do football players keep cool during a match? They stand near the fans!

What are Brazilian fans called? Brazil nuts!

Why did Ebenezer Scrooge end up with the football? Because the ghost of Christmas passed!

What did NASA use when they built a football pitch on the moon? AstroTurf!

Why can’t Cinderella play football? Her football coach is a pumpkin!

Why don't fish play football? They're scared of nets!

Why do footballers struggle to eat sandwiches? They think they can't use their hands!

What's the chilliest football ground? Cold Trafford!

Are lightning bolts good at football? No, they're shocking!

Why couldn't the car play football? It only had one boot!



At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents.

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Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability.

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