FOR ALL AGES

51 Best John Mulaney Quotes To Brighten Your Day

Humorous and zestful quotes to be vigorous all day

John Mulaney is famous for his show 'Saturday Night Live.'

John Mulaney was born in Chicago on 26 August 1982. His mother taught at Northwestern University Pritzker School of Law as a professor, and his father was an attorney.

John Mulaney went to Georgetown University and majored in English literature. He attended university along with fellow comedian Nick Kroll. He went to St. Clement School and St. Ignatius College Prep for schooling. From his childhood, he always wanted to be in show business. So, after graduating from Georgetown University, he moved to New York. In New York, he started working at 'Comedy Central' as an assistant. His full name is John Edmund Mulaney. His parents are of Irish descent.

In 2008, he had an audition for 'Saturday Night Live.' After years of writing and performing in the show, he became a famous stand-up American comedian. He has been working as a stand-up comedian for 18 years now. He is also a writer, producer, and actor. Do you remember the animated movie 'Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse'? John Mulaney is an actor in and the writer of that movie. For Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics, Mulaney was awarded the Primetime Emmy Award in 2018.

In 2014, Mulaney married Annamarie Tendler, who is a makeup artist. Annamarie Tendler has also worked for shows like 'CollegeHumor Originals' in 2006, 'The CollegeHumor Show' in 2009, and 'The Six' in 2011.

Trust your smile, and nothing can stop you if you start your day with a beautiful smile. A day with a positive attitude can set everything in the right way. You can begin your day reading something lively, uplift your energy, and set the mood. If you love reading our highly energetic quotes, you also take a glance at comedian quotes and Tina Fey quotes.

John Mulaney Quotes To Be Happy

Why not lighten your mood for the day? Nothing is as relaxing as watching a comedy movie or reading something lively and witty. The ticket to happiness is right before you. When you are down, perceive life with a positive attitude. These quotes are sure to brighten your day and bring a smile to your face. Explore the enthusiastic and comical comedian quotes to start your day with a smile.

1. "I look back on being 17 and think, 'Oh my God, how did I not die?'"

-John Mulaney.

2. "The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time."

-John Mulaney.

3. "I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it."

-John Mulaney.

4. "I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster."

-John Mulaney.

5. "I don't make plans anymore. So I'm not living minute to minute."

-John Mulaney.

6. "My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don't think we had a family dinner where one didn't come up."

-John Mulaney.

7. "Nick Kroll, A.D. Miles, Chelsea Peretti - those were the people I was always doing open mics with."

-John Mulaney.

8. "I have too many influences to name. I like a wide variety of stuff, which I think has been helpful. I liked every comedian I saw on TV growing up in the '80s. Every comedian."

-John Mulaney.

9. "Being president looks like the worst job in the world."

-John Mulaney.

John Mulaney Dad Jokes

Hilarious quotes to start your day with a big smile.

Mulaney says he had intense conservation with his mom and dad when he was just a six-year-old boy in one of the following quotes. As a six-year-old young boy, he had to participate in this earnest conversation. Here, we have collected the best John Mulaney quotes about his dad.

10. "My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un-fun. But in retrospect, it's kind of hilarious."

-John Mulaney.

11. "I look like I was just sitting in a room on a chair eating saltines for, like, 28 years."

-John Mulaney.

12. "My dad came home from work and my mom told my dad that she cleaned under my bed and found a shoebox with two cigarettes and a Cosmopolitan, which prompted my dad to ask. 'How does John know how to make a Cosmopolitan?'"

-John Mulaney.

13. "All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it."

-John Mulaney.

14. "I remember one time I was in bed, and my dad came in and he said 'Good night, John! Did you brush your teeth?' and I said, 'Yes', But here’s the thing...."

-John Mulaney.

John Mulaney Funny Quotes

John Mulaney, a stand-up comedian, surely knows to make people laugh a lot.  You can check out some John Mulaney skits also. They are intense and somewhat educational, yet humorous and lighten your mood. The best of John Mulaney quotes to bound to make you laugh out loud. Read these funny john Mulaney jokes.

15. "I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under."

-John Mulaney.

16. "If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter."

-John Mulaney.

17. "It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them."

-John Mulaney.

18. "You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don't know what they're talking about."

-John Mulaney.

19. "When I'm walking down the street I don't think anybody goes, 'Hey look at that man', they're just like 'Woah, that tall child looks terrible'."

-John Mulaney.

20. "I still like to turn on the TV and watch whatever's on."

-John Mulaney.

21. "I'm pretty self-critical about everything I've ever done: stand-up, 'SNL.'"

-John Mulaney.

Hilarious John Mulaney Quotes

The comedy lines of John Mulaney are hilarious. Read the strikingly witty quotes from his standup comedy TV show to lighten your spirits from your depressing life. These funny John Mulaney quotes will certainly raise your spirits.

22. "Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it."

-John Mulaney.

23. "Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn't be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it."

-John Mulaney.

24. "I was bullied when I was in school for being Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I'm not Asian-American."

-John Mulaney.

25. "Now I get to say, 'my wife' which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It's fun to say 'my wife'. I'm looking forward to saying it a lot. 'Get away from my wife!' 'No one talk to my wife!' 'I didn't kill my wife!'."

-John Mulaney.

26. "Most open-mic experiences I had were okay."

-John Mulaney.

27. "For those of you who don't know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep, but your body gets all 'Eye of the Tiger' and soldiers on."

-John Mulaney.

John Mulaney Best Jokes

Smiling lessens your worries. When you smile, you can start your day on a positive note. When we try harder and try to solve our lives' problems, we can discover the magic of happiness and success. John Mulaney surely knows how to make people burst with tears out of laughter. Enjoy the John Mulaney quotes.

28. "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting."

-John Mulaney.

29. "I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me."

-John Mulaney.

30. "I played basketball for five years and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away —​ then they’re just pants."

-John Mulaney.

31. "It’s nice when you’re nervous and everybody’s like, 'Yeah, you should be nervous.' Because a lot of times you’re anxious and people say, 'Relax. Shut up.' And that just feels like, Well, I guess I’m also crazy.”

-John Mulaney.

32. "It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of 'Law & Order' in my apartment."

-John Mulaney.

John Mulaney 'New In Town' Quotes

Want to read something serious and amusing? John Mulaney always has something to share from his real-life experiences. Every story he shares is hilarious. Here we give you a sneak peek at the funniest adventures of John Mulaney. Remember, every day is your day. It would be best if you dealt with it tactfully. Enjoy reading the John Mulaney quotes.

33. "You ever seen on 'America’s Most Wanted' when they age a photo of someone? Just take my kindergarten photo and yellow the teeth and put bags under the eyes and be like 'This is what he would look like now'."

-John Mulaney.

34. "I used to sit around and think about what to do about quicksand! I never thought about how to handle real problems in adult life. I was never like, 'Oh, what’s it gonna be like when relatives ask to borrow money?'"

-John Mulaney.

35. "My mom would blame me for things that happened on the news. That is true."

-John Mulaney.

36. "I’m one of the worst drivers I’ve ever seen, and I just want you all to know that if you’re ever on the highway behind me, uh, I hear you honking and I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing. I don’t like that I’m in that lane either, and I sure would like to get out of it!"

-John Mulaney.

37. "Now I live in New York and I’m psyched, but that is a stupid movie title. Lost in New York? The streets are numbered. How’d you get lost in New York?"

-John Mulaney.

38. "My brothers and sisters and I had this babysitter named Veronica when we were kids, and I was in love with her. I was in love with Veronica. She would babysit us on Saturday nights."

-John Mulaney.

John Mulaney Quotes On His Life And Experiences

Some people find John Mulaney not funny

As a teenager, even John Mulaney had his bad days. But, he struggled hard to get rid of his bad habits. If you sit idly at home doing nothing, you are sure to become prone to depression. A little bit of courage and trying hard to do something can bring your life exciting. Looking for some encouragement and boost up your spirits? Remember, no one is perfect. Each one of us is working hard to achieve something in life. Get rid of your negative thoughts with positive ones. Why not start with a John Mulaney quote? Read the Mulaney quotes with his amusing examples.

39. "If it's something very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for the sake of being controversial."

-John Mulaney.

40. “When you have something that you did so many jobs on and were so front and center on, and then people dislike it, you want to learn lessons from it, and you want to move on, and you want to move on too fast.”

-John Mulaney.

41. "My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you."

-John Mulaney.

42. "As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don't know, I just got quieter... With my friends, I was still an extrovert."

-John Mulaney.

43. "I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it gets pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it'."

-John Mulaney.

44. "I don't look older, I just look worse."

-John Mulaney.

45. "I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don’t wanna name an actual airline so let’s make one up, let’s just call it like Delta Airlines."

-John Mulaney.

46. "I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don't get a laugh but I love them so they stay."

-John Mulaney.

47. "13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don't like about you. They don't even have to look at you for long. They'll just be like 'Ha, ha, ha, ha hey look at the high waisted man. He got feminine hips' And I'm like 'No! That's the thing I'm sensitive about'."

-John Mulaney.

48. "Just because you're accurate doesn't mean you're interesting."

-John Mulaney.

49. "College was like a four-year game show called 'Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep?'."

-John Mulaney.

50. "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair."

-John Mulaney.

51. "Irish people don't want comfort. Look at a sweater made in Ireland. It's like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads."

-John Mulaney.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for John Mulaney Quotes then why not take a look at Robin Williams Quotes or Chris Farley Quotes.

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Kidadl Team

The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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