34 Bill Maher Quotes From The Comedian And Television Host

Bill Maher quotes are hilarious and thought-provoking
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William Maher, popularly known as Bill Maher, is a famous political commentator, comedian, and television talk show host from America.

Bill Maher is loved by millions of his fans for his unique and controversial views on religion, and politics. Bill Maher is an active supporter of animal rights, too.

Bill Maher uses his comedic skill to mock everything that is wrong with society. Talk shows like 'Politically Incorrect' and 'Real Time With Bill Maher' gained Bill Maher a huge number of fan following. He is an expert on landing jokes and it shows. Listed below you'll find some hilarious Bill Maher quotes along with Bill Maher atheism quotes and Bill Maher religion quotes.

If you like what you are reading, then check out our other quotes article Jimmy Fallon quotes and Chris Farley quotes.

Best Bill Maher Quotes

Bill Maher won millions of hearts with his talk show 'Real-time With Bill Maher', along with his other works. Bill Maher always has had some great things to say and listed below we have some great Bill Maher quotes for you to read.

1. "As for the shows, he had suffered only a bit less horribly than the crowds who had had to watch him that weekend-watch him die four slow, painful deaths."

- Bill Maher, 'True Story'.

2. "If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it's not because he's gifted. It's because intellectually, you're a child."

- Bill Maher.

3. "Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became."

- Bill Maher.

4. "We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities."

- Bill Maher.

5. "I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again."

- Bill Maher.

6. "My personal savior is common sense. And as far as God goes, I prefer to believe in one that would want me to use the excellent brain he gave us all."

- Bill Maher, 'When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden'.

7. "It was difficult, in fact, even to measure maturity among comedians by any of the usual societal yardsticks; certainly, age was not a factor."

- Bill Maher, 'True Story'.

8. "The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people."

- Bill Maher.

Famous Bill Maher Quotes

Bill Maher quotes are pretty well-known.

Bill Maher quotes are as famous as his talk show, 'Real Time With Bill Maher'. Check these popular Bill Maher quotes out.

9. "You can't criticize a governor for not hiring black people for his cabinet when his state has no black people."

- Bill Maher, 'New Rules'.

10. "I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally."

- Bill Maher.

11. "The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality."

- Bill Maher.

12. "If you're going to have a rally where hundreds of thousands of people show up, you may as well go ahead and make it about something."

- Bill Maher, 'The New New Rules'.

13. "While you're telling me how your March Madness bracket is doing, you must also fill me in on your vacation and show me pictures of your kids."

- Bill Maher.

14. "I defy you to name one thing accomplished by religion that is dependent upon religion."

- Bill Maher.

15. "And the more comedians there were, the more the bargaining power of each descended."

- Bill Maher, 'True Story'.

16. "If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone."

- Bill Maher.

17. "Before I die, could someone make one more movie I want to go see?"

- Bill Maher, 'New Rules'.

Funny Bill Maher Quotes

These hilarious Bill Maher quotes will make you laugh and think simultaneously. Check them out.

18. "Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies."

- Bill Maher.

19. "To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'."

- Bill Maher.

20. "The next reality show must be called America's Stupidest State. We'll start at 50, and each week, if your state does something really stupid with, say evolution or images of the Virgin Mary, you'll love on to the next round."

- Bill Maher.

21. "Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

- Bill Maher.

22. "You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president."

- Bill Maher.

23. "Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning."

- Bill Maher.

24. "With Stem cell research properly funded, scientists believe we could do everything from curing Parkinson's to regenerating spinal cord tissues in Democrats."

- Bill Maher, 'New Rules'.

25. "My bank must stop trying to sell me identity theft protection. You know why I expect you to protect my money? Because you're a bank."

- Bill Maher, 'The New New Rules'.

Interesting Bill Maher Quotes

Bill Maher quotes are interesting.

Check out these interesting quotes from the American talk show 'Real Time With Bill Maher' host Bill Maher.

26. "The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority."

- Bill Maher.

27. "Be honest: It's not a religion; it's just an excuse for a bake sale."

- Bill Maher, 'New Rules'.

28. "Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that."

- Bill Maher.

29. "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."

- Bill Maher.

30. "Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do."

- Bill Maher.

31. "What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don't call him stupid because they don't agree with you politically."

- Bill Maher.

32. "When opportunity knocks, all some people can do is complain about the noise."

- Bill Maher.

33. "The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs."

- Bill Maher.

34. "We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies."

- Bill Maher.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Bill Maher quotes then why not take a look at [comedian quotes], or [Rodney Dangerfield quotes]

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