FOR ALL AGES

56 Burt Macklin Quotes From Andy Dwyer's Hilarious Alter-Ego

'Parks and Recreation' is an extremely funny series

Burt Macklin is one of the fictional characters from 'Parks and Recreation' series, an American sitcom, who is a split personality of Andy Dwyer.

“A multiple personality is in a certain sense normal,” even after George W. Head said it, Andy’s alter ego and personality as Burt is indeed weird and hilarious at its par. Andy and Burt, being the two sides of the coin, bring out a great comic saga together in 'Parks and Recreation'.

He finds himself from a fictional town, Pawnee, Indiana. He comes into existence whenever there is a case to investigate which interests him. Here are the  best Burt Macklin quotes from 'Parks and Recreation' which are hilarious in their own ways.

If you like the Burt Macklin quotes from 'Parks and Recreation', do not forget to check out [Andy Dwyer quotes] and [Parks and Rec quotes].

Best Andy Dwyer Burt Macklin Quotes

Andy is one of the favorite characters from 'Parks and Recreation', maybe even the funniest one! Here are the best Burt Macklin FBI quotes by Andy in the series.

Andy plays an important character in 'Parks and Recreation'.

1. “Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems.”

- Andy Dwyer.

2. “Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia? I'd love to take that bastard down.”

- Andy Dwyer.

3. “We had to ‘Jetsons’ most of the poster too, but I kind of like it, 'cause windows are the eyes to the house.”

- Andy Dwyer.

4. “I had to. Also, I had a banana on the way over here. [he takes a banana peel off the saxophone case and tosses it in the trash] Sorry.”

- Andy Dwyer.

5. “You don't have to play the unity concert, but don't quit music. Please.”

- Andy Dwyer.

6. “Maybe. I was out at a jazz club last night, scouting bands for the unity concert, and I saw something very interesting.”

- Andy Dwyer.

7. “What's 5,000 times better than a candle in the wind?”

- Andy Dwyer.

8. “This song is called 5,000 Candles in the Wind. [plays guitar and sings] Up in horsey heaven Here's the thing You trade your legs for angel's wings And once we've all said goodbye. You take a running leap and you learn to fly Bye-bye, Li'I Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'I Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind.”

- Andy Dwyer.

9. “April is the best. But she's 20. When April was born, I was already in 3rd grade. This means if we were friends back then, I'd have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. My God, I could've killed her.”

- Andy Dwyer.

10. “The bad guys from Karate Kid 2? Even worse. How about Germany? They've never been the bad guys.”

- Andy Dwyer.

11. “In high school, my buddy David Fundis would have these campouts in his backyard. We would just chill out, have a bonfire, talk about whatever was on our mind. We called it Camp David.”

- Andy Dwyer.

12. “Delegates! I know that you're angry with each other. Hopefully, this will be your opportunity to have your very own Camp David.”

- Andy Dwyer.

13. “How do you know about camp David?”

- Andy Dwyer.

14. “Also, can you bring back Power Rangers? I don't know what it is you do, but you seem important enough to get that done.”

- Andy Dwyer.

15. “Simple solution. I break into her college and I change her degree to accounting. Easy. On my way out, look up at the blackboard, what is that? Impossible math equation? I solve it. X equals Y, obviously. Professor comes up to me and says, ‘I've been working on that for 50 years. Why don't you accept this math trophy?’ By the time he turns around, I'm gone.”

- Andy Dwyer.

16. “I'm gonna miss the food in Pawnee. Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, and most of all, I'm gonna miss you, Leslie.”

- Andy Dwyer.

17. “Margaret's pecan squares. They are like crack. I brought you one.”

- Andy Dwyer.

18. “It's so much more beautiful than I could have ever even imagined.”

- Andy Dwyer.

19. “These kids are idiots. I've just traded all of Finland's boring stuff for every other country's lions? I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now. I have no idea what's going on. But if that ends up meaning something in this game, I'd say I'm set.”

- Andy Dwyer.

20. “First, we do the written exam, and then we do the personality evaluation, which I feel like I'm gonna nail, 'cause people always say, ‘But he's got a great personality.’ Okay, quiz me.”

- Andy Dwyer.

Fantastic Burt Macklin And Janet Snakehole Quotes

In the beginning Andy was with Ann but later starts a relationship with April Ludgate and gets married to her as well. Here are some of the most fantastic Burt Macklin FBI agent and Janet Snakehole quotes from 'Parks and Recreation' show. Select your favorite from the show and enjoy.

Burt Macklin FBI is the name of the alter-ego of Andy in 'Parks and Recreation'.

21. “Hey, honey? I just traded Finland’s military to Kenya for 50 lions. That’s pretty good, right?”

- Burt Macklin.

22. “Assault and battery. The way I remember that I picture 35 a-salt shakers and 42 batteries.”

- Burt Macklin.

23. “I respect you, little buddy. Come here. Mm, respect noogie.”

- Burt Macklin.

24. “Ooh. Well, first, I would be like, Dad...You're alive? What the hell? Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?”

- Burt Macklin.

25. “According to Urethra Franklin, that's exactly how it's spelled.”

- Burt Macklin.

26. “Just got a headache. And I'm seeing double. And I got a song stuck in my head, and my teeth hurt. Also, I'm hungry.”

- Burt Macklin.

27. “Your secret is safe with me. To even it out, I'm gonna tell you all of my secrets.”

- Burt Macklin.

28. “I once forgot to brush my teeth for 5 weeks. I didn't actually sell my last car - I just forgot where I parked it. I don't know who Al Gore is, and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask. When they say ‘2% milk’, I do not know what the other 98% is. When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw a beer at a swan and then it attacked my niece, Rebecca.”

- Burt Macklin.

29. “Burt Macklin, FBI. The best damn agent they had, until I was framed for a crime I didn't commit. Stealing the president's rubies.”

- Burt Macklin.

30. “Do I have to tuck my shirt in? because honestly, that's kind of a dealbreaker.”

- Burt Macklin.

31. “Burt Macklin is on the case.”

- Burt Macklin.

32. “Burt Macklin, FBI. You thought I was dead? So did the president's enemies.”

- Burt Macklin.

33. “Burt Macklin FBI. They said I was retired. They said I was too dangerous for the Pawnee Police Department. Turns out they were right. And wrong.”

- Burt Macklin.

34. “Looks like this Siberian husky is going to be Russian...off to jar.”

- Burt Macklin.

35. “Don't you do it, Hitler, don't you dare fall in love with me.”

- Burt Macklin.

36. “Greg Pikitis. Would you like some hot boiling coffee, in your face?”

- Burt Macklin.

37. “This case just got interesting. Well not just. It was pretty interesting, to begin with. This case just remained interesting.”

- Burt Macklin.

38. “Oh, my assistant has something she'd like to show you, partner.”

- Burt Macklin.

39. “Also from now on, we'll be using code names. you can address me as 'Eagle 1'.”

- Burt Macklin.

Amazing Burt Macklin Security Quotes

Chris Pratt played the rile of Andy in the 'Parks and Recreation' show. Andy has an alter ego, Burt Macklin FBI Agent while his wife April has an alter-ego Janet Snakehole. Check out some of our favorite quotes by Andy Dwyer as Burt Macklin.

40. “I dedicate this victory to April Ludgate. It feels good. And it feels sticky. From the Gatorade.”

- Burt Macklin.

41. “Whoa. Then it could be about a girl...Or Peyton Manning.”

- Burt Macklin.

42. “Oh, no, no, no. Don't go there. They totally skimp on pickles. Let me go to Bighead Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.”

- Burt Macklin.

43. “No, no, no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy last year.”

- Burt Macklin.

44. “The Meagles are weird. The words that they say sound passive, but seem aggressive. I feel like there should be a term for that. Like, ‘nicey-meanie’.”

- Burt Macklin.

45. “Here's what happened. I left my sweatshirt at Ron's cabin. When I went back to get it, I found this in the trash: Positive pregnancy test. Side note: I accidentally threw my sweatshirt away. That's why I was digging through the trash. Found that too. Pretty cool. So if my science is correct, one of the five women who were at the cabin - Leslie, Donna, Ann, Mona-Lisa, or April - is pregnant! Can't be April. She would've told me. That leaves four suspects.”

- Burt Macklin.

46. “Unless he's in trouble, there's only one man for the job. Burt Macklin, FBI.”

- Burt Macklin.

47. “Don't worry, babe, I'll protect you. I got stung once, I'm immune. Go ahead and sting me, bees. It does nothing.”

- Burt Macklin.

48. “No! What? Are you kidding? This is awesome. Look around. The bloom of youth. Like flowers on the sunset of an eagle's poetry.”

- Burt Macklin.

49. “Hey, you know what, dude? You gotta take your mind off of them. Check this out. It's a contract. It came from the station manager where I do my show, Johnny Karate. He wants me to sign it, but it says that they'll own the character, "Johnny Karate." And I want to own the character Johnny Karate, 'cause it's me.”

- Burt Macklin.

50. “I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.”

- Burt Macklin.

51. “That high five was your birthday present. Just kidding. That wasn't it. I got you something else. I wrote you a song.”

- Burt Macklin.

52. “Fairway Frank, you're gonna die You're gonna fry, oh, yeah.”

- Burt Macklin.

53. “April, you're like an angel with no wings.”

- Burt Macklin.

54. “Was he killed by a younger, stronger barber?

Andy, you have to save me. I'm camping with people I work with.”

- Burt Macklin.

55. “You like potato and I like potahto You like tomato and I like tomahto Potato, potahto Tomato, tomahto Let's call the whole thing off. [song ends] Uh... I mean, that sucked, didn't it?”

- Burt Macklin.

56. “And the hardest part about living in this pit is probably keeping my suit pressed. And the rats. It's like a freaking rat parade every night. I just want to be close to her house, because I need to protect her. 'Cause there are some weird people that live around here.”

- Burt Macklin.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Burt Macklin quotes, then why not take a look at Tom Haverford quotes, or funny tv quotes.

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The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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