FOR ALL AGES

90+ Funny Dad Quotes That He Will Love

A father is a pillar of strength for the kids.

Becoming a dad is like becoming the king of a kingdom.

Being a dad means taking on the responsibility of little people weaker than you. Dads go through a rough and challenging time to make ends meet to fulfill every family member’s needs and desires, especially his children.

Though, most of the time, a mother holds a higher position in a child’s life, a father acts as the foundation of a newborn child’s entire life. A dad’s love can sometimes be hidden, but it is that invisible shield that protects his children from the toxicity of the world foreign to his newborn child. They are the real superheroes. The dad figure has always been someone serious in your life. Here are a few quotes that will show you the funny side of a man’s journey in becoming a dad. Love your dad, keep him happy, and know that he loves you.

If you like these quotes, check out these [funny mom quotes] and [funny family quotes].

Funny Quotes For Dads

Every man becomes a father just by giving birth, but becoming a dad means that they must live with their child and raise them to be better than who they were. Read on for some funny fathers day quotes along with funny birthday quotes for dad.

Funny father quotes are enjoyed by everyone.

1. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”

- Rita Rudner.

2. “Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rear-view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.”

- Stewart Francis.

3. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.”

- John Kinnear.

4. “The worst thing that can happen to a man is his wife comes home and he has lost the child.” “How did everything go?” “Great, we’re playing hide and seek and he’s winning.”

- Sinbad.

5. “My wife just let me know I’m about to become a father for the first time. The bad news is that we already have two kids.”

- Brian Kiley.

6. “Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.”

- Margaret Mead.

7. “Whenever I fail as a father or husband, a toy and a diamond always works.”

- Shahrukh Khan.

8. “The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family.”

- Reed Markham.

9. “It is a wise father that knows his own child.”

- William Shakespeare.

10. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

- Charles Wadsworth.

11. “Today, while the titular head of the family may still be the father, everyone knows that he is little more than chairman, at most, of the entertainment committee.”

- Ashley Montagu.

12. “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, You’re tearing up the grass. We’re not raising grass, Dad would reply. We’re raising boys.”

- Harmon Killebrew.

13. “A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.”

- Paul Lewis.

14. “A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.”

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

15. “Every father is the architect of his home life.”

- Reed Markham.

16. “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”

- Billy Graham.

17. “It’s only when you grow up and step back from him–or leave him for your own home–it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.”

- Margaret Truman.

18. “Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.”

- Robert Orben.

19. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”

- Jerry Seinfeld.

20. “A father is a banker provided by nature.”

- French Proverb.

21. “Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

- Ray Romano.

22. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”

- Steve Martin.

23. “It’s really bad when dads cry.”

- Sarah Ockler, ‘Twenty Boy Summer.’

24. “My dad once said...Some friends are like “rubber wrappers”; they bind with you safely but get weaker when you stretch them too much. Treat your friends with care, else the elasticity of their love for you may not go lasting!”

- Israelmore Ayivor.

25. “I think any dad who slices a large pickle in two for their kids’ sandwich is always a good dad!”

- Zidrou.

26. “Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventures, story-tellers, and singers of songs.”

- Pam Brown.

27. “The finest compliment a man can receive from a woman, is to be told he’s a wonderful father.”

- Ron Baratono.

Funny Parenting Quotes

A dad is the first love to a daughter and the hero to his son. Dads sacrifice everything for the sake of their children and their future. Understanding dad’s emotions can be difficult as they are very good at hiding their struggle. Here are a few funny dad quotes to lighten the mood along with funny dad quotes from daughter.

Father quotes are a source of inspiration for many.

28. “Dad wore his sadness like sunscreen, you couldn’t see it, but the odor of it wafted off him in waves.”

- Diana Clarke.

29. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”

- Bob Odenkirk.

30. “I asked my dad for a BB gun, but he said we were a tribe of worriers, not warriors.”

- Hilary Price.

31. “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

- Rodney Dangerfield.

32. “My dad used to say, always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”

- Harry Hill.

33. “I was 36 before I figured out most of my dad’s advice to me was just quotes from Burt Reynolds movies.”

- Tony.

34. “On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.”

- Ryan Reynolds.

35. “My sisters and I can still recite Dad’s grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.”

- Connie Schultz.

36. “The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.”

- Tim Russert.

37. “My father makes money the American way. He trips over stuff and sues people.”

- Dominic Dierkes.

38. “If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly.”

- Cathy Ladman.

39. “My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.”

- Bob Monkhouse.

40. “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

- Rodney Dangerfield.

41. “Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.”

- Al Unser.

42. “Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.”

- Anne Geddes.

43. “We see a McDonald’s. We got so excited. We started chanting, ‘McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s!’ And my dad pulled into the drive thru and we started cheering. And then, he ordered one black coffee for himself…and kept driving. My dad is cold-blooded.”

- John Mulaney.

44. “My father is very handy with tools. He hands them to me when he wants me to get some work done.”

- Melanie White.

45. “I phoned my dad to tell him I stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.”

- Steven Pearl.

46. “My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football, and my father tried to get a free x-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage.”

- Glenn Super.

47. “My dad’s pants kept creeping up on him. By 65 he was just a pair of pants and a head.”

- Jeff Altman.

48. “My father didn’t ask me to leave home. He took me down to the highway and pointed.”

- Henny Youngman.

49. “One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”

- George Herbert.

50. “I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.”

- Ann Richards.

51. “The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.”

- Bertrand Russell.

52. “My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!”

- Bill Cosby.

53. “In the ‘looks of disappointment’ department, my cat has picked up where my father left off.”

- Tom Papa.

54. “Dad I just noticed the superman you are, instead of the superman I thought you were.”

- Vineet Raj Kapoor.

Amazing Father's Day Quotes And Dad Jokes

What do fathers feel when they become dads? Let’s find out from these funny dad quotes that your dad will love and connect to. After, read some of the most amazing happy birthday dad funny quotes and experience a joy like no one has experienced ever before.

55. “Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.”

- Jimmy Fallon.

56. “We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.”

- Erma Bumbeck.

57. “The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.”

- Clarence Darrow.

58. “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope.”

- Bill Cosby.

59. “Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything is broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.”

- Ray Romano.

60. “To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”

- Ernest Hemingway.

61. “Lately all my friends are worried that they’re turning into their fathers. I’m worried that I’m not.”

- Dan Zevin.

62. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”

- Jon Stewart.

63. “Never underestimate kids’ tenacity. Raising a child is like wrestling a small but relentless opponent.”

- Stephen Colbert.

64. “The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid—but at the end of ‘How The Grinch Stole Christmas’, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it’s just full all the time.”

- Matt Damon.

65. “I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ I hadn’t met my daughter yet.”

- Dax Shephard.

66. “Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.”

- Dave Barry.

67. “For fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye...get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them. That’s about all you need.”

- Will Ferrell.

68. “Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.”

- Jim Gaffigan.

69. “Not every Father is a Dad…”

- Brighton Mabuya.

70. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”

- Jerry Seinfeld.

71. “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”

- Jim Gaffigan.

72. “How come my 3-year-old son can remember every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my own phone number?”

- Taye Diggs.

73. “When you got more than one kid, you just wake up angry.”

- Kevin Hart.

74. “If you’re not yelling at your kids, you aren’t spending enough time with them.”

- Mark Ruffalo.

75. “Jon Stewart: Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”

- Jon Stewart.

76. “I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.”

- Eugene Mirman.

77. “That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all.”

- August Strindberg.

78. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

- Mark Twain.

79. “It is much easier to become a father than to be one.”

- Kent Nerburn.

80. “Men should always change diapers. It's a very rewarding experience. It's mentally cleansing. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.”

- Chris Martin.

81. “My favorite thing about being a father is just seeing my kids grow and do some of the same things that I did when I was a kid, man.”

- LeBron James.

82. “My dad asked me, Son, have I been a good father?

I said, Dad, you’re the best. Why do you ask?

He said, I wanted to make sure the way you turned out is your fault.”

- Stu Trivax.

83. “One day my boys will wise up and realize they get to stay up playing video games only as long as I’m winning.”

- Aristotles.

84. “It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, he’s got four teeth like they care.”

— Seth Meyers.

85. “It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.”

- Barbara Kingsolver.

86. “If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your Dad sleep.”

- Jim Gaffigan.

87. “Man, if I can get a burp out of that little thing I feel such a sense of accomplishment.”

- Brad Pitt.

88. “You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind and then they’ll spit all their food on the carpet.”

- Neil Patrick Harris.

89. “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”

- Harry Truman.

90. “Being a dad isn’t just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word ‘hero.”

- Ryan Reynolds.

91. “I feel like the success of parenthood is feeling like I failed all day today, but I get to wake up tomorrow and do it again and hopefully they turn out to be a good human being.”

- Justin Timberlake.

92. “I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.”

- George W. Bush.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for funny dad quotes, then why not take a look at [funny sibling quotes], or [funny quotes for kids].

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Kidadl Team

The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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