Looking for Sirius-ly humorous one liners that every wizard, witch, and muggle should know?
For Hogwarts humor and wicked wizard puns, we have compiled our top 50 favorites. Although some are more groan than LOL, we are confident that these jokes would even put Moaning Myrtle in a good mood!
Read on for Potter themed giggles, and read here for the lessons we've learned from the popular series (surprise, there is more to Harry Potter than just knowing your Wingardium Leviosa from your Lumos).
Funny Harry Potter Puns
Looking for wordplay puns about Harry? We have more puns that you could ever wand about The Boy Who Lived.
1.You don’t find Harry Potter funny? There is something Ron with you!
2.On a scale of 1-10, I am 9 ¾ obsessed.
3.Poor Potter cannot tell the difference between his potion’s pot and his best friend because they are both cauldron!
4.Why was Harry Potter in trouble at school? Because he made fun of someone on Snape Chat.
5.How does HP get rid of a rash? With quit-itch.
6.How much does it cost to watch Harry play his favorite sport? A quid each.
7.Why did Harry Potter get detention? Because he was cursing in class.
8.Why did Harry Potter get stopped for speeding? Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol man.
9.Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione? He was looking in the Ron places.
10.What would you call The Boy Who Lived if he got a beard? Hairy Potter.
House Names In Harry Potter
Whether it is the bravery of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw's intelligence, the friendliness of Hufflepuffs, or sly Slytherins, the four founders of Hogwarts shaped the wizarding education system.
11.Why can’t you hear through the headteacher of Hogwarts’ door? It’s a mumble-dore.
12.Hogwarts house puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
13.What do you call a Slytherin in winter? A Shiver-in.
14.How does the headmaster get into Hogwarts? Through a Dumble-door!
15.What cereal do they serve at Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs.
16.What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks? Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
17.The Great Hall at Hogwarts is so massive it can fit four houses in it.
18.How do Hogwarts students get down a hill? Walking… J/K Rowling.
Hogwarts Teacher Puns
The teachers of Hogwarts are some of the best, enjoy a Harry Potter pun about some of our favorite professors.
19.How does the head of Gryffindor see when swimming? She uses McGonagoggles.
20.McGonagall is a good teacher, but she can be catty.
21.What do you call multiple potions teachers? Several Snapes!
22.Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army? Up his sleeve-y!
23.Why is Mad-Eye such a bad professor? Because he can’t control his pupils.
24.Why did Luna get Hagrid's signature? She is a giant fan.
25.Why did Snape throw away so many potions? They were past their hex-piration date!
26.Which Hogwarts teacher gets the blame? Professor Snape-Goat.
The Bad Guys
A story is not complete without the bad guys, and there will never be a magical villain quite like You Know Who!
27.What type of shoes does Voldemort wear? Horcrocs!
28.Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much? Because she gives him hugs and hisses.
29.Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.
30.What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort.
31.Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? Because he has followers, not friends.
32.How do Malfoys enter a building? They Slytherin.
33.Why do Azakaban inmates have fresh breath? Because of de-mentoes.
34.Why do you never see dementors in Starbucks? They can’t stand espresso patronum!
35.Why did Barty Crouch stop drinking Butterbeer? It made him Moody.
36.Why was Voldemort trying to listen to the Order of Phoenix meetings? He was nosy!
The Wizarding World
We hope that our Harry Potter spell puns haven’t petrified you like a basilisk, so here are some more magic puns for you to giggle or groan at!
37.What kind of laugh does Newt Scamander make? A bowchuckle.
38.I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4. But I keep hitting a wall.
39.What do you call a postman that can speak to packages? A parcel tongue.
40.Which Harry Potter book is the darkest? Order of the Phoenix because that’s when it gets dead Sirius.
41.I’ve started a wizard themed food blog. Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them.
42.If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?
43.What do you call a coughing quidditch commentator? A Weasley!
44.Where would Bellatrix play if she played the saxophone? Jazzkaban.
45.Why was Ron shown the Dumbledore? He kept making terrible Potterpuns.
46.What do you call two wizards who share a dorm? Broom-mates.
47.What is the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee contestant? One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.
48. Why is Ollivander never home? He’s a wanderer.
49.What do you call a Potterhead on a horse? Harry Trotter.
50.How does Harry Potter end an argument? He slams the Gryffindor!
Sarah graduated with a degree in Social Inclusion and Justice and went on to qualify as a teacher. She has lived in several countries around the world, including Turkey, Spain and Poland. Sarah taught children for ten years before starting writing. She is passionate about child and adolescent mental health and is hoping to study to become a child psychologist. Sarah enjoys living in her hometown of Wigan, writing about the things she loves, and spending time with the family.