35+ Johnny Carson Quotes From The Famous Talk Show Host And Comedian

Johnny Carson quotes are extremely sarcastic.
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Johnny Carson was a well known television talk show host and comedian from America.

Johnny Carson was born in October 1925 in the United States. He was best known for his quirky observations and comments.

He hosted the famous American television show called 'The Tonight Show' from 1962 to 1992 and to date is the longest host of 'The Tonight Show'. During his time as host, 'The Tonight Show' boasted classic guests like Elvis Presley, Don Rickles, Frank Sinatra, and many more. This article is a collection of some of the best quotes by him.

Johnny Carson is also famous for some of the wittiest observations he made about New York City once he moved there. He has also been awarded several awards, including an Emmy Award. While he was alive, he made one and all laugh heartily, and still today, he is remembered fondly as one of the greatest television talk show hosts, and a comedian with a great sense of humor and the funniest jokes up his sleeve.

The article includes some of the best of Johnny Carson quotes that perfectly portray the iconic Johnny Carson funniest moments on television. We have also included some Carnac the Magnificent quotes and some quotes from the Johnny Carson monologue. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson.

If you like our best of Johnny Carson quotes, do check out these [comedian quotes] and [Jimmy Fallon quotes] too.

Funny Johnny Carson Quotes

Johnny Carson quotes will surely make you laugh.

Are you looking for some of the funniest Johnny Carson quotes? Here is a list of some thought provoking yet funny ones that were common on television. This list also includes some cool Johnny Carson Carnac quotes.

1. "For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

- Johnny Carson.

2. "Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."

- Johnny Carson.

3. "People will pay more to be entertained than to be educated."

- Johnny Carson.

4. "The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."

- Johnny Carson.

5. "If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover spam."

- Johnny Carson.

6. "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

- Johnny Carson.

7. "The good news is that the President gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older."

- Johnny Carson.

8. "What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?"

- Johnny Carson.

9. "The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."

- Johnny Carson.

10. "I am an entertainer, not a commentator. If you are a comedian your job is to make people laugh."

- Johnny Carson.

11. "Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."

- Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson Quotes On Success

Johnny Carson quotes are loved by one and all.

Here in this category, you will find some amazing quotes from Johnny Carson on success.  If you are looking for some funny yet inspirational quotes, you are in the right place. These awesome quotes by Johnny Carson will make your day brighter.

12. "Only lie about the future."

- Johnny Carson.

13. "Just be yourself, it's the only way it can work."

- Johnny Carson.

14. "Desire! That's the one secret of every man's career. Not education. Not being born with hidden talents. Desire."

- Johnny Carson.

15. "My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day."

- Johnny Carson.

16. "Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?' "

- Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson Quotes On Happiness

Are you looking for some quotes and funny Johnny Carson quotes on happiness that will leave you thinking? Read on for the best Johnny Carson jokes you can find on the internet today. These Johnny Carson quotes include his many funny on what happiness means.

17. "Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples."

- Johnny Carson.

18. "Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented."

- Johnny Carson.

19. "Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college."

- Johnny Carson.

20. "Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday."

- Johnny Carson.

21. "Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak."

- Johnny Carson.

22. "If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."

- Johnny Carson.

23. "Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized."

- Johnny Carson.

24. "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."

- Johnny Carson.

25. "Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you are hungry."

- Johnny Carson.

Thoughtful Johnny Carson Quotes

Do you want an insight into how a comedian thinks? Read these Johnny Carson quotes by the famous comedian and TV host to understand. This list also includes some sarcastic Thanksgiving quotes from Johnny Carson. Which of these Johnny Carson quotes will make you stop and think?

26. "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it is unsolved."

- Johnny Carson.

27. "When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist."

- Johnny Carson.

28. "In Hollywood, if you don't have a shrink, people think you are crazy."

- Johnny Carson.

29. "Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead."

- Johnny Carson.

30. "I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give."

- Johnny Carson.

31. "Find me any performer who is not egocentric."

- Johnny Carson.

32. "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year - and then discover once a year is way too often."

- Johnny Carson.

33. "There comes a time or moment when you know in which direction you're going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young."

- Johnny Carson.

34. "The mind starts to do things that you didn't even realize it could do. I suppose it's the manipulation."

- Johnny Carson.

35. "Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace."

- Johnny Carson.

At Kidadl, we have created lots of family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked these Johnny Carson quotes, why not check out these Larry David quotes or [Jerry Seinfeld quotes] for more?

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