Kids and table manners do not always go together like bread and butter. It can take years for children to learn the dos and don’ts of the dinner table. To help parents in the process (or, really, just for a laugh), we thought we’d enshrine in stone the 10 commandments of meal time.
I. Thou Shalt Not Receive A Treat Until Thou Hast Eaten Thy Vegetables.
II. Thou Art Within Thy Rights To Dismiss Broccoli And Sprouts, But Never Peas Or Carrots.
III. Thou Shalt Not Speak With Thy Mouth Full, Even If I Ask Thee A Question Just As Thou Shovels In A Heap Of Pasta.
IV. Thou Shalt Not Eat One Pea At A Time And Occasionally Lick Thy Potatato In A Vain Effort To Delay Thy Bed Time.
V. Thou Shalt ALWAYS Use Thy Cuttlery, Unless Dinner Be Hot Dog, Or Burger, Or
Nachos, Or Pizza, Or Chicken Wings, Or… Actually, This Be A Confusing And Inconsistent Rule.
VI. Thou Shalt Not Mix Together Thy Mustard, Mayo And Ketchup. Thou Art Not Bob Ross.
VII. Fries Count Not As One Of Thy Five A Day, And Neither Do Fruit Skittles.
VIII. Thou Shalt Not Refuse To Eat Thy Food, Then Engage Me In A Futile Power Struggle Until i Finally Cave In. Again.
IX. Chocolate Sauce Be Not A Valid Condiment For Pizza.
X. Thou Shalt Remain Seated Throughout The Meal, Unless Some Random Toy Catches Thy Eye, Or Thou Feelest The Urge To Run Up To The Television, Or Thou Need The Toilet, Or Thy Fork Fell On The Floor AGAIN, Or Thou Must Dance Along To A...
Although originally from the Midlands, and trained as a biochemist, Matt has somehow found himself writing about London for a living. He's a former editor and long-time contributor to Londonist.com and has written several books about the capital. He's also the father of two preschoolers.