85 Realtor Jokes & Puns That Are Much Funnier Than Real Estate Agents

Real estate jokes can really increase your real estate humor.
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Real estate agents are needed for buying and selling a property.

People consult realtors who help their clients in getting the best deal. Realtors are consulted by both the selling and the buying party.

Realtors require their license to carry out their works and are often hired by top firms. There are different types of realtors, like buying realtors, selling realtors, dual realtors, etc. You might be planning to buy a house, but for the time being, relax and enjoy these jokes and puns on realtor humor! If you like these articles, you'll love accounting puns and medical puns.

The Funniest Realtor Puns

Real estate jokes are enjoyed by one and all.

Enlisted below are some of the best real estate puns and open house puns!

1. Graveyards want to leave the real estate business. After all, cemeteries are a dying industry.

2. I have a friend who is stout. When he joined realtor services, he was assigned to the division of short sales.

3. All periodic table elements were hired by the real estate company because they have lots of properties!

4. Thor decided to pursue his career in real estate. He's going to be real-thor!

5. My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with: "Hey bro, house it going?"

6. My friend works at a coffee beans estate. I think he is the groundskeeper there!

7. As a realtor, I had a rude client. I showed her some manors!

8. Becoming a real estate attorney is a tough job. You will always have to deal with battles of wills!

9. The French monarch was very upset when his brand new estate was destroyed during the French revolution. He said that the results were chateau-strophic!

10. I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!

11. I decided on building a board game company where one can buy real estate. But it turns out that only Hasbro has the absolute monopoly!

12. While buying a house, never consult a realtor. Almost all houses have cellars in them!

13. A sophisticated realtor constantly speaks about proper tea.

14. Al always carries a video camera to get the accurate square footage!

15. A dual realtor has two distinct sleeping styles. Lying on one side of the bed and then lying on the other!

16. My realtor promised a free abacus if he could close the deal. But I'm unsure whether to count on it or not!

17. Many realtors don't work in Mexico as they don't really peso much!

18. A client had a great vacant space. I really had to study lots to get work!

19. I dislike realtors the most. While buying a two-storied house, he gave me a story before I bought it.

20. All appraisers seem to carry wasps. They think the value of the eye always stays in the bee holder!

Hilariously Funny Realtor Jokes

Jokes which contain what real estate agents say are different from the generic jokes.

You will get the very funniest of real estate jokes, housing jokes, and real estate one-liners. Here you will also find some of the best jokes about property.

21. What happens when you marry the best real estate agent? He sells you the engagement ring!

22. What does a realtor say when the relationship manager proposes to reduce the work in half? I am looking to take two of those.

23. Why are real estate agents compared to Satan while reading contracts? Because they think that the devil lies in the details!

24. What happened to the remaining unsold floor of the building? Though it was last, it was ultimately leased!

25. What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines? "Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".

26. Why did the agent leave the duct selling job? He couldn't stick with it!

27. What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent? You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!

28. Why did the house he was selling come in a nice dress? It was the address!

29. What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells? A lighthouse, of course!

30. Why did the real estate agent keep ten ants in his house? Because they were his tenants!

31. Why was the hipster realtor very reluctant to show the near-the-river property? It was too current.

32. Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day? The client wanted a house with very long haul ways!

33. Why did the real estate agent take the house to the doctor? The window had a pane!

34. Which rooms do ghost real estate agents hate selling the most? The living rooms!

35. Who would have Spock consulted to buy a house in space? Land Calrissian!

36. What did the realtor do when he realized that his client didn't have enough money to buy the manor? He asked what would be the condo-minimum offer that he could match!

37. Why is it a terrible idea to pick a fistfight with a real estate agent? He usually flips houses whenever he wants!

38. Why was the coffee maker recruited by the real estate company? Because he should grind well.

39. What did the husband realtor say to his wife? "You have a lien on my heart".

40. What did the judge say to the real estate agent who violated the NAR code? "You didn't stand up to the ethics, so pay the fine".

Cool Property Jokes

Here you will find the funniest of mortgage jokes. If you are a fan of a real estate joke, then even just one of these real estate funnies will cheer you up.

41. What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar? "Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest".

42. What did the realtor say to his wife? "Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous".

43. What did the manager say to the real estate agent when he made a deal for Amazon? "Hey, John, you did an Amazon Prime job."

44. What did the realtor remark when he saw a fine piece of clothing? It's a fine print.

45. What did the realtor say to his daughter who topped class? "Just like an agreement bond, your marks are flawless".

46. How did the realtor compliment his wife? He said, "Values of estate will go up and down, you will remain beautiful forever".

47. Why did the realtor open a bakery shop? Because he was dealing in dough!

48. How many realtors are needed to change a bulb? Five. One to change and others to say they would have done it for a lower price!

49. What is a mortgage paradox? The older generation wants to get rid of it; the newer ones want it.

50. When does someone feel homesick? Usually at month ends when the mortgage has to be paid!

51. Why was the man upset? Because though he had good wall to wall carpets, he still had to pay back to wall payments!

52. Why did the agent say he was hunting for castles? He meant it as a manor of speaking!

53. What did the realtor say when someone helped him sell the large vacant land? He had lots to be grateful for!

54. What did I do when my realtor did a lovely job in describing my property at the listing? I simply decided to keep it!

55. How do you know the line of your property? You see where your realtor neighbor tends his grass!

56. Why will you never see a realtor reading books? Because books only have page numbers!

57. Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks? The box read for 10-14 years!

58. Why did the realtor decide not to go to Egypt to sell ancient monuments? It might be a pyramid scheme!

59. What is the best line a realtor uses to convince his clients? "I can just picture you in this home".

The Best Real Estate Agent Jokes

A realtor joke can fill your heart with laughter. These funny real estate quotes, old man jokes, and mortgage broker jokes are really funny. Enlisted below are some funny jokes about realtors and real estate jokes.

60. Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta potty? Because it was a leakfront property!

61. Why was the realtor surprised to see his houses being broken into? Because he was Sher-locks Holmes!

62. What did the agent-client say to the bad realtor? He said, "See you in Sell".

63. Which genre of music do realtors love listening to the most? House music!

64. How can cats only afford to stay in expensive neighborhoods? Because they have nine lives to pay off the debts!

65. Why do realtors not buy houses near stables? Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!

66. Why is it unsafe to trust real estate developers? Because they are up to new schemes and plots!

67. Why do realtors love an empty cup of coffee? Because it's a vacant latte!

68. Why did the man decide to hide his realtor license? Because he wanted to be a secret agent!

69. What does a realtor say during the festive season? For lease Navidad!

70. Why was the agent who invested in real estate happy when the GDP fell? Because he appreciated the depreciation!

71. Why do realtors love skateboard? Because they can flip it whenever they want!

72. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his realtor? "Hey bro, now show me the hive."

73. What did the senior agent who grew up in the bay area advise his juniors? "10% of the money is made by your schemes, but 90% is made by catching giant waves".

74. What compliment did the realtor give his wife? He said that she deserves all the props in life!

75. What did the prisoner turned realtor say to his clients? Guy says, "Now I sell the blocks in New York paradise and not in prison".

76. What would Spock say if he was a real estate agent who sold a house to his client? He would say, "Live long and prosper in this property".

77. What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement? He said, "Just do the deed".

78. What does a realtor usually say to impress a client who wants to sell her house? The real estate agent says, "There is no other place like your house".

79. Why would a real estate business never close down? Because it will never be out of commission!

80. Why did the real estate agent set up a meeting between the two parties at the house's underground portion? To meet the cellar!

81. Why did the happy realtor say when his competitors got fired from the company? He said all his rivals were now roofless!

82. Which song of Led Zeppelin do realtors love the most? 'A Whole Lot Of Love'.

83. What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal? He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well".

84. Why did the Egyptian realtor always say he was on his land? It turned out he was in de-nile!

85. What happened when the realtor company opened a Lego land? All the kids of the town started lining up for the blocks!

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for realtor jokes then why not take a look at library puns, or money puns.

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