50+ Ron White Quotes From The Hilarious 'Tater Salad' Comedian

Ron White began performing comedy in 1986.
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Ron White is a chart-topping Grammy-nominated comedian and a noted feature film actor.

Ron 'Tater Salad' White first rose to fame as the cigar-smoking, scotch-drinking funnyman from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He is best known through his bestseller 'I Had the Right to Remain Silent But I Didn't Have the Ability'.

Growing up in a small town in Texas, Ron eventually became one of America's most successful comedians. All four of his comedy albums charted No.1 on the Billboard Comedy Charts. He has sold more than 14 million albums (solo and with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour), been nominated for two Grammys, and, since 2004, has been one of the top three grossing standup comedians on tour in America.

After performing comedy in 1986 and opening for legendary comedians Sam Kinison and Jeff Foxworthy, Ron eventually becoming a comedy club headliner in 2000, White was asked to join the Blue Collar Comedy Tour alongside Mr. Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, and Larry the Cable Guy. The show toured for more than three years to sold-out audiences in more than 270 cities and grossed more than $35 million. In 2003, Warner Brothers filmed the show, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

In November 2003, Ron released his breakthrough comedy CD 'Drunk In Public' followed by his first one-hour TV comedy special 'They Call Me Tater Salad.' Here are his quotes, and if you like these, do look at our [comedian quotes] and [Jack Handy quotes].

Best Ron White Quotes

Here are a few of Ron White's best quotes from the book 'I Had The Right To Remain Silent...But I Didn't Have the Ability'.

1. "I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability."

- Ron White.

2. "The next time you have a thought... let it go."

- Ron White.

3. "You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take or a class you can go to."

- Ron White.

4. "Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!"

- Ron White.

5. "In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it."

- Ron White.

Inspirational & Funny Ron White Quotes

Here’s a collection of the funniest and most inspirational Ron White quotes. These Ron White quotes will certainly crack you up.

6. "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White.

7. "I still love to walk on stage and make people laugh, and I work very, very hard at it, and I take it seriously."

- Ron White.

8. "The hardest that I’ve laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed ’til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off."

- Ron White.

9. "I do live like a rock star, but it’s not as great as it sounds. It’s a lot of traveling."

- Ron White.

10. "My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth."

- Ron White.

11. "Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane."

- Ron White.

12. "Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels."

- Ron White.

13. "People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic."

- Ron White.

14. "I get e-mails from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers."

- Ron White.

15. "You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered."

- Ron White.

16. "I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there."

- Ron White.

17. "You can’t fix stupid."

- Ron White.

18. "I’d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part."

- Ron White.

19. "Everybody I know is a joke writer."

- Ron White.

Ron White Blue Collar Comedy Tour Quotes

Blue Collar Comedy Tour premiered as the most-watched movie in Comedy Central’s history.

'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie' is a television program that debuted in 1970. The movie is distributed by Warner Bros. Here are a few Ron White quotes from the movie.

20. "That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. That's our policy."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

21. "I guess we'd been floating down that river for an hour before I realized everybody's just peeing on themselves."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

22. "I didn't even know they made a 28-button suit."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

23. "Diamonds: Render her speechless."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

24. "So I flew in here to Phoenix from Flagstaff because my manager doesn't own a globe."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

25. "He just ended a sentence in nine prepositions."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

26. "I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, 'Bye everyone, I gotta go'."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

27. "Nope, I'm gonna pin a twenty-dollar bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck. Here's your sign."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

28. "Oh, there are no actors. Believe me, this is an actor-free environment."

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

29. "I was flipping through the television, and I saw Robert Tilton, he's a televangelist from Dallas, and he said this: He said, 'Are you lonely?'"

- Ron White, 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'.

Best Ron White Quotes

Ron White is a Grammy-nominated comedian and actor. Let us have a look at some Ron White quotes, including his best quotes on life and comedy.

Ron White quotes from the actor and comedian are hilarious.

30. "I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid."

- Ron White.

31. "Stupid is forever."

- Ron White.

32. "My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan - thin, slow, and it leaks."

- Ron White.

33. "You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh."

- Ron White.

34. "I just try to keep it fresh without sacrificing funny."

- Ron White.

35. "I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game."

- Ron White.

36. "I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers."

- Ron White.

37. "I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow."

- Ron White.

38. "Don't bring your kids to my show, and I won't come to your house and cuss."

- Ron White.

39. "There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years."

- Ron White.

40. "I've been married a few times. I'm not good at it."

- Ron White.

41. "Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin."

- Ron White.

42. "The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really."

- Ron White.

43. "As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny."

- Ron White.

45. "If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I'm not having fun."

- Ron White.

46. "Comedy is great because there's no overhead."

- Ron White.

47. "I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for anymore."

- Ron White.

49. "I've been offered starring roles in horrible movies, but I just didn't want to do it. I don't see why you would."

- Ron White.

50. "My show is more storytelling now than it's ever been. It's what I'm good at."

- Ron White.

51. "I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative."

- Ron White.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Ron White quotes from the comedian, then why not take a look at Johnny Carson or [Louis CK] quotes?

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