200 Sarcastic Quotes That Will Make All Families Laugh

Sarcasm can never be beyond your understanding; keep talking keep smirking
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Sarcasm is a very common tongue for communication used very often nowadays.

Being sarcastic is delivering a satirical remark with a touch of humor in it. It just so happens to be a great way to break the ice among friends, family, and just about anyone on the street.

Many famous authors like Voltaire, Erasmus, Horace, or Alexander Pope were all well-known for their satire. The best sarcastic comments are considered to be the ones that are not only blunt but witty too.

Clubbed together below is a list of some of the best sarcastic quotes. If you like these funny sarcastic quotes, you must surely also read our [sarcastic love quotes] and sarcastic inspirational quotes.

Best Sarcastic Funny Quotes On Life

Below mentioned are some of the funny sarcastic quotes on how twisted life can be. These funny sarcastic quotes are very relatable.

1. "Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile."

- Billy Sunday.

2. "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."

- Steven Wright.

3. "Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children."

- Sam Levenson.

4. "I don't believe in plastic surgery but in your case, go ahead."

- Anonymous.*

5. "Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything."

- Anonymous.*

6. "Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

- Will Rogers.

7. "Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

- Anonymous.*

8. "There are only two things a child will share willingly—communicable diseases and his mother's age."

- Benjamin Spock.

9. "Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can't."

- Anonymous.*

10. "Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers."

- Eugene Bertin.

11. "My family is temperamental, half temper half mental."

- Anonymous.*

12. "The time you realize your kids are in bed and have been watching The Disney channel for the past hour by yourself."

- Anonymous.*

13. "Well that escalated quickly – our family motto."

- Anonymous.*

14. "My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more."

- Walter Matthau.

15. "Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."

- Michael Levine.

16. "Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow."

- Anonymous.*    

17. "Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."

- Phyllis Diller.

18. "In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television."

- Erma Bombeck.

19. "Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it."

- Rodney Dangerfield.

20. "Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."

- William James.

21. "The bigger your family, the bigger your problems."

- Anonymous.*

22. "If you want to call a family meeting - turn off the WiFi and sit in the room where it is located."

- Anonymous.*

23. "Knowing your family so well that you can make out who's coming by the sound of their footsteps."

- Anonymous.*

24. "Sometimes I have my headphones in at work with nothing playing so I don’t have to interact with chatty co-workers."

- Anonymous.*

25. "Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny."

- Anonymous.*

26. "Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

- Will Rogers.

27. "You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."

- Jerry Seinfeld.

28. "There are times here my greatest achievement is keeping my mouth shut."

- Anonymous.*

29. "Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for."

- Jerry Seinfeld.

30. "You know what I like about people? Their dogs."

- Anonymous.*

31. "I am not sure if I am actually free or I just keep forgetting my to-do's."

- Anonymous.*

32. "Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid."

- John Wayne.

33. "I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."    

- Erma Bombeck.

34. "I always say 'Morning' Instead of 'good morning' Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people."

- Anonymous.*

35. "Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested."

- Anonymous.*

36. "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it."

- W. C. Fields.

37. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

- A. A. Milne.

38. "Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?"

- Anonymous.*

39. "Caller ID was invented for family screening."

- Anonymous.*

40. "Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."

- Anonymous.*

41. "I’m sorry. I was listening until, out of nowhere, I became distracted by this loud, obnoxious noise that turned out to be your voice."

- Anonymous.*

42. "Zombies eat brains, you are safe."

- John Stewart.

43. "Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon 'em."    

- Emilie Autumn.

44. "If you must make a noise, make it quietly."

- Oliver Hardy.

45. "I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers."

- Anonymous.*

46. "Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member does or says."

- Anonymous.*

47. "If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that 'Members not Present' and 'Subjects Discussed' were one and the same. "

- Robert Brault.*

48. "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"

- Billy Connolly.

49. "When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark."

- Anonymous.*

50. "I always tell new hires, ‘Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.’"

- Anonymous.*

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

People say, "Take the grenade in order to climb your ego." No wonder it is important to sometimes hit people in the face with some strong dry sarcasm! Take a look at these sarcastic quotes which have an inspirational message to them too.

51. "The day my mother told me zombies eat brains, I knew I was living with one."

- Anonymous.*

52. "My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know."

- Anonymous.*

53. "In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent."    

- Robert Brault.

54. "It's an easy tool this world- just pretend like you know everything."

- Anonymous.*

55. "Jiu-Jitsu because choking people is illegal."

- Anonymous.*

56. "One of the things that bind us as a family is a shared sense of humor."

- Anonymous.*

57. "Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern… like bad wallpaper."

-Friedrich Nietzsche.

58. "Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?"

- Anonymous.*

59. "Please cancel my subscription to your resurrection."    

- Anonymous.*

60. "In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry'."    

- Margaret Laurence.

61. "People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world."

- Anonymous.*

62. "They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one."

- Anonymous.*

63. "I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom."

- Anonymous.*  

64. "If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me."

- Anonymous.*

65. "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

- Winston Churchill.

66. "Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else."

- Anonymous.*

67. "I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."

- Anonymous.*

68. "I went to the general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific."

- Steven Wright.

69. "When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work."

- Anonymous.*

70. "Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence."

- Ashleigh Brilliant.

71. "If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up your ego and jump to your IQ."

- Anonymous.*

72. "They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning."

- Clint Eastwood.

73. "I am not young enough to know everything."

- Oscar Wilde.

74. "Please be patient, I am ruining things as fast as I can."

- Anonymous.*

75. "Keep rolling your eyes, you might just find a brain back there."

- Anonymous.*

76. "For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."

-Jeff Foxworthy.

77. "I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?"    

- Jeff Lindsay.

78. "Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble."

- Martin Mull.

79. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."

- Anonymous.*

80. "The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst."

- Marge Kennedy.

81. "Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."    

- Jane Howard.

82. "Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space."    

- Evan Esar.

83. "I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts."

- Anonymous.*

84. "Never let an angry sister comb your hair."    

- Patricia McCann.

85. "When something goes wrong in your life, just yell 'Plot Twist' and move on."

- Anonymous.*

86. "I remixed a remix, it was back to normal."

- Mitch Hedberg.

87. "Sorry for the mean, awful, and accurate things I said."

- Anonymous.*

88. “Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.”

– Mahmoud Darwish.

89. "An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough."

- Anonymous.*

90. "Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."

- W. C. Fields.

91. "New Year's Resolution: Casual promises that I am under no legal obligation to fulfill."

- Anonymous.*

92. "All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them."  

- Erma Bombeck.

93. "My level of sarcasm has gotten to a point where I don't even know if I am kidding anymore."

- Anonymous.*

94. "I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."

- Oscar Wilde.

95. "I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house."    

- Anthony Anderson.

96. "The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old."

- Jean Kerr.

97. "We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way."    

- Samuel Beckett.

98. "Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner."    

- Douglas Adams.

99. "Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense."

- Anonymous.*

Best Witty Sarcastic Quotes

Make the people around you laugh with funny sarcastic quotes.

"My boss used to be my star but then I realized that people appear bright until they speak." Funny sarcastic quotes like this are brilliant. Below are some of the best sarcastic quotes to make you laugh hard.

100. "Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us."

- Stephen Colbert.

101. "Few mistakes can be made by a mother-in-law who is willing to babysit."

-Anonymous.*

102. "All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."

- Anonymous.*  

103. "My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."    

- Rodney Dangerfield.

104. "If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel."

- Anonymous.*

105. "If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty."    

- Jeff Foxworthy.

106. "At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."

- Ann Landers.

107. “An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.”

– Robert Oppenheimer.

108. "The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."    

- Sam Levenson.

109. "Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla."

- Jim Bishop.

110. "We still lend our old house out to our relatives. They keep a guest book for my fans to sign."

- Anonymous.*

111. "True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing."

- Anonymous.

112. "Being part of a family means smiling for photos."

- Harry Morgan.

113. "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."    

- George Bernard Shaw.

114. "It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull."

- Anonymous.*

115. "I love all genres. The only thing I get stymied by is the Family Drama. I don't necessarily know how to approach that."    

- Joss Whedon.

116. "You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way."

- Anonymous.*

117. "A family without a black sheep is not a typical family."    

- Heinrich Boll.

118. "Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today."

- Anonymous.*

119. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.”

– Cynthia Nelms.

120. "I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on."    

- Ugo Betti.

121. "You cannot choose your family but you can choose to ignore their phone calls."

- Anonymous.*

122. "The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

123. "I enjoy slaughtering beasts and I think of my relatives constantly."

- Roger Zelazny.

124. "My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

- Anonymous.*

125. "Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first."

- Steve Irwin.

126. "For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."    

- Jeff Foxworthy.

127. "I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work."

- Anonymous.*

128. "There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?"

-​ Kin Hubbard.

129. "If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you."

- Billy Wilder.

130. "I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

- Woody Allen.

131. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest."

- Oscar Wilde.

132. "You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there."

- Yogi Berra.

133. "What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?"

- Anonymous.*

134. "Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts."    

- Wayne H.

135. "Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face."

- Anonymous.*

136. "Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee."    

- David Frost.

137. "Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."

- Walter Kerr.

138. "As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."    

- Buddy Hackett.

139. "Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too."

- Anonymous.*

140. "I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire them."

- Jack L Warner.

141. "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

- Anonymous.*

142. "I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."

- Anonymous.*

143. "I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it."

-Mary Karr.

144. "Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper."    

- Friedrich Nietzsche.

145. "The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."

- Gore Vidal.

146. "There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation."

- Anonymous.*

147. "If you ran as much as your mouth did you'd be in good shape"    

- Anonymous.*

148. "I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow."

- Anonymous.*

149. "We get married to have an ally against our family."    

- Jonathan Tropper.

150. "A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished."

- Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Funny Sarcastic Quotes About Family

Funny sarcastic quotes about family are the best.

Funny sarcastic quotes like "They will stop asking where the pie is if you stop acting like you know where it is" are bound to be a hit with the family. Below are some of the more sly sarcastic quotes to make you laugh out loud.

151. "Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off."

- Anonymous.*    

152. "Please cancel my subscription to your issues."

- Anonymous.*

153. "All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage."

- Erma Bombeck.

154. "Thanks for calling me to tell me that you just sent me an email."

- Anonymous.*

155. "Relatives are the worst friends, said the fox as the dogs took after him."

- Danish proverb.

156. "The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness."

- Anonymous.*    

157. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself and hates them for it."

- George Bernard Shaw.

158. "Bleeding ulcers run in my family: We give them to each other."

-Lois McMaster Bujold.

159. "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."    

- George Burns.

160. "Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills–while you still know everything."

- John Hinde.

161. "From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."    

- Jarod Kintz.

162. "Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry."    

- Jerry Seinfeld.

163. "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."

- Cary Grant.

164. "When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them."

- George Bernard Shaw.

165. "Never judge someone by their relatives."    

- Charles Martin.

166. "Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say."    

- Rick Riordan.

167. "The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions."

- Anonymous.*    

168. "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

- George Burns.

169. "Every family has that one crazy person in it. If you're missing one I seem to have a few extras."    

- Anonymous.*

170. "No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement."

-Maxwell.

171. "It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas in order to be unhappy."

- Groucho Marx.

172. "Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren."

- Art Linkletter.

173. "In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat."

- Anna Quindlen.

174. "To maintain a joyful family requires each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others."    

- Pope John Paul II.

175. "The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you."    

- Kendall Hailey.

176. "Let's have a family gathering for the remaining family members who still talk to each other."

- Anonymous.*

177. "When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them."

-Emo Phillips.

178. "Siblings: Children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together."

- Sam Levenson.

179. "Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex's new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate's ex, and any new mate that your new mate's ex has acquired."    

- Delia Ephron.

180. "Sometimes, my family becomes the strangest family on Earth."    

- Anonymous.*

181. "The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose."

- Garrison Keillor.

182. "I had no blood relatives til I made some"    

- Andy Dick.

183. "That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."

- George Carlin.

184. "Lots of people in my own family were crazy, so I felt a special closeness with them and wanted to learn how to help them."    

- Edward M. Hallowell.

185. "Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster, too."    

- Lionel Kauffman.

186. "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."  

-George Carlin.

187. "My family would make Dr. Phil need a therapist."

- Anonymous.*

188. "The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it."    

- Erma Bombeck.

189. "Family is like that annoying itch you can't scratch."

- Anonymous.*

190. "Crazy is a relative term in my family!"

- Anonymous.*

191. "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

-Will Rogers.

192. "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family."

-Chelsea Handler

193.  "Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends."

- Jacques Delille

194. "A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."  

- Anonymous.*

195. "In my family, crazy doesn't skip a generation."

- Anonymous.*

196. "No one likes change but babies in diapers."

- Barbara Johnson.

197. "If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion."    

- Ashleigh Brilliant.

198. "Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."

- Ray Romano.

199. "To encourage my little kid to eat something, I’d sometimes say- Just pretend it’s sand."

-Anonymous.*

200. "Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back."    

- Anonymous.*

*Do you know where this quote originated? Please email us to let us know at hello@kidadl.com

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Sarcastic Quotes, then why not take a look at snarky quotes, or ironic quotes?

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