FOR ALL AGES

101+ Steve Martin Quotes From The Iconic Comedy Actor

Memorable Steve Martin quotes.

Steve Martin has starred in countless Hollywood movies.

Steve Martin was born in Texas, the U.S, on 14 August, 1945. His debut film was 'The Absent-Minded Waiter,' which is a short film.

Steve Martin's humorous and charismatic performance has won the hearts of millions around the world.

If you enjoyed reading our beloved actor Steve Martin's quotes, why not check out 'Three Amigos' quotes and Tom Hanks quotes.

Steve Martin Quotes

Why be so serious when you can add fun to your life? We've got you covered with the best Steve Martin quotes.

1."I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

-Steve Martin.

2."I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."

-Steve Martin.

3."First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."

-Steve Martin.

4."Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."

-Steve Martin.

5."Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent."

-Steve Martin.

6."A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

-Steve Martin.

7."Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent."

-Steve Martin.

8."It's so beautiful where I am today that it makes me wonder where I am."

-Steve Martin.

9."Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties."

-Steve Martin.

10."Some people have a way with words, and other people, oh, uh, not have way."

-Steve Martin.

11."I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is."

-Steve Martin.

12. "I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."

-Steve Martin.

13."Love is a promise delivered already broken."

-Steve Martin.

14."A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair."

-Steve Martin.

15."The banjo is such a happy instrument – you can't play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful."

-Steve Martin.

16."I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."

-Steve Martin.

17."Before you criticise a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes."

-Steve Martin.

18."I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point?"

-Steve Martin.

19."Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty."

- Steve Martin.

20."By expressing his heart, anger and joy, Richard Pryor took comedy to its highest form."

- Steve Martin.

21."Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is."

- Steve Martin.

22."All of those things make it look like a really hard transaction to pull off. But it can be done."

- Steve Martin.

23. "Hosting the Oscars is something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town."

- Steve Martin.

24."I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness."

- Steve Martin.

25."Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!"

- Steve Martin.

26."I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper."

- Steve Martin.

27."Nothing I do is done by popular demand."

-Steve Martin.

28."You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."

-Steve Martin.

29."An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be."

-Steve Martin.

30."Our goal in writing was a laugh on every page."

-Steve Martin.

Steve Martin 'Roxanne' Quotes

'Roxanne' is one of the movies starring Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah. Take a glimpse of the best quotes from the movie.

31."You wanna know why? Cause you wanted to believe it. You wanted it all. All the romance and emotion, all wrapped up in a cute little nose and a cute little ass."

-Steve Martin, 'Roxanne.'

32."I almost never let this moment happen. And now I feel sorry for people for whom it never comes."

-Steve Martin, 'Roxanne.'

33."Kowalski? Why? You've got a chance to give it a beautiful name."

-Steve Martin, 'Roxanne.'

34."I am in orbit around you, I am suspended weightless over you like the blue man in the Chagall, hanging over you in a delirious kiss."

-Steve Martin, 'Roxanne.'

35."When you're reaching for a star, there's a long way to fall."

-Steve Martin.

36."You see, I am and I will always be the one who loved you without limits."

-Steve Martin.

37."I'm tired of having a magnificent, fabulous, interesting nose. I want a cute little, petite, little button nose."

-Steve Martin.

Steve Martin Movie Quotes

Steve Martin famous movie quotes.

Steve Martin was a successful actor. He won many awards like an Academy Honorary Award, Grammy Award and a Primetime Emmy Award. We have listed some of his movie quotes below.

38."Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life!"

-Freddy Benson, 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.'

39."You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer."

-Roger Cobb, 'All Of Me.'

40."Jonas: What did the doctors tell you about your legs?

Boyd: The doctors have nothing to do with my legs. I'll walk if it's God's will.

Jonas: God doesn't have a trucker's license.

Boyd: I believe that things happen for a reason.

Jonas: You believe that. I'm gonna run."

-'Leap Of Faith.'

41."Good people, bad people, they generally look like what they are."

-Jimmy Dell, 'The Spanish Prisoner.'

42."I could never be a woman."

-Harris K. Telemacher, 'L.A. Story'.

43."When I was a kid, my mom told me that was my special purpose."

-'The Jerk.'

44."He doesn't realize he's dealing with sophisticated people here."

-'The Jerk.'

45."The new phone book's here… I'm a somebody now."

-'The Jerk.'

46."I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that!"

-Freddy Benson, 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.'

47."I've got culture coming out of my ass."

-Freddy Benson, 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.'

48."What's he paying you boys? I'll double it and we'll beat the bejeesus out of him."

-Rigby Reardon, 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.'

49."That's one thing I've learned about clients. Dead ones don't pay their bills."

-Rigby Reardon, 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.'

50."Sorry, but my price for leaving stinking towns is $11,500 and a kiss on the lips from Carmen Miranda. Pass it on to them."

-Rigby Reardon, 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.'

51."I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends, and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay."

- 'The Jerk.'

52."It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi."

- 'The Jerk.'

53."I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal - high enough so you can look up her dress."

-Steve Martin.

54."I gave my cat a bath the other day... they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, if was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that..."

-Steve Martin.

55."I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on."

-Steve Martin.

56."The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself."

-Steve Martin.

57."All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."

-Steve Martin.

58."Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore."

-Steve Martin.

59."When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well."

-Steve Martin.

60."You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again."

-Steve Martin.

61."You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, 'Steve, how can you be so funny?' There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny."

-Steve Martin.

62."Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

-Steve Martin.

63."I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."

-Steve Martin.

64."If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life."

-Steve Martin.

65."I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden."

-Steve Martin.

66."Be so good they can't ignore you."

-Steve Martin.

67."We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday."

-Steve Martin.

68."Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself."

-Steve Martin.

69."You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it."

-Steve Martin, 'An Object of Beauty.'

70."There are few takers for the quiet heart."

-Steve Martin, 'The Pleasure Of My Company.'

71."With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious."

-Steve Martin, 'The Pleasure Of My Company.'

72."How many people have never raised their hand before?"

-Steve Martin, 'Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life.'

73."I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point?"

-Steve Martin, 'Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life.'

74."Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening."

-Steve Martin, 'Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life.'

75."Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration."

-Steve Martin, 'Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life.'

76."But there was a problem. At age eighteen, I had absolutely no gifts. I could not sing or dance, and the only acting I did was really just shouting. Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent."

-Steve Martin, 'Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life.'

Steve Martin Funny Quotes

Actor Steve Martin best quotes.

Steve Martin is one of the best stand-up comedians. We have collected Steve Martin's funniest quotes to make you laugh all day.

77."Stillness can be as deceptive as motion."

-Steve Martin.

78."It was easy to be great. What was hard was to be good, consistently good, night after night, no matter what the abominable circumstances."

-Steve Martin.

79."All I had to do was free my mind and start."

-Steve Martin.

80."The whole point of this comedy, 'Saturday Night Live', was to turn off the older crowd while reeling in the young."

-Steve Martin.

81."The more physically uncomfortable the audience, the bigger the laughs."

-Steve Martin.

82."How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars."

-Steve Martin.

83."Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

-Steve Martin.

84."Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do."

-Steve Martin.

85."I was not naturally talented. I didn't sing, dance or act, though working around that minor detail made me inventive."

-Steve Martin.

86."Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled."

-Steve Martin.

87."I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period."

-Steve Martin.

88."There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that."

-Steve Martin.

89."The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past."

-Steve Martin.

90."In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd just to stand there mute and play 25 banjo songs."

-Steve Martin.

91."I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers."

-Steve Martin.

92."Tweeting is really only good for one thing - it's just good for tweeting... It is rewarding, because it's just its own reward. It's sort of like heaven."

-Steve Martin.

93."I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers."

-Steve Martin.

94."Live from New York...line! ... It's Saturday Night!!"

-Steve Martin.

95."My next guest started using my cream by accident. Isn't that right, Dave?"

-Steve Martin.

96."I've heard a lot of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone."

-Steve Martin.

97."It's pain that changes our lives."

-Steve Martin.

98."Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way."

-Steve Martin.

99."It's a mystery to me the way that contemporary art galleries function."

-Steve Martin.

100."Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness."

-Steve Martin.

101."The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead."

-Steve Martin.

102."Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours."

-Steve Martin.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Steve Martin quotes, then why not take a look at Will Ferrell quotes, or Tina Fey quotes.

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Kidadl Team

The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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