These bad puns are sure to brighten your day.
We've compiled this list of corny puns which we're sure will make you laugh. If you're in need of a giggle or you're looking to cheer someone up, take a look at our list of puns so bad they're funny.
A pun is a joke using a play on words which have many meanings or sound like other words. After you've read through ours why not have a go at making some of your own? They can't be any more terrible after all!
The Best Bad Animal Puns
We're sure you'll love these terrible animal puns. They're so bad, they're good. If you don't find them funny, then the joke's on you!
1. Why was the cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
2. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies.
3. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
4. What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
5. What did the elephant say when he stopped in the middle of telling a story? Never mind, I realize this is irrelephant.
6. Why didn't the crab donate to charity? He's shellfish.
7. Where do milkshakes come from? Nervous cows.
8. What has fangs and webbed feet? Count Duckula.
9. Which day of the week is a chicken's least favourite? Fry-day.
10. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
11. If your dog was craving pizza what kind of pizza would he want? Puperoni.
12. What was the goal of the detective duck? To quack the case of course.
13. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.
14. What do you get if you cross a snake with a pie? A pie-thon.
15. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
16. Why are all dogs bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
17. Why did the spider log on to the computer? To check his web site.
18. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because it's pee is silent.
19. I once met a pig that did karate. We called him Pork Chop.
20. Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted.
21. Why don't dogs make good dancers? Because they have two left feet.
22. Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
23. What's a cats favourite colour? Purrr-ple.
24. A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop", goes the weasel.
25. What happens when it's raining cats and dogs? I don't know but you can step in a poodle.
26. What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? "Do you have any water? I'm a little horse."
27. "I'm no cheetah". "You're lion!"
28. What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out.
29. Why did the cat go to medical school? To become a first aid kit.
30. What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
31. What do you say to a Llama that loves picnicking? Alpaca lunch.
32. Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet.
33. A wife says to her husband that a moose is falling from the sky. The husband looks and says, it's just reindeer.
34. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind. A maybe.
35. What animal is at a baseball game? A bat.
36. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
37. My dog can do magic tricks. It's a labracadabrador.
38. I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there. He said it was narnia business.
39. What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
40. What do you get when two dinosaur crash their cars? A T-wrecks.
41. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
42. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
43. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A dino-snore.
44. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
45. Who stole the soap out of the bathtub? The robber ducky.
46. What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
47. Why did the giraffe get bad grades? Because he had his head in the clouds.
48. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
49. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
50. A friend of mine annoyed me with bird puns. But toucan play that game.
51. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
52. What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck? A firequacker.
53. What did the dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot.
54. Which dinosaur has the best vocabulary? The thesaurus.
55. What noise do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier? Cowboom.
56. Learning to sleep upside down is hard for bats, but eventually they get the hang of it.
57. A dragon walks into a bar. "It's hot in here" he says. "Shut your mouth" says the waiter.
58. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Ruff!
59. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken wasn't born yet.
60. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie.
The Best Bad Food Puns
These corny (excuse the pun) food jokes are the best of the worst. Which is your favorite funny pun? We think they're all so terribly good that you'll struggle to pick just one.
61. A cheese sandwich walks into a bar. The waiter says, 'we don't serve food here'.
62. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
63. Why did the cookie go to hospital? Because he felt crummy.
64. What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.
65. What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
66. What do you call a sad cheese? A blue cheese.
67. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
68. "Do you want to taco 'bout it?" "It's nacho problem."
69. Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because its parents were in a jam.
70. What was the reporter doing in the ice cream shop? Getting the scoop.
71. What is a computer's favorite snack? Computer chips.
72. What did the clock do when he was hungry? He went back four seconds.
73. What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
74. What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip.
75. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is pop corn?
76. What type of candy is never on time? Choco-late.
77. What did the waiter say when he dropped a hotdog? It could have been wurst.
78. Why did the butcher do overtime last week? To make ends meat.
79. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mum was a wafer so long.
80. What did the pizza say to the beautiful topping? I never SAUsage a beautiful face.
81. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? Hey, close the door, I'm dressing!
82. How do you make a good egg roll? You push it down a hill.
83. What is every soccer players favourite drink? Penal-tea.
84. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
85. Have an egg-cellent day. I hope it's eggs-tra good.
86. What does the baker always say to his customers? Do you oven come here?
87. Did you hear about the antiques collector who found an old Coca Cola lamp? She was soda lighted.
88. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
89. I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of orange soda. Turns out it was just a fanta-sea.
90. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
91. What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta.
92. I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak. It was a little chewy.
93. Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed.
94. I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
95. What do you call cheese which isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
96. How do pickles enjoy a day out? They relish it.
97. Why didn't the orange win the race? He ran out of juice.
98. How much room should you give fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
99. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno your business.
100. What do you call an upset brownie? A frownie.
101. What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you? Slice to meet you.
102. How do you say goodbye to a hotdog? Bun voyage.
103. Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.
104. I had to clean out my spice rack and noticed that everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
105. What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
106. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard it was good but it had no atmosphere.
107. Did you hear the rumour about the butter? Never mind, it wouldn't spread.
108. Two pickles fell out of the jar onto the floor. What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it.
The Best Silly Hobby Puns You Will Love
Some of our favorite bad puns are about our hobbies; reading, sports, gaming... We think you'll love these awful puns.
109. Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? It was too tired.
110. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
111. Why can't you play hockey with a pig? They always hog the pucks.
112. I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it'll come back to me.
113. What's Harry Potter's favourite way to get down a hill? Walking... JK, Rolling.
114. What's an astronaut's favourite part of a computer? The space bar.
115. What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
116. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.
117. I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
118. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it.
119. I used to wonder why frisbees looked bigger the closer they got. Then it hit me.
120. A police officer knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes. I looked at him and said, "don't be ridiculous, my dogs don't even own bikes".
121. Why is it so easy to talk to ballet dancers? They always get to the point.
122. How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.
123. I wanted to take a picture of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow.
124. A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He wrapped his cape around himself and began to count. "Uno… Dos…" and then POOF, he disappeared without a Tres.
125. I used to be a tap dancer, until I fell in the sink.
126. What do cakes and a baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
127. Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults, but that's just how I roll.
128. Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
129. Why don’t basketball players don’t like to leave their hometown? They hate travelling too much.
130. Why don't ghosts like parties? They have nobody to dance with.
131. Why don't you interrupt someone working on a puzzle? You'll hear some crosswords.
132. What did the librarian say when the books were a mess? We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves.
133. Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he's a keeper.
134. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
135. What was the most popular dance in 1776? The indepen-dance.
136. I wanted to learn to dance so I started with salsa. I wanted something I could dip in to.
137. Which building in New York has the most stories? The public library.
138. I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.
139. Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
140. Why are basketball players such messy eaters? Because they’re always dribbling.
The Best (Worst) Of The Rest
Perhaps saving the worst puns for last, we know you're going to love these really bad puns. We've even included some of the best puns about puns. Which one of these funny puns is your favorite? They're all pretty groan worthy!
141. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
142. Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
143. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey.
144. What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me.
145. Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns? Because they take things literally.
146. I've just been fired from a clock factory, even after all those extra hours I put in.
147. How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern...
148. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
149. How much does it cost a pirate to gets his ears pierced? About a buck an ear.
150. Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "what kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I’m a big metal fan".
151. Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible. Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.
152. There was a kidnapping at school. Don't worry, he woke up.
153. Why are robots never afraid? They have nerves of steel.
154. How do you throw a party in space? You planet.
155. What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.
156. What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister.
157. Do you want to know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless, but I guess that’s how they roll.
158. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
159. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
160. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
161. How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying? You rocket.
162. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
163. I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
164. What do you get when you plant kisses? Two lips.
165. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi bud.
166. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
167. What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
168. Why don't I get my friends 'Harry Potter' jokes? Because there is something Ron with you.
169. Learning to collect trash wasn't that hard. I just picked it up as I went along.
170. How would you describe a pun about a pun? It's pun-ishingly bad.
171. I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
172. Don't drink with ghosts, they can't handle their boos.
173. Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
174. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
175. Have you ever tried to write your own puns? It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking.
176. If you ever feel cold just stand in a corner. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
177. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claus-trophobic.
178. I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, but when I got home all the pages were blank. There are no words to describe how angry I am.
179. I lost my job at the bank on the very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
180. My friend made a joke about the TV controller. It wasn't remotely funny.
181. Pencils could be made with erasers at each end, but what would be the point?
182. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
183. What do you a call a knight who afraid to fight? Sir Render.
184. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
185. When is the moon at its heaviest? When it's full.
186. Why did Johnny throw his clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
187. What do you call a ghost's true love? His ghoul-friend.
188. Why did the pun fail his English class? Because he didn't use proper pun-ctuation.
189. I saw an ad that said "television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full" and I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
190. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed.
191. What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
192. Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencil-vania.
193. Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel room on the moon? Because it was full.
194. Bobby broke his finger today, but on the other hand he was completely fine.
195. Why did the book join the police? He wanted to go undercover.
196. Why did the police go to the daycare center? A three-year-old was resisting a rest.
197. Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and his left arm amputated in a car accident? He's all right now.
198. How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin.
199. Today at the store the cashier gave me two pennies in change and said have a good day, don't spend it all at once. I said thank you for your two cents.
200. Today my son walked over and said "could I have a book mark"? I burst into tears. 11-years-old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
201. I'm working on a device that reads minds. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
202. What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves.
203. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.
204. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
205. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
206. How can you tell if the ocean is friendly? It waves.
207. I have a speed bump phobia, but I'm slowly getting over it.
208. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
209. I thought about becoming a witch so I tried it for a short spell.
210. What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells.
211. All the toilets in the NYPD Headquarters have been stolen. The police apparently have nothing to go on.
212. What do you call Dracula with hayfever? The pollen count.
213. What did Mars say to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime.
214. Doctor, doctor, help! I think I'm shrinking! Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient.
215. Thanks for explaining the word many to me, it means a lot.
216. What do you call an attractive volcano? Lava-ble.
217. What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
218. A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Unfortunately he lost his case.
219. What did the ghost teacher say to his class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.
220. Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe at a tree, the tree said "don’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack replied, "and you will dialogue."
221. What kind of songs do the planets sing? Nep-tunes.
222. What did the judge say when the skunk came into the courtroom? Odor in the court.
Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! So if our terrible puns tickled your fancy then why not take a look at our best (and worst) animal puns or for something different take a look at these 'Harry Potter' riddles for wizards and witches.
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