FOR ALL AGES

90 Ultimate Michael Scott Quotes From The World's Best Boss

Michael Scott quotes give us joy.

'The Office' is an American mockumentary sitcom television series.

It revolves around the day-to-day work lives of office employees in the Scranton, Pennsylvania, branch of the fictional Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. The series was aired on NBC from 24 March, 2005, to 16 May, 2013.

Michael Scott, played by Steve Carell, is the manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. At times eccentric and troublesome but always having a good intent at heart, he manages his employees in a hilarious manner. Other notable characters in the show are Dwight Schrute, Jim Halpert, Pam Beesly, and Toby Flenderson. Here are a few Michael Scott quotes that all his fans are going to love. You could also check out Michael Scott birthday quotes, Michael Scott relationship quotes, and Michael Scott motivational quotes.

If you enjoy this article, be sure to check out similar articles that you'll like [Dwight Schrute quotes] and [Stanley Hudson quotes].

Funny Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott has some of the funniest lines in the show. Here are the best Michael Scott quotes that will make you laugh. You will find some Michael Scott quotes about work, Michael Scott Quotes about Toby, Michael Scott wedding quotes, Michael Scott Christmas quotes, Prison Mike Quotes and some other quotes that might make you afraid of Michael's humor.

1. "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

- Michael Scott, Season Six, Episode 23.

2. "The worst thing about prison was the dementors."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Nine.

3. "You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one but fool me twice, strike three."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 13.

4. "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 19.

5. "Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 16.

6. "I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Two.

7. "I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode Two.

8. "Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 22.

9. "I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode Eight.

10. "I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl so I'm wise and I have worms."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Three.

11. "Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What's going on?"

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Three.

12. "It is St. Patrick's Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas."

- Michael Scott, Season Six, Episode 19.

13. "Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Four.

14. "Can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Four.

15. "And it is my job to get them all the way through to acceptance, and, if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Four.

16. "I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parents' dream."

- Michael Scott, Season Nine, Episode 25.

17. "I am Beyoncé, always."

- Michael Scott, Season Six, Episode 25.

18. "And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 15.

19. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Six.

20. "Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Six.

21. "Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Six.

Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes

Michael Scott quotes make us laugh.

Michael Scott not only makes you laugh but also inspires you in his trademark manner. Here are the best Michael Scott quotes that will inspire you.

22. "It's never too early for ice cream."

- Michael Scott, Season Six, Episode 24.

23. "Business is a doggie dog world. And I am a shark, who eats doggie dogs."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 13.

24. "You should never settle for who you are."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode 21.

25. "I'd like to start today, by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then, you will have…a book that is worth its weight in gold."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 17.

26. "May your hats fly as high as your dreams."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 17.

27. "People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode Three.

28. "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.'"

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 10.

29. "You know, sometimes to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star, incredibly far away. And our problems don't matter to him because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 13.

30. "Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 12.

31. "Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Five.

32. "It's important that this company celebrates its diversity."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Six.

Best Michael Scott Quotes

Here are the best Office quotes curated from the show by the world's best boss - Michael Scott.

33. "So Phyllis is basically saying, 'Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help out the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth.' I gave Ryan an iPod."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 10.

34. "I can't do this! This is pathetic, isn't it? I am such an idiot. I gave up the only job I ever loved to do this? I have egg in my Crocs."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 20.

35. "Okay, imagine a company that has no memory of your past misconduct because they have no files."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 20.

36. "To Oscar Martinez, it's the 'Show Me the Money' award! Yeah!"

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode One.

37. "That's funny! That's funny. Not offensive. Uh… because it's nature. Educational."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Two.

38. "Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Four.

39. "Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Four.

40. "Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Eight.

41. "Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 11.

42. "It wasn't just an action movie, it was 'Die Hard'!"

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode One.

43. "Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is… Varsity Blues!"

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Three.

44. "Hi, Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds!"

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode Three.

45. "Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Seven.

46. "Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go… away?"

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Nine.

47. "It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Two.

48. "Hey, hey, why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Two.

49. "Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Three.

50. "Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Three.

51. "Assistant to the regional manager Dwight."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Four.

52. "Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?"

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Four.

53. "So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Five.

54. "Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates!"

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Six.

55. "No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Six.

56. "Stanley! Bo banley."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 11.

57. "Banana fana fo fanley."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 11.

58. "Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 11.

59. "Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink!"

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 14.

60. "Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 14.

Michael Scott Quotes about Love

Michael Scott quotes entertain us.

Here are the best Michael Scott quotes on love from the show that will make you fall in love with him.

61. "This is where I fell in love with you, and this is where I ask you to marry me."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode 18.

62. "I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it…Nike."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Six.

63. "I'm in love! I was hit by Cupid's sparrow."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 18.

64. "It was love at first... see with my ears."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode 18-19.

65. "No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode 14.

Michael Scott Leadership Quotes

Michael Scott is an unconventional leader who is never feared and here are the quotes for the fans to reflect on this quality of the character. You will also find some Michael Scott friendship quotes:

66. "You may look around and see two groups here: white-collar, blue-collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 15.

67. "Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing."

- Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode 11.

68. "The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them."

- Michael Scott, Season One, Episode Three.

69. "The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode 21.

70. "Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode 10.

Greatest Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott inspires, motivates, makes you laugh - all at the same time. Here are the best Michael Scott quotes that will entertain you.

71. "I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode Eight.

72. "I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke."

- Michael Scott, Season Six, Episode Eight.

73. "That is sort of an oaky afterbirth."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode 13.

74. "Saw 'Inception'. Or at least I dreamt I did…"

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode One.

75. "You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real."

- Michael Scott, Season Four, Episode 11.

76. "You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 27.

77. "Whether you're scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don't be. It's going to be OK."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode 22.

78. "This is a dream that I've had…since lunch…and I'm not giving it up now."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 23.

79. "Ughh… Blech."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 22.

80. "To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace?"

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 22.

81. "Stop crying."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 23.

82. "There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks."

- Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 23.

83. "I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode 21.

84. "Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. You just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax, and suddenly you're just some terrible monster."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 25.

85. "I'm not getting dressed. I'm not getting dressed. I have too many things to do before I get dressed. I need to find a hundred clients."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 20.

86. "I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? The job was not mine to give."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode 21.

87. "Assemble a sales team. A dream team."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 20.  

88. "When you first...became a baby-daddy, did you have...an immediate connection with that baby, like - the first time that you held it, did you find that...with your baby-baby?"

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode Three.

89. "If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. That's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family."

- Michael Scott, Season Seven, Episode Eight.

90. "Mo' money, mo' problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that."

- Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode Six.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Michael Scott quotes then why not take a look at Kevin Malone quotes, or Andy Bernard quotes?

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The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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