25+ Hilarious Kevin Malone Quotes For Office Fans

Anusuya Mukherjee
Mar 01, 2024 By Anusuya Mukherjee
Originally Published on Jan 25, 2021
Edited by Monisha Kochhar
Business colleagues working at a busy open plan office.
Age: 0-99
Read time: 5.0 Min

Michael Scott may be the one who steals the show, but people can't deny that Kevin Malone has given us some of the most relatable and iconic Office quotes.

The character of Kevin Malone is played by actor Brian Baumgartner throughout the nine seasons of 'The Office.' Even though a lot of people may think that Kevin Malone is just another slow-witted accountant, true fans of the show know that he is an entertainer in his own way.

'The Office' has an immensely talented cast who play the characters of Michael Scott, Jim Halpert, Dwight Schrute, Pam Beesly, and others. But Kevin Malone, played by Brian Baumgartner has given us some of the funniest Office one-liners and quotes. Jim's signature look or Michael's quirky ways might steal your heart, but Kevin's typical side glances and adorably chubby face can't be ignored, no matter how much you try! There are times when Kevin will say some of the most relatable lines and at other moments, he'll make a silly, yet really hilarious comment to grab your attention. He is the unsung hero of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Just saying. If you've already read all the inspirational quotes from 'The Office,' that Michael Scott has ever said, now's the time to get a dose of laughter with some funny Office quotes by Kevin Malone.

If you like more such quotes, Dwight Schrute quotes and Jim Halpert quotes.

Classic Kevin Malone Quotes About Food

If you can't imagine Michael Scott without his puns and jokes, you possibly can't picture Kevin Malone without food. It goes without saying that he lives to eat! So, here are some epic Kevin Malone quotes that'll make you want to re-watch the iconic moments in the show.

1. "I just want to sit on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted."

-'The Office,' Season 3, Episode 23, 2006.

2. "At least once a year I like to bring in some of my Kevin’s favorite chili."

-'The Office,' Season 5, Episode 26, 2008.

3. "The trick is to under-cook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot."

-'The Office,' Season 5, Episode 26, 2008.

4. "Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?"

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 9, 2012.

5. "Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit."

-'The Office,' Season 7, Episode 25, 2010.

6. "I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket."

-'The Office,' Season 7, Episode 8, 2010.

7. "You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert."

-'The Office,' Season 8, Episode 20, 2011.

8. "Angela’s cats are cute. So cute that you just wanna eat ‘em. But you can’t eat cats. You can't eat cats Kevin."

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 1, 2012.

9. “I hear Angela’s party will have double-fudge brownies. But it will also have Angela.”

-'The Office,' Season 3, Episode 10, 2006.

The Funniest And The Best Kevin Malone Quotes From The Show

Business people at work in a busy luxury office space.

Kevin Malone is one of the most relatable characters among all the office employees. He has given us some famous Office quotes that we can't seem to get enough of! Here are some Kevin quotes from his best moments in the show.

10. “You know who’s really funny? This bird in the park that can’t fly right. I’d pay to see him but I don’t have to, ‘cause the park is free.”

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 22, 2012.

11. “So, Dwight doesn't understand what a silent auction is. I guess he's the 'stupid guy' in the office, huh? Cause up 'til now, we didn't have one.”

-'The Office,' Season 8, Episode 22, 2011.

12. “I have very little patience for stupidity.”

-'The Office,' Season 7, Episode 18, 2010.

13. "I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break."

-'The Office, Season 4, Episode 11, 2007.

14. "I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn’t."

-'The Office,' Season 2, Episode 10, 2005.

15. "Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes, I mean all times. All the time."

-'The Office,' Season 8, Episode 22, 2011.

16. "I kinda know what it’s like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man."

-'The Office,' Season 4, Episode 9, 2007.

17. "Nope it's not Ashton Kutcher, it's Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart."

-'The Office,' Season 7, Episode 20, 2010.

18. "Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?"

-'The Office,' Season 8, Episode 12, 2011.

19. "I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape."

-'The Office,' Season 8, Episode 14, 2011.

20. "Dwight: Excuse me, I have to run to my car, to take a dump.

Kevin: Wish my car had a bathroom."

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 9, 2012.

21. "Meredith: If I ever got that bad, you'd tell me right?

Kevin: Meredith I tell you all the time."

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 13, 2012.

22. "I go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes."

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 19, 2012.

23. "This is a documentary? Ohhhh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo."

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 19, 2012.

24. "You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor."

-'The Office,' Season 9, Episode 22, 2012.

25. "I got six numbers, one more and it would have been a complete phone number."

-'The Office,' Season 6, Episode 5, 2009.

26. "Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick."

-'The Office,' Season 8, Episode 2, 2011.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Kevin Malone Quotes then why not take a look at [Jim & Pam quotes], or Michael Scott quotes.

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Written by Anusuya Mukherjee

Bachelor of Arts and Law specializing in Political Science and Intellectual Property Rights

Anusuya Mukherjee picture

Anusuya MukherjeeBachelor of Arts and Law specializing in Political Science and Intellectual Property Rights

With a wealth of international experience spanning Europe, Africa, North America, and the Middle East, Anusuya brings a unique perspective to her work as a Content Assistant and Content Updating Coordinator. She holds a law degree from India and has practiced law in India and Kuwait. Anusuya is a fan of rap music and enjoys a good cup of coffee in her free time. Currently, she is working on her novel, "Mr. Ivory Merchant".

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