45+ Louis C.K. Quotes From The Famous Stand-Up Comedian

Luca Demetriou
Feb 29, 2024 By Luca Demetriou
Originally Published on Feb 26, 2021
Edited by Luca Demetriou
Louis C.K. at the 2014 Primetime Emmy Awards - Press Room at Nokia Theater at LA Live on August 25, 2014 in Los Angeles, CA
Age: 0-99
Read time: 6.6 Min

Louis CK (Louis Szekely) was born on 12 September 1967 and he started his career as a comedian.

Louis won Peabody Award in 2012 for his excellent comedy, acting, writing, and filmmaking skills. He also won six Primetime Emmy Awards and many more awards.

CK is well known for the television show 'Louie'. His other works include, 'The Chris Rock Show',  'Live At The Beacon Theater', 'Oh My God', 'Live in Houston'.

If you are interested in quotes by famous stand-up comedians, then why don't you read our articles on Larry David and [Jerry Seinfeld], too?

Louis CK Quotes Life

The specialty of Louis C K is to explore the darker side of human nature through stage shows. Here we bring a few Louis CK quotes about life.

1." If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn’t be a conversation."

-Louis C. K.

2." The thing is, comedy’s gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness."

-Louis C. K.

3."I grew up in a generation that had exponential technological advances."

-Louis C. K.

4." Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it’s really like magic because you transform reality for people."

-Louis C. K.

5." Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance."

-Louis C. K.

6." To me, art supplies are always okay to buy."

-Louis C. K.

7."I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from."

-Louis C. K

8."I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from work."

-Louis C. K.

9." Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t."

-Louis C. K.

10." I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish – that’s what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff."

-Louis C. K.

11."I was 7 when my grandfather told me 'Everybody dies'. I wasn't even talking to him, I was just blowing the candles."

-Louis C. K.

12."What happens after you die? Lots of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you."

-Louis C. K.

13."People like to say things like: 'There's some for everyone'. Nope."

-Louis C. K.

14."Everything is funny except your death but other people will laugh."

-Louis C. K.

15."Do you know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog."

-Louis C. K.

16."Misery is wasted on the miserable."

-Louis C. K.

17."People overthink this life..."

-Louis C. K.

18."When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president."

-Louis C. K.

19."I don't think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women."

-Louis C. K.

20."Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about."

-Louis C. K.

21."You don’t look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience."

-Louis C. K.

Louis CK Quotes Parenting

'Louie' is based on Louis C.K's life, depicting his offstage life as a divorced husband and father of two daughters. Here are a few Louis CK funny quotes about parenting.

Microphone On The Theater Stage Before The Concert With Empty Seats And Blurred Lights

22."A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much."

-Louis C. K.

23."I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger."

-Louis C. K.

24."You know what, it's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you if you can imagine that. "

-Louis C. K.

25."My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks, standardized testing and common core!"

-Louis C. K.

26."When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way to articulate it and inspire them."

-Louis C K.

Louis CK Religion Quotes

Louis C. K. says using the bible for comedic purposes is fine as he is agnostic. Louis lost interest in religion right from his childhood. Here are a few of Louis CK's best quotes.

27."I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them – that’s just the way I am… they make me feel good about who I am."

-Louis C K.

28."I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I’m like, and I just go, ‘Ugh’."

-Louis C K.

29."Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. "

-Louis C K.

30."One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas carolling, you should go with a group of people. "

-Louis C. K.

Louis C.K. Best Quotes

Louis is an easy go person. His life is full of criticism and yet he enjoys making fun of himself. Here are a few best quotes of Louis C.K.

31."You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time."

-Louis C. K.

32."When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t."

-Louis C. K.

33."Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy."

-Louis C. K.

34."All talking is good, negative and positive. Stabbing is bad; talking is good."

-Louis C. K.

35."Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I’ve heard educated white people say, ‘slavery was 400 years ago.’ No, it very wasn’t. It was 140 years ago…that’s two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That’s how recently you could buy a guy."

-Louis C. K.

36."Comedians work great as actors because they’re good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything’s going really well to get a good performance out of them."

-Louis C. K.

37."I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash."

-Louis C. K.

39."Life isn’t something you possess. It’s something you take part in, and you witness"

-Louis C. K.

39."I don’t stop eating when I’m full. The meal isn’t over when I’m full. It’s over when I hate myself."

-Louis C. K.

40."I think of boxing a lot with standup. I even train with boxing trainers."

-Louis C. K.

41."You don't look in your neighbour's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

-Louis C. K.

42."How many advantages can one person have? I'm a white man!"

-Louis C. K.

43."Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two."

-Louis C. K.

44."Your phone doesn't suck. Your life sucks around your phone."

-Louis C. K.

45."I do love standup. I love comedians. They're my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do."

-Louis C. K.

46."The only time you look in your neighbour's bowl is to make sure that they have enough."

-Louis C. K.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotesfor everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 45+ Louis C.K. quotes from the famous stand-up comedian then why not take a look at Will Ferrell quotes, or [comedian quotes].

Main image credit: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

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Written by Luca Demetriou

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English and Drama, Master of Arts specializing in Performance: Design and Practice

Luca Demetriou picture

Luca DemetriouBachelor of Arts specializing in English and Drama, Master of Arts specializing in Performance: Design and Practice

Experienced in writing and sub-editing, Luca holds a Bachelor's in English Literature and Drama from the University of Birmingham, where he served as the culture editor at Redbrick Paper. He is currently pursuing a Master's in Performance: Design and Practice at the University of the Arts in London, showcasing his passion for the arts, performance, and history. With a keen interest in traveling, Luca enjoys exploring new cultures and experiencing diverse perspectives.

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