27 Moe Szyslak Quotes

'The Simpsons' is the longest-running animated TV show centered around the life of the eponymous Simpson family that continues to entertain people cutting across age and cultural lines. One of its prominent characters, Moe Szyslak, is depicted as having a knack for delivering witty one-liners that we have put together here for no better reason than a hearty laugh. Moe Szyslak is a controversial character who is the bartender and owner of Moe's Tavern, a Springfield bar, and a popular hangout of the characters in the sitcom. A 54-year-old immigrant from the Netherlands, Moe is notorious for his ill temper but often displays random acts of kindness and is on good terms with the Simpsons and a handful of other characters. Part of Moe's character draws inspiration from Louis 'Red'Deutsch, who similarly received prank calls at the Tube Bar in Jersey City in the '70s. The Simpsons show further develops the character of Moe as someone on the verge of despair, having low self-esteem, and making poor moral choices but often coming through by the end of the episode. In this article, you can find the all-time favorite Moe Szyslak quotes that immortalize this Simpsons' character.

What parents should know

Moe Szyslak is a character in the popular animated television series 'The Simpsons'.

Moe szyslak is the owner and bartender of Moe's Tavern.

Moe is moody, lonely, unhappy and prone to outbursts.

What to discuss with kids

Moe is often portrayed as irritable and rude to anyone but his bar mates.

Moe also has a softer side and is seen helping those in need.

He rescued stranded school children, delivered food to starving villages, and rescued people from raging floods.

1. "Homer: 'You used to be a boxer just like me?'

Moe: 'Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.' "

- Kid Gorgeous, Season 8, Episode 3, 'The Homer They Fall'.

2. "Moe: 'I'd have to move in with mom, who's dead and doesn't have a house.' "

-Move In With Mom, Season 22, Episode 11, 'Flaming Moe'.

3. "Moe: 'You guys cost me my chance with a woman of a certain age!' "

-Woman Of A Certain Age, Season 26, Episode 14, 'My Fare Lady'.

4. "Moe: ‘Think of it as a wake-up call from a man with nothin’.  And even she left me. Shouldn't have used helium.' "

-Wake-Up Call, Season 21, Episode 21, 'Moe Letter Blues'.

5. "Homer: You used to be a boxer just like me? 

Moe: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe."

"Homer: She's gone!

Moe: And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little. Good for her"

6. "Gaga: Never forget, you're all my little monsters. 

Moe: Actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. Pick your poison."

7. “Oh... So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh?... First name Waylon, is it?! Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!”

8. "Homer: 'She's gone!'

Moe: 'And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little. Good for her.' "

-She's Gone, Season 26, Episode 15, 'The Princess Guide'.

9. "Moe: 'Wow, that's the farthest one of my egg ever made it down someone's throat.' "

-That's The Farthest, Season 23, Episode 1, 'The Falcon And The D'Ohman'.

10. "Moe: 'Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.'

Bart: ‘Is Seymour there? Last name Butts.’

Moe: 'Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butts here? A Seymour Butts? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butts!' "

-Seymour Butts, Season 2, Episode 11, 'One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish'.

11. "Moe: 'That wasn't the Wi-Fi - that was my Bell's Palsy acting up.' "

-That Wasn't The Wi-Fi, Season 22, Episode 10, 'Moms I'd Like To Forget'.

12. "Moe: 'Moe's Tavern.'

Bart: ‘Is Mr. Freely there?’

Moe: ‘Who?’

Bart: ‘Freely. First initials, I. P.’

-I. P. Freely, Season 1, Episode 3, 'Homer's Odyssey'.

13. "Moe: 'Hey, clown! We've heard your stand-up; now, how about some shut-up?'
Krusty the Clown: 'Everyone's a comedian!'

Moe: 'Everyone except you!' "

-How About Some Shut-up? Season 21, Episode 23, 'Judge Me Tender'.

14. "Moe: ‘Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme. Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back - hey, would you cuddle me?’

Moe: 'Dude, that little!' "

-Heywood. U. Cuddleme, Season 14, Episode 5, 'Helter Shelter'.

15. “Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog.”

16. “These eye clamps are the only way I can tolerate today's tv.”

17. "Moe: Do you mind riding a cute little scooter with your arms around my waist?. 

Princess Kemi: I don't!

Moe: To the scooter store!"

18. "Yeah, I always go with three, the number of brothers and sisters .”

19. “Man, soccer's even boring for the ball.”

20. "Announcer: 'At Moe's, we serve good old-fashioned home cooking deep fried to perfection.'

Moe: 'Now that's Moe like it! So bring the whole family. Mom, Dad, kids -- er, no old people. They're not covered by our insurance.' "

-Good, Old-fashioned Home Cooking, Season 7, Episode 4, 'Bart Sells His Soul'.

21. "Moe: 'You're gonna need to come up with a slogan that people are gonna remember you by.'

Homer: 'Awwh, can't someone else do it?'

Moe: 'Can't someone else do it? That's perfect.'

Homer: 'Really?' "

-That's Perfect, Season 9, Episode 22, 'Trash Of The Titans'.

22. "Moe: 'Sounds like you're having a rough Christmas. You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.' "

-Breakdown Of Society, Season 9, Episode 10, 'Miracle On Evergreen Terrace'.

23. "Hey, Homer. I Could Hear Your Pathetic Rationalizing Through The Door."

- Season 23, Episode 20, 'The Spy Who Learned Me'.

24. "Homer: And now because it's after noon, I can go to Moe's without having a “drinking problem.”

Moe: Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door."

25. "Patty: Elvis Stojko is so handsome!

Selma: He can grease up my skates anytime!

Moe: Don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly in the lutz?

Elvis Stojko: That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.

Moe: Made up girlfriend, made up city!"

26. "That's a terrific title. It jumps out at you like a rat out of your drawer."

"Moe: Moe's Tavern.

Bart: Is Oliver there?

Moe: Who?

Bart: Oliver Klozoff.

Moe: Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!"

27. "I’ve never even tasted cantaloupe!"