Erma Louise Bombeck was born on February 21, 1927
Bombeck was a cherished American humorist who is known as the mom blogger raised to great popularity for her humor newspaper column describing suburban home life.
1978 Golden Plate Award winner Erma Bombeck had published more than 15 books during her lifetime and most of them were bestsellers. She published nearly 4,000 newspaper articles in her 31-year-long career as a humorist and these articles have been read by 30 million readers of 900 newspapers in Canada and the USA.
Find a collection of the best Erma Bombeck quotes below to inspire you and make you laugh.
Erma Bombeck Quotes About Aging
Erma Bombeck was a celebrated humorist, writer, and syndicated columnist known for her quirky writing style. Her stories revolve around and are from the perspective of a homemaker who spun the life of a suburban family into a syndicated column. If you are a fan of Erma Bombeck's work, read these humorous quotes on aging by her.
"Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff."
"The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant."
"As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative Mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am."
"The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence."
"Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged."
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up."
"I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old."
"I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby."
"When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys."
Erma Bombeck Quotes About Motherhood
(The famous Dayton humorist, Erma Louise Bombeck had a remarkable take on motherhood.)
One of the bestsellers published by Erma Bombeck was a self-help book titled 'When God Created Mothers'.
The book's plot was that when God was creating mothers, he went on the sixth day of overtime, finding it difficult to create a specific feature of the 'mother's order', that is, three pairs of eyes.
God envisioned a mother having one pair to see through closed doors, another at the back of her head, and the third one in the front to see her child.
Read these top motherhood quotes by Erma Bombeck.
"Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world."
- 'Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession.'
"Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then, the mother is born."
"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."
"When the good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of overtime when the angel appeared and said, 'You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.'"
- 'When God Created Mothers'.
"If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."
"Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him."
"A child needs your love the most when he deserves it least."
"Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born."
"Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven."
"Every puppy should have a boy."
"No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday."
"It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line."
"I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower."
- 'When God Created Mothers'.
"Success is outliving your failures."
"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain."
"Children make your life important."
"The angel shook her head slowly and said, 'Six pairs of hands.... no way.'
'It's not the hands that are causing me problems,' God remarked, 'it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.'"
- 'When God Created Mothers'.
Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes
Erma Bombeck is widely recognized for her newspaper column describing suburban life syndicates from 1965-1996. She was also credited with launching her writing career at the University of Dayton. Listed below are a few of the best quotes from Erma Louise Bombeck as a syndicated columnist and humorist.
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
"Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere."
"Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what."
"There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it."
'Eat Less Cottage Cheese And More Ice Cream: Thoughts On Life From Erma Bombeck'.
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy."
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."
"Success is outliving your failures."
"There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo."
"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance."
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food."
"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
"I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up."
Funny Erma Bombeck Quotes
Erma Bombeck was widely known as a writer and columnist who shared a lot of witty takes on motherhood. Her humorous and unique writing style could easily make anyone laugh. Read these funny and relatable Erma Bombeck quotes to laugh out loud.
"All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them."
"Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old."
"Mother's words of wisdom: 'Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!'."
"Never order food in excess of your body weight."
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer SAYS you're out of it."
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
"Cats invented self-esteem."
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
"Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed."
"I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night."
"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart."
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."
"Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage."
"Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy'. Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'."
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
"No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed."
"I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes."
