Scared Of Giving Birth? You're Not Alone

From glowing skin and shiny hair to happy daydreams about exactly what your little baby will be like, pregnancy can be a really wonderful time for a woman and her family.

But, here at Kidadl, we know it's not all ups! All sorts of considerations, whether it's health concerns or worries about your career, can leave you preoccupied and anxious.

So we're here to help. We've tackled all of the most common questions, topics, and issues faced by parents, and some of the uncommon ones too,  to make sure you have all the information and support you need at every stage of your journey.

Whether you need help dealing with an ovarian cyst during pregnancy, or you're close to your due date and you're looking for some gentle exercises to induce labor at home.

And in this article, we're taking on a fear faced by pretty much every mom-to-be ever: fear of childbirth. It doesn't matter if it's 'natural' and it doesn't matter if all women do it; you definitely have the right to be scared!

But we're tackling those fears head-on and bringing you practical tips for how to manage that anxiety and have a healthy happy birth.

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Is It Normal To Be Scared Of Giving Birth?

Rest assured, it is absolutely, 100% normal to be afraid of giving birth, most women are! Pregnancy and childbirth is a huge event in your life and something so life-changing is bound to be accompanied by fear, worry or anxiety. And that's without the physical, mental and emotional impact the process has on your body.

If it's your first baby, you might have anxiety around the whole experience, from start to finish. From wondering if you'll recognize the signs of early labor and getting to the hospital on time, to worrying about what the pain will feel like and exactly what kind of delivery you'll end up having.

And even if it's not your first baby, it's still totally normal to experience fear. If you had positive previous births, you may worry that you won't be as 'lucky' this time around.

Or, conversely, if you had traumatic previous births, you might worry that something bad might happen this time around too. And on top of that, there are still the usual unknowns of labor and delivery that you just can't predict.

But sometimes fear of giving birth goes one step further. Tokophobia is a mental health condition, which leads to extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth avoidance.

This pathological terror can often mean that expectant mothers do not want to go through with the birth, and it may drive them to make decisions relating to labor and delivery that are out of character or ill-advised.

Tokophobia is pretty rare, but if you are concerned you may be suffering, contact your doctor. The condition can be successfully treated with a combination of medication, treatments, and support.

Whatever your circumstances are, as you prepare to give birth, remember that you are not alone.

Coping Mechanisms For Being Scared Of Birth

There are lots of different techniques you and your family can try to help alleviate a fear of childbirth.

A childbirth class can be really helpful. Here, you have access to a trained professional who can answer all of your questions and help to put your mind at ease. And you also have a community; a group of families in the same position as you, with whom you can share your worries, and share a laugh.

If you feel uncomfortable in larger groups and would prefer more personal, one-on-one support, a doula is a great alternative. A doula is not a medical professional like a doctor but is trained and experienced in caring for women in pregnancy, during birth and postnatally, by providing unbiased information, advocacy, practical help, and mental, physical, and emotional support.

Moms often feel more comfortable and at ease with a doula because they focus on wellbeing and achieving a positive birth experience.

Preparing a birth plan can help to reduce fear by allowing moms to have an element of control over a fairly unpredictable experience. Although it's important that your birth plan be flexible if needed, considering and writing down your thoughts and preferences around the key points of labor and delivery can help you to feel calm and prepared.

Areas to think about are what kind of pain relief you prefer, do you want an epidural or gas and air? Are you planning on a C section or a vaginal birth?

Would you like a water birth?

Who will be your birth partner, and would you like them to clamp the umbilical cord? Thinking through and getting a handle on the different variables can really help.

Doing any more preparation in advance, other than your birth plan, depends on the type of person you are, as to whether that would ease or increase anxiety.

Some pregnant women feel so much better when they've read all the books, watched all the videos, and gathered every single birth story from their friends and family that they can. Other women would be triggered by that amount of advanced knowledge and it might worsen their fears tenfold.

Only you know what kind of approach would best suit you, and help to put your mind at ease.

There's no getting away from it, labor and childbirth is painful. Arguably the least painful way to give birth is with the aid of an epidural, an injection of anesthetic into your back that will stop you from feeling pain in the lower part of your body.

So if you have a fear of pain, it might be comforting to know that there are very effective pain relief options available to you, if you have a hospital birth.

Many women are also scared of vaginal tearing when giving birth. There are many different reasons for vaginal tearing, as well as different degrees of severity of tearing, but there are practical things you can do to help prevent it and relieve some fears.

Daily perineal massage, from around 35 weeks onwards, can help to reduce your risk of tearing by increasing elasticity in your perineal area.

Particularly beneficial for first-time moms, you can do it yourself or ask your partner to help.

You can find easy step-by-step guides online, or ask your health care provider for more information. Your chosen birth position can also help to reduce the risk, so manage your fears by looking into the variety of possible positive birth positions; kneeling, all-fours, or lying on your side are all a great place to start.

Some women are scared of dying while giving birth. This is of course a very real fear, but it isn't common.

According to The Commonwealth Fund, in 2018 there were 17 maternal deaths for every 100,000 live births in the U.S., a figure of 0.017%. The death of women in childbirth is heartbreaking but it is unlikely to happen to you.

Popular self-care and wellness techniques could also prove very effective coping mechanisms if you are scared of labor. Mindfulness and meditation are ideal for calming the mind and anchoring you in the moment.

These techniques can also be used during the delivery itself, giving lovely continuity to your experience.

You could also try journaling as a healthy outlet for your fears, get them out of your head and onto the page! A gratitude diary could also help, by reminding you of the wonderful journey you're on and the baby you will have at the end of it, rather than letting you focus on the negatives.

Ways To Reassure Somebody Scared Of Giving Birth

If you have a friend or family member that is afraid of giving birth, try to be respectful of their feelings. This is not the time to re-tell your own maybe less-than-positive birth experience to a mom who's terrified.

It's also not the time to tell a mom who genuinely doesn't think she'll make it through how easy you found it. Take your lead from them. Listen to how they're feeling, give them comfort, support, reassurance, and only share your personal story if they ask.

And the same goes for if you're looking for funny ways to reassure someone scared of giving birth. It might not be wise to automatically assume they have the same humor as you, especially when it comes to labor!

But you know your friends best. There are some great funny greetings cards and gifts on the market (you can even find childbirth celebration cakes!) which are sure to take the edge off.

You can also help by keeping the lines of communication open. If you haven't heard from your pregnant friend in a while, she may be struggling.

Reach out and let her know you're there.

Keep talking and creating safe spaces for her to share her health concerns, whether they seem rational to you or not, and a problem shared is a problem halved. The most important thing is to make sure she knows that she is not alone and that she has the support of family and friends around her.

If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at how to deal with morning sickness at night or painful sex during pregnancy?

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