54 Best Chandler Bing Quotes That Couldn't BE More Great

Supriya Jain
Jan 29, 2024 By Supriya Jain
Originally Published on Jan 13, 2021
Edited by Luca Demetriou
CD and artwork of video CD BEST OF FRIENDS.
Age: 0-99
Read time: 7.9 Min

We are here with a collection of the best Chandler Bing quotes for you to relax, sit back and enjoy.

It has almost been 17 years since ‘Friends’ bid farewell to their fans since their last episode was aired, leaving a huge hole in our hearts. The world has changed, but many people are still equally crazy about their favorite characters from the sitcom, including Ross and Monica Geller, Rachel Green, Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, and Phoebe Buffay that are loved by their fans as much as they were 17 years ago.

‘Friends’ is one of the longest-running sitcoms that introduced us to one of the funniest characters, Chandler Binge, inarguably. Even though every ‘Friends’ actor is considered a gem, Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing has impressed the audience with his humor and sarcasm to make it roll, he is often hopeless and awkward, so there are plenty of Chandler Bing one liners plus other hilarious quotes for you. So, let’s take a look at some of the best, funniest, quirkiest and appetizing Chandler Bing quotes without wasting any more time.

If you like this article of 'Friends' quotes, you may also like [Joey Tribbiani quotes] and Phoebe Buffay quotes.

Best Chandler Quotes

Chandler from 'Friends' had a job no one entirely understood, but he has never failed to make us laugh with his jokes, humor, and sarcastic replies. Let’s take a look at some of the best Chandler Bing quotes for you to enjoy throughout the ‘Friends’ sitcom.

T-shirt with logo, from the 90's sitcom FRIENDS.

1. “Hi, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”

- Chandler Bing.

2. Chandler: “Oh dear god. Hold on, there’s something different.”

Ross: “I went to that tanning bed your wife suggested.”

Chandler: “Was that place the sun?”

- Friends.

3. “I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”

- Chandler Bing.

4. “I can handle this. “Handle” is my middle name. Actually, “handle” is the middle of my first name.”

- Chandler Bing.

5. Shelley: “Hey gorgeous, how’s it going?”

Chandler: “Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?”

- 'Friends'.

6. “Nice camouflage. For a minute, I almost didn’t see you.”

- Chandler Bing.

7. Ross: “What am I gonna do? This is a complete nightmare.”

Chandler: “I know. This must be so hard. “Oh, no. Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous, my wallet is too small for my 50s, and my diamond shoes are too tight.”

- 'Friends'.

8. “I’m full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I’ll regret it.”

- Chandler Bing.

9. Ross: “I could ask her to live with me. I mean, why not?”

Chandler: “Because you’ve only known her for six weeks. I’ve got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I’ve had a longer relationship with.”

- 'Friends'.

10.  “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

- Chandler Bing.

11.  Monica: “Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?”

Chandler: “Why is your family Ross?”

- 'Friends'.

12.  “What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?”

- Chandler Bing.

13.  Rachel: “Ta-daa!”

Chandler: “Are we greeting each other this way now? Cause I like that.”

- 'Friends'.

14.  “I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”

- Chandler Bing.

15.  “You didn’t ‘get’ me. It’s an electric drill. You ‘get’ me you kill me!”

- Chandler Bing.

Famous Chandler Bing Quotes

Matthew Perry’s Chandler Bing was a professional in statistical analysis and data reconfiguration that no one entirely understood, and has been a warm and hilarious friend to all his friends. Let’s look at some of the most famous Chandler Bing quotes from ‘Friends’ sitcom over the years.

16.  “When I was younger, I started using humor as a defense mechanism.”

- Chandler Bing.

17.  “Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!”

- Chandler Bing.

18.  Ross: “She’s got to go back to London. But, you know what? I’ve been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together and then that’s it.”

Joey: “That’s what all my relationships are like.”

Chandler: “Yes, but in Ross’ case, they both know in two weeks that’s it.”

- 'Friends'.  

19.  “I want to start drinking in the morning. Don’t say I don’t have goals!”

- Chandler Bing.

20.  Ross: “What are you doing tonight?”

Chandler: “Why, do you have a lecture?”

Ross: “No.”

Chandler: “Free as a bird, what’s up?”

- 'Friends'.

21.  “Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple. It opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.”

- Chandler Bing.

22.  “You’ll be carrying their baby And giving them a Sony Playstation?”

- Chandler Bing.

23.  “So it seems like this internet thing is here to stay.”

- Chandler Bing.

24.  Joey: “You’re smoking again?”

Chandler: “Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I’m smoking still.”

- 'Friends'.

25.  “It’s seven years ago. My time machine works!”

- Chandler Bing.

26.  “I am glad we are having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely practice my meals before I eat.”

- Chandler Bing.

27.  Ross: “Don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock-hard pecs?”

Chandler: “No, I want a flabby gut and saggy man-breasts.”

- 'Friends'.

28.  “It’s so hard to care when you’re this relaxed.”

- Chandler Bing.

29.  Chandler: “I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?”

Rachel: (Exasperated) “Yes, Chandler, that’s exactly what it is. It’s your hair.”

Phoebe: “Yeah, you have homosexual hair.”

- 'Friends'.

30.  Ross: “Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.”

Chandler: “Okay, but you’ll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we’ll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.”

- 'Friends'.

31.  “You’re a door. You only like knock-knock jokes.”

- Chandler Bing.

32.  “I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last twelve hundred times.”

- Chandler Bing.

33.  “On second thought, gum would be perfection. [To himself] Gum would be perfection? Could’ve said, “Gum would be nice,” or, “I’ll have a stick,” but no. For me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself.”

- Chandler Bing.

34.  “I’m a headhunter. I hook up out-of-work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi, Rasputin!”

- Chandler Bing.

Funny Chandler Bing Quotes

Chandler Bing is a character to follow who is a great friend and will help you up when you fall and laugh about it all day. Let’s take a look at some of the funniest and hilarious Chandler Bing quotes for you to enjoy and laugh at.

35.  “Until I was 25, I thought that the only response to ‘I love you’ Was ‘Oh, damn!”

- Chandler Bing.

36.  Ross: “Ok, look. You don’t have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That’s not so scary is it?”

Chandler: “Depends on what you mean by “we”.”

- 'Friends'.

37.  “I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act. I mean, it’s like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.”

- Chandler Bing.

38.  Monica: “I think I’d be great in a war. I’d, like, get all the medals.”

Chandler: “Before or after you’re executed by your own troops?”

- 'Friends'.

39.  “All right, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put career before men.”

- Chandler Bing.

40.  Phoebe: “For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.”

Chandler: “I don’t think you can make that statement, unless you’ve been kicked in the area, God only meant to be treated nicely.”

- 'Friends'.

41.  “So, I figure I’ll be crazy man with a snake, y’know? Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. ‘Run away from Crazy Snake Man,’ they’ll shout!”

- Chandler Bing.

42.  “I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”

- Chandler Bing.

43.  “I am not ‘blah,’ I’m a hoot!”

- Chandler Bing.

44.  “Oh, We’re just sitting here doing nothing. It’s our rehearsal for tomorrow.”

- Chandler Bing.

45.  Monica : “Hey. Where’s Joey?”

Chandler : “Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?”

- 'Friends'.

46.  Joey: “Okay, Ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.”

Chandler: “What kind of scary clowns came to your birthday?”

- 'Friends'.

47.  “Like what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checking out the Chan Chan man!”

- Chandler Bing.

48.  Chandler: “An 80-foot inflatable dog loose over the city? How often does that happen?”

Phoebe: “Almost never.”

- 'Friends'.

49.  “I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.”

- Chandler Bing.

50.  “If I were a guy and…did I just say ‘if I were a guy?’”

- Chandler Bing.

51.  Joey: “Some girl ate Monica.”

Monica: “Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds!”

Chandler: “So how many cameras are actually on you?”

- Friends.

52.  “It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”

- Chandler Bing.

53.  Monica: “And I assume Chandler, you’re still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.”

Chandler: “Yes every single one of them.”

- 'Friends'.

54.  “You have to stop the q-tip when there’s resistance!”

- Chandler Bing.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 54 Best Chandler Bing quotes, then why not take a look at Monica Geller quotes or [Ross Geller quotes].

Main image credit: Kraft74 / Shutterstock.com

Article image credit: Kraft74 / Shutterstock.com

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Written by Supriya Jain

Bachelor of Commerce, Master of Business Administration specializing in Marketing

Supriya Jain picture

Supriya JainBachelor of Commerce, Master of Business Administration specializing in Marketing

As a skilled member of the Kidadl team, Shruti brings extensive experience and expertise in professional content writing. With a Bachelor's degree in Commerce from Punjab University and an MBA in Business Administration from IMT Nagpur, Shruti has worked in diverse roles such as sales intern, content writer, executive trainee, and business development consultant. Her exceptional writing skills cover a wide range of areas, including SOP, SEO, B2B/B2C, and academic content.

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