90 Great Schitt's Creek Quotes For Teen Sitcom Fans

'Schitt's Creek' is a Canadian television sitcom produced by Eugene Levy and Dan Levy, father and son, that aired on CBC Television from 13 January 2015 to 7 April 2020.

The show consists of 80 episodes spread over six seasons. The family loses its fortune after Rose's business manager embezzles the family business, Rose Video, and moves to 'Schitt's Creek', a small town that they once bought as a joke.

After being defrauded by their business manager, the affluent Rose family, video store magnate Johnny (Eugene Levy), his wife and former soap opera star Moira (Catherine O'Hara), and their pampered adult children David (Dan Levy) and Alexis (Annie Murphy) lose their fortune.

With their only remaining possessions, they rebuild their lives in a small town called Schitt's Creek, which Johnny bought for David as a joke.

These specially curated quotes include funny quotes from different characters of 'Schitt's Creek'.

If you find our content interesting, you can also check out ['Parks and Rec' quotes] and 'The Office' love quotes.

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Best 'Schitt's Creek' Quotes

Here are all the best quotes of 'Schitt's Creek'.

1. “Like Beyoncé, I excel as a solo artist.”

- David Rose, Season Four, Episode Four.

2. “This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage… I was half expecting early Unabomber.”

- Moira Rose, Season One, Episode Five.

3. “Well, this town is very screamnastic.”

– Johnny Rose, Season Rhree, Episode One.

4. “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.”

- Moira Rose, Season One, Episode 13.

5. “What kind of barnyard were you raised in?”

- David Rose, Season Three, Episode Two.

6. "It makes it seem like, as soon as you find the right key, everything's just supposed to work out, right? But, life is more complicated than that."

- Alexis Rose, Season Four, Episode 12.

7. "There's something very cathartic about stepping into someone else's world."

-  Sebastien Raine, Season Three, Episode 10.

8. "I'm gonna need a stiff drink to get through this."

- David Rose, Season One, Episode Two.

9. "I draw the line at living in a crime scene!"

- Moira Rose, Season Four, Episode One.

10. “It's called 'Schitt's Creek', and it's where we live."

- Johnny Rose, Season Two, Episode 13.

Best Of Alexis Quotes

Here are the funniest 'Schitt's Creek' Alexis quotes to make you laugh.

11. “My name is Alexis, and yes, I did not finish high school. Um, it’s this long, boring story involving a yacht, and a famous soccer player, and like a ton of mushrooms.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Three, Episode Seven.

12. “Hide your diamonds, hide your exes, I’m a little bit Alexis!”

- Alexis Rose, Season Five, Episode Eight.

13. “I don’t want to brag, but Us Weekly once described me as ‘up for anything.'”

-  Alexis Rose, Season Two, Episode Nine.

14. “I totally get that.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Two, Episode One.

15. “I was casually seeing Prince Harry,... we were going through this very dark phase where we were just, like, partying too hard.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Three, Episode Seven.

16. “Just remember: no sudden movements, do not reach for the glove box, and no matter what happens, do not tell them your real name.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Two, Episode Eight.

17. “Stop doing that with your face.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Two, Episode Seven.

18. “I wasn’t in rehab; I was at rehab, visiting Stavros.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Three, Episode 12.

19. “But people love extreme vanity…and they love puppies!”

- Alexis Rose, Season Three, Episode Five.

20. "I don't skate through life, David. I walk through life, in really nice shoes.”

- Alexis Rose, Season Three, Episode Four.

21. “You know what, David, you get murdered first for once.”

- Alexis Rose, Season One, Episode One.

22. “What now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? Because I did that with Harry Styles in England, and it was, like, too rainy.”

-Alexis Rose, Season Six, Episode Eight.

Best Of David Rose Quotes

Here are a few David Rose 'Schitt's Creek' quotes.

23. “I will not feel shame about the mall pretzels.”

- David Rose, Season Three, Episode Ten.

24. "It's just one long string of really bad luck,... I must have been Dracula or a spin instructor or something."

- David Rose, Season Four, Episode Seven.

25. "I am suffering romantically right now, and there was a minute when I thought I would never have to look at another dating app, and here you are shoving bumpkins in my face."

- David Rose, Season Four, Episode Eight.

26. "If anyone knows how to crawl out from under an embarrassing romantic failure, it's me."

- David Rose, Season Five, Episode Four.

27. "I'm starting to feel like I'm trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here."

- David Rose, Season Three, Episode Four.

28. "I've been burned so many times I'm like the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow."

- David Rose, Season Four, Episode 12.

29. "I was perfectly fine not trusting people. Not trusting people is what I'm used to. It is my comfort zone."

- David Rose, Season Four, Episode Seven.

30. "I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year."

– David Rose, Season One, Episode Seven.

31. “Yeah I just feel like the whole session was rushed. Like, there was no backlighting, or emotional direction.”

– David Rose, Season Three, Episode Four.

32. “I Googled that bug. It’s some sort of demonic cricket that takes chunks out of your skin when provoked. ‘Chunks’ is the word that Google used.”

– David Rose, Season One, Episode Seven.

33. “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.”

– David Rose, Season One, Episode Seven.

34. "Well, 'fearful' makes me sound like some Dickensian orphan with a chronic illness. It's more an aversion."

- David Rose, Season Five, Episode One.

35. "You know, being approachable isn't that important anyway, The Queen hasn't smiled since the '70s, and her birthdays are still very well attended."

- David Rose, Season Two, Episode Eight.

36. "I see where you're going with this,... I like the wine, and not the label. Does that make sense?"

- David Rose, Season One, Episode Ten.

37. "Don't be a little B!"

- David Rose, Season Five, Episode Seven.

38. “No matter what anyone says, you will always be our first dad.”

- David Rose, Season Three, Episode Nine.

39. “Fall off a bridge, please.”

- David Rose to Alexis, Season Four, Episode One.

40. “You just watch a season of Girls and do the opposite of what they do.”

-  David Rose, Season One, Episode 13.

41. “I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling asleep early.”

- David Rose, Season Three, Episode 13.

42. “The internet is a breeding ground for freaks.”

- David Rose, Season Five, Episode Six.

43. “Very uninterested in that opinion.”

- David Rose, Season Three, Episode 13.

44. “I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was twenty-two.”

- David Rose Season Three, Episode One.

45. “The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you…a lot.”

- David Rose, Season One, Episode 11.

46. “Even though everything inside us is telling us to protect ourselves, when you got it, don't let it go.”

- David Rose, Season Four, Episode 12.

Funny Johnny Rose Quotes

Here are the best of Johnny Rose quotes.

47. "Are you in danger? Blink if you're in danger."

- Johnny Rose, Season One, Episode Ten.

48. “Tweet us on Facebook.”

- Johnny Rose, Season Three, Episode Eight.

49. "They offered us their truck whenever we needed."

- Johnny Rose, Season Two, Episode 13.

50. “A hashtag? Is that two words?”

– Johnny Rose. Season Three, Episode Eight.

51. “Oh, I know I don’t have any money, but I need to look like I don’t have money.”

– Johnny Rose, Season Three, Episode Three.

52. “Why am I getting booed?”

- Johnny Rose, Season Six, Episode 11.

53. “Are we having a bad day, honey?”

- Johnny Rose, Season One, Episode Three.

54. “You’re not the only one with an online presence.”

- Johnny Rose, Season Three, Episode Eight.

55. “He loves everyone,... you know, just pick one gender, and maybe, maybe everything would’ve been less confusing.”

- Johnny Rose, Season One, Episode Ten.

56. ‘Roland: Well, you know, Johnny, when it comes to matters of the heart, we can’t tell our kids who to love. Who said that?

Johnny: You did.’

- Season One, Episode Two.

Best Of Moira Rose

Here are the best and funny quotes by Moira Rose.

57. “The live crows on set welcomed me as one of their own. One even tried to mate.”

- Moira Rose, Season Six, Episode Four.

58. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!”

- Moira Rose, Season Three, Episode One.

59. “I won’t wear anything with an adhesive backing.”

- Moira Rose, Season Three, Episode Nine.

60. “There's nothing here but hot singles in my area.”

- Moira Rose, Season Three, Episode Nine.

61. “Where is Bebe's chamber?”

- Moira Rose, Season Five, Episode Ten.

62. “Gossip is the devil's telephone. Best to just hang up!”

- Moira Rose, Season Four, Episode Four.

63. “Fear not, she hath risen!”

- Moira Rose, Season Four, Episode Five.

64. ‘Alexis: What's your favorite season?

Moira: Awards.’

- Season Three, Episode Two.

65. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her own mask on first.”

- Moira Rose, Season Three, Episode Nine.

66. “A heavy salad might as well be a casserole.”

- Moira Rose, Season Three, Episode Two.

67. “I don't know what to do, David. The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during Shakespeare at Sea Week!”

- Moira Rose, Season Four, Episode One.

68. “This wine is awful. Get me another glass.”

- Moira Rose, Season One, Episode Ten.

69.  “Oh, it’s always just a cold, John—until it’s full-blown typhoid!”

- Moira Rose, Season Two, Episode Five.

70. “Oh good, now I see bubbles. David! What does burning smell like?”

– Moira Rose, Season Two, Episode Two.

Funniest And Best Quotes From 'Schitt's Creek'

Here are some hilarious quotes from the rest of the cast. Laugh away at these 'Schitt's Creek' quotes.

71. “I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.”

- Stevie Budd, Season Four, Episode 13.

72. “You’re my Mariah Carey”

- Patrick Brewer, Season Four, Episode 12.

73. “There’s something wrong with your face.”

- Stevie Budd, Season Four, Episode 11.

74. "I do. Given today's political climate, we don't need to divide ourselves any more than we already have."

-Patrick Brewer, Season Five, Episode Nine.

75. “David, you have to stop watching Notting Hill. It’s not helpful for our relationship.”

- Patrick Brewer, Season Five, Episode 13.

76. “I hope that someday I find someone who I can stand long enough to feel a little lost when they’re not around.”

- Stevie Budd, Season Five, Episode One.

77.  "Decorations, but even if we could still afford Nate Berkus, I'd burned that bridge in Ibiza."

-David Rose, Season Four, Episode 13.

78. "Well, at least we know if the cops don't get him, his cholesterol will."

-Stevie Budd, Season Five, Episode Two.

79. "Oh, yeah, that burnt out years ago. Sadly it hasn't been an issue, but maybe we could use the 'no' from the 'no refunds' sign."

-Stevie Budd, Season Three, Episode 13.

80. "You strike me as the sort of person that had a hard time in high school.”

- Jocelyn, Season One, Episode 11.

81. "This isn't 'Say Yes to the Dress,' princess. Orange is the new orange."

- Ronnie Lee, Season One, Episode Four.

82. "You don't wanna use the name Bob? Oh, I get it, go something a little more old testament?"

- Bob Currie, Season Two, Episode Five.

83. "I actually wanted to do 'Cats,' but everybody said that it was too political, so.”

-  Jocelyn, Season Five, Episode Seven.

84. "You know, when you kissed me, that, that felt like my first time. All the things that you're supposed to feel, I- I felt them last night."

-  Patrick Brewer, Season Four, Episode One.

85. “I’m incapable of faking sincerity.”

- Stevie Budd, Season Three, Episode Eight.

86. "Moira, it's like, on the inside I feel like I'm 19-years-old, and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and realize that I'm so not...”

- Jocelyn, Season Five, Episode Six.

87. "It's just, you're talking about how nice it is not to talk, but you're still, talking about it."

- Mutt, Season Two, Episode Six.

88. “Well, what can I say, sometimes I like to live dangerously. While still respecting my personal boundaries.”

- Ted Mullens, Season Three, Episode Five.

89. “I’m only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.”

- Stevie Budd, Season One, Episode One.

90. “Well, congratulations. Let me get the champagne. You guys are gonna love it. It's the same one we use to celebrate my mom's divorces.”

- Twyla Sands, Season Two, Episode Five.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 'Schitt's Creek' quotes then why not take a look at 'Glee' quotes, or ['Big bang Theory' quotes].