101 Homer Simpson Quotes From The Lovable Doh-Ball Dad

Homer Simpson is the main character in 'The Simpsons' TV series.

'The Simpsons' was first aired on 17 December 1989. The show ended on 17 May 2020.

'The Simpsons' series was created and designed by Matt Groening. The voice of Homer Simpson is given by Dan Castellaneta. The full name of Homer Simpson is Homer Jay Simpson.

He has a wife named Marge and three children- Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. 'The Simpsons' is the longest-running TV series and is loved across the globe. If you like such quotes, why not read our Simpsons quotes and Tina Belcher quotes.

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Best Homer Simpson Quotes

'The Simpsons' series has a total of 32 seasons. Due to the popularity of the show, it has been running for many years. Read the finest quotes from the series and laugh out loud.

1. "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life, if you had an electrified fooling machine."

-Homer Simpson.

2. "I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."

-Homer Simpson.

3. "But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old. Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"

-Homer Simpson.

4. "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

-Homer Simpson.

5. "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman."

-Homer Simpson.

6. "Bart, with 10,000 dollars we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things, like... love!"

-Homer Simpson.

7. "Marge, it takes two to lie - one to lie, and one to listen."

-Homer Simpson.

8. "Marge, I agree with you in theory. In theory communism works . . . in theory."

-Homer Simpson.

9. "Aaaah! Pink? Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different."

-Homer Simpson.

10. "Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves."

-Homer Simpson.

11. "Oh. And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain."

-Homer Simpson.

12. "A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice."

-Homer Simpson.

Funny Homer Simpson Quotes

'The Simpsons' was running for almost 31 years. It is one of the best comedy series in American history and what every comedy writer would dream of writing. Discover the magic of funny quotes from the series.

13. "A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator."

-Homer Simpson.

14. "If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"

-Homer Simpson.

15. "Marge, you know it's rude to talk when my mouth is full."

-Homer Simpson.

16. "My beer! You never had a chance to become my urine!"

-Homer Simpson.

17. "Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out."

-Homer Simpson.

18. "Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."

-Homer Simpson.

19. "What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here, anyway."

-Homer Simpson.

20. "All my life, I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals."

-Homer Simpson.

21. "A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center."

-Homer Simpson.

22. "Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"

-Homer Simpson.

23. "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."

-Homer Simpson.

24. "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

-Homer Simpson.

25. "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

-Homer Simpson.

26. "Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"

-Homer Simpson.

27. "Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants."

-Homer Simpson.

Homer Simpson Quotes Of Wisdom

Why not lift your spirits and get rid of your anger? Read the funny wisdom quotes by Homer Simpson and energize yourself.

28. "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."

-Homer Simpson.

29. "Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils!"

-Homer Simpson.

30. "Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos."

-Homer Simpson.

31. "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

-Homer Simpson.

32. "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

-Homer Simpson.

33. "If the Flintstones taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement!"

-Homer Simpson.

34. "Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me but let's just do this, and I can go back to killing you with beer."

-Homer Simpson.

35. "Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it's what separates us from the animals… except the weasel."

-Homer Simpson.

36. "If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

-Homer Simpson.

37. "Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever...Thy will be done."

-Homer Simpson.

38. "I wish God were alive to see this."

-Homer Simpson.

39. "Trying is the first step towards failure."

-Homer Simpson.

40. "It's so simple to be wise… just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."

-Homer Simpson.

41. "You can't depend on me all your life. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us."

-Homer Simpson.

42. "When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

-Homer Simpson.

43. "And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream."

-Homer Simpson.

44. "Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad."

-Homer Simpson.

45. "And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned."

-Homer Simpson.

46. "Hey Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win."

-Homer Simpson.

47. "The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

-Homer Simpson.

Homer Simpson Quotes On Life

How to make your life happy? Read the humorous quotes by Homer Simpson about his perception of life.

48. "When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

-Homer Simpson.

49. "I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

-Homer Simpson.

50. "When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life..."

-Homer Simpson.

51. "You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide."

-Homer Simpson.

Homer Simpson Quotes About Work

Homer Simpson works at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and often gets fired from the job. He has the habit of causing widespread destruction. Read the amusing quotes about work from the series 'The Simpsons'.

52. "If you don't like your job, you don't strike!"

-Homer Simpson.

53. "Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?"

-Homer Simpson.

54. "Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out."

-Homer Simpson.

55. "A job's a job. I mean, take me. If my plant pollutes the water and poisons the town, by your logic, that would make me a criminal."

-Homer Simpson.

56. "Hey! He lied to us through song. I hate it when people do that."

-Homer Simpson.

57. "If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

-Homer Simpson.

58. "I'm going to lose my job just 'cause I'm dangerously unqualified!"

-Homer Simpson.

59. "I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no God."

-Homer Simpson.

60. "I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around."

-Homer Simpson.

61. "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

-Homer Simpson.

Favorite Homer Simpson Quotes

Although Homer Simpson is a lazy and unprofessional person, yet he is outspoken. Read some of the famous quotes from the TV series 'The Simpsons'.

62. "Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail."

-Homer Simpson.

63. "We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one-inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart as I'm in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!"

-Homer Simpson.

64. "I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

-Homer Simpson.

65. "Aw, 20 dollars? I wanted a peanut!"

-Homer Simpson.

66. "I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold, and eaten."

-Homer Simpson.

67. "Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

-Homer Simpson.

68. "OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"

-Homer Simpson.

69. "Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world."

-Homer Simpson.

70. "I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?"

-Homer Simpson.

71. "If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin."

-Homer Simpson.

Homer Simpson Quotes On Sports

Sports has been one of the main themes of 'The Simpsons' series. Here are best quotes from the series that show Homer Simpson's love for sports.

72. "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get."

-Homer Simpson.

73. "My favorite team's in it. The...Atlanta Falcons."

-Homer Simpson.

74. "The next man wants to hit the ball too, and he does...and everyone is happy."

-Homer Simpson.

75. "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such..."

-Homer Simpson.

Famous Homer Simpson Quotes

Start your day with a smile. Read the witty and funny quotes from the series to enjoy your day.

76. "We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget – we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, and the pudding cup."

-Homer Simpson.

77. "If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair."

-Homer Simpson.

78. "Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

-Homer Simpson.

79. "Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake."

-Homer Simpson.

80. "What are you guys laughing at? If you say Jimmy Fallon, I'll know you're lying."

-Homer Simpson.

81. "America's health care system is second only to Japan… Canada, Sweden, Great Britain… well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

-Homer Simpson.

82. "What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."

-Homer Simpson.

83. "I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down'."

-Homer Simpson.

84. "It's like when we stopped paying the phone bill. They stopped calling us. In fact everyone did."

-Homer Simpson.

85. "But I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. The one that says, 'Don't worry about it. I got this.'"

-Homer Simpson.

86. "Sleeping bags on the floor, a roaring fire. It'll be just like the time they kicked me out of the sporting goods store."

-Homer Simpson.

87. "Why would women want to go to a gym if there were no men there watching them and judging them?"

-Homer Simpson.

88. "'Do not touch Willie'. Good advice."

-Homer Simpson.

89. "You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel."

-Homer Simpson.

90. "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

-Homer Simpson.

91. "When a woman says there's nothing wrong, it means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong."

-Homer Simpson.

Dumbest Homer Simpson Quotes

Even the stupidest sayings can be funny. Read the dumb yet funny quotes from 'The Simpsons'.

92. "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

-Homer Simpson.

93. "You're everywhere. You're omnivorous."

-Homer Simpson.

94. "Apu I need a keg and a six pack to hold me until I tap the keg."

-Homer Simpson.

95. "People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."

-Homer Simpson.

96. "Overdue book? This is the biggest frame-up since OJ! Wait a minute. Blood in the Bronco. The cuts on his hands. Those Jay Leno monologues. Oh my god, he did it!"

-Homer Simpson.

97. "Olive oil ... asparagus ... if your mother wasn't so fancy, we could shop at the gas station like normal people."

-Homer Simpson.

98. "You keep disappearing and reappearing and you're not even funny. You're just like that show Scrubs!"

-Homer Simpson.

99. "I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

-Homer Simpson.

100. "Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

-Homer Simpson.

101. "People can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that."

-Homer Simpson.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Homer Simpson quotes, then why not take a look at dream big quotes or effort quotes.

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