30 Kramer Quotes That All The Seinfeld Fans Will Remember

Anusuya Mukherjee
Feb 29, 2024 By Anusuya Mukherjee
Originally Published on Feb 03, 2021
Edited by Luca Demetriou
Woman relaxing at home in evening and watching TV.
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Read time: 5.5 Min

Cosmo Kramer, usually addressed as Kramer is an iconic character in the famous American sitcom, 'Seinfeld.'

He is the best friend of the lead character Jerry Seinfeld and is labeled as a lovable hipster doofus rogue because of his funny and sarcastic nature. Played by actor Michael Richards, he is an integral character who appears in nearly all episodes of the show and has won the hearts of many with his unique hairstyle and his love for vintage attire and Cuban cigars.

Here is a list of some of the best Cosmo Kramer quotes that will take 'Seinfeld' fans of Kramer right down the nostalgic memory lane. Here you'll find your next or first instagram caption, they work really for many scenarios and at any time, tell your friends, show them the sitcom, name the characters and even watch it while reciting these quotes! This stuff never gets old, you'll be coming back to these when you need a good laugh and to let your worries go.

Best Kramer Quotes

Are you looking for some of the funniest 'Seinfeld' quotes by your favorite character, Cosmo Kramer? Here is a list of the best 'Seinfeld' quotes by the name Kramer.

1. "Audrey: It’s amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating.

Kramer: Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job."

-Season Three, Episode Nine.

2. "Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Four, Episode 19.

3. "I’m out there, Jerry. And I’m loving every minute of it!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Six, Episode Four.

4. "I love the name ‘Isosceles.’ If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Four, Episode 22.

5. "You ever dream in 3-D? It's like the boogeyman is coming right at you."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Six, Episode Six.

6. "I got news for you: Handicapped people, they don't even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That's why, those spaces are always empty."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Four, Episode 22.

7. "Kramer: You’re becoming one of the glitterati.

George: What’s that?

Kramer: People who glitter."

-Season Six, Episode 11.

8. "You know how there's some people you worry about whether you're going to hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to get it on video, watch it in slow motion and freeze-frame it. Oh ho, yeah."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Three, Episode Four.

9. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know you'll be saying, "They should have their own schools"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Eight, Episode 19.

10. "Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like 'American Gladiators."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Eight, Episode 11.

11. "You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you're crazy... Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Nine, Episode Two.

12. "Do not call him Bob. It’s Maestro. He is a conductor, you know."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Seven, Episode Three.

13. "Jerry, George, and Elaine have all said privately that George's new girlfriend needs to get a nose job, but of course, since they have at least a little bit of sense, none of them would actually say it."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Three, Episode Nine.

14. "Whadda you think junior? These hands have been soaking in ivory liquid?"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Three, Episode 23.

15. "Do you think people will still be using napkins in the year 2000, or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Eight, Episode 20.

Famous Kramer Quotes

Family watching tv on sofa.

Are you looking for a famous 'Seinfeld' quote by Kramer? You will love this list of funny quotes by Kramer from 'Seinfeld.'

16. "Jerry...they are little people!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Five, Episode 16.

17. "Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Four, Episode 13.

18. "Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Six, Episode 23.

19. "You contribute nothing to society!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Three, Episode Four.

20. "Marriage? Family? They're prisons...Man-made prisons. You're doing time...You get up in the morning."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Three, Episode Four.

21. "The bus is outta control!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Five, Episode 19.

22. "Look away, I’m hideous!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Eight, Episode Nine.

23. "You’re a rabid anti-dentite!"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Eight, Episode 19.

24. "Yeah, because you're perfect. You're a calculating, coldhearted businesswoman. And when there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind stomping on a few throats."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Eight, Episode 13.

25. "Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Four, Episode 13.

26. "You know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables! Get it?"

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Five, Episode 22.

27. "Cosmo Kramer: Understudys, now they're a shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.

Jerry Seinfeld: I'm glad that she's an understudy. This way I avoid having to go backstage and think of something to say."

-Season Six, Episode 24.

28. "Hey, Silvio, look at Jerry here, prancing around in his coat with his purse. Yup, he's a dandy. He's a real fancy boy."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Nine, Episode 12.

29. "Kramer: You know the way you smell when you first come home from the beach? Well, I want to make a cologne that captures the essence of that smell. Oh yeah.

Steve: That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard.

Kramer: Oh, wait, Did you hear what I just said?

Steve: Do you think people are going to pay $80 a bottle to smell like dead fish and seaweed? That's why people take showers when they come home from the beach. It's an objectionable offensive odor."

-Season Three, Episode 14.

30. "Because I'm like ice, buddy. When I don't like you, you've got problems."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Three, Episode 22.

31. "Oh, Jerry, wake up to reality. It's military thing. They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors."

-Cosmo Kramer, Season Five, Episode Five.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotesfor everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Kramer quotes then why not take a look at Wednesday Addams quotes, or [80s quotes].

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Written by Anusuya Mukherjee

Bachelor of Arts and Law specializing in Political Science and Intellectual Property Rights

Anusuya Mukherjee picture

Anusuya MukherjeeBachelor of Arts and Law specializing in Political Science and Intellectual Property Rights

With a wealth of international experience spanning Europe, Africa, North America, and the Middle East, Anusuya brings a unique perspective to her work as a Content Assistant and Content Updating Coordinator. She holds a law degree from India and has practiced law in India and Kuwait. Anusuya is a fan of rap music and enjoys a good cup of coffee in her free time. Currently, she is working on her novel, "Mr. Ivory Merchant".

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