50+ MASH Quotes From The Hilarious TV Show

'MASH' is an American comedy sitcom that came out in the year 1972.

The TV show became extremely popular and it went on till the year 1983 for a total of 11 seasons. 'MASH' is still one of the highest-rated shows of all time.

The show is about a team of army doctors assigned at the '4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (MASH)' in South Korea. The events in the show take place during the Korean War.

The show has some hilarious exchanges between its characters. We've compiled the best of them in this article. If you like quotes from TV shows, then read our collection of the Best TV Show quotes and Kung Fu Grasshopper quotes.

‍

Best 'MASH' Quotes

Here are some famous 'MASH' quotes from the TV show.

1. "I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

2. "I've gotten 'Thank you' notes from people I said I'd never see again."

- Frank Burns.

3. "A device is yet to be invented that will measure my indifference to this remark."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

4. "Corporal, deform the men."

- Frank Burns.

5. "Sex happens to be one of the most important things in life in as much as each one of us is one or the other gender of it once we're born"

- Henry Blake.

6. "What in the name of beelzebub."

- Colonel Potter

7. "I want foxholes there, there, there and there -- each one smartly dug."

- Frank Burns.

8. "The way I see it, the army owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

9. "Insanity is just a state of mind."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

10. "What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot."

- Frank Burns.

11. "What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married. But figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure."

- Trapper John.

12. "Tonight's movie is a holdover from last week and will be shown right after supper, which is also a holdover from last week."

- PA.

13. "You different men are all alike."

- Margaret Houlihan.

14. "If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

15. "Frank, you've been pushing your stethoscope too far in your ears. I think it scratched your brain."

- Henry Blake.

16. "It's too big a world to be in competition with everyone. The only person who I have to be better than is myself."

- Col. Potter.

17. "Henry, you are bursting with something, your face could open a branch smile!"

- Hawkeye Pierce.

Funny 'MASH' Quotes

Here are some hilarious quotes from 'MASH'.

18. "I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son, and he dresses a lot like my wife."

- Col. Potter.

19. "Ugly color, 40 years out of style, fits like a tent? It's a class A uniform alright."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

20. "Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion."

- Col. Flagg.

21. "He's got eyes in the back of his stethoscope."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

22. "How would you like to donate a pint of blood through your nose?"

- Trapper John.

23. "Do you know that you look just like my father before he died?"

- Margaret Houlihan.

24. "Boy seeing the way you guys work with the wounded, the way you deal with burned up legs, ripped up bellies. Makes me proud every time I throw up."

- Corporal Klinger.

25. "I've got two kids of my own. I'm a former child myself."

- Henry Blake.

26. "A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores."

- Corporal Klinger.

27. "I am not so think as you drunk I am."

- Margaret Houlihan.

28. "You'll have to excuse these two, they are themselves today."

- Colonel Potter.

29. "I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A-train. I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

30. "What in the name of Sweet Fanny Adams happened here?"

- Colonel Potter.

31. "I am going to name my first wife after him."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

32. "I'm a life long Anglophile. England is still the only place I know where any young man can grow up to be the Queen."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

33. "This is Frank Burns, one of our best surgeons. A real killer."

- Henry Blake.

34. "Trapper John McIntyre: You have a lot of trouble with women, don't you?

Hawkeye Pierce: Every chance that I can!"

- 'MASH'.

35. "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy hour."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

Father Mulcahy Quotes

Here are the wittiest Father Mulcahy quotes from 'MASH'.

36. "Sir, I must protest the rash of mindless pranks being perpetrated around here."

- Father John Mulcahy.

37. "Remember what the good book says: Love thy neighbor, or I'll punch your lights out!"

- Father John Mulcahy.

38. "A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck/If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in heck."

- Father John Mulcahy.

39. "Klinger, how'd you like the last rites...and a few lefts!"

- Father John Mulcahy.

40. "This isn't one of my sermons; I expect you to listen.".

- Father John Mulcahy.

Hawkeye Quotes

Read the best Hawkeye quotes from 'MASH'.

41. "It's the first time I've seen orange juice labeled 'freshly killed'."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

42. "Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn."

- Hawkeye Pierce.

43. "Henry, you have no idea what it's like sharing a tent with a guy who thinks he's all twelve disciples!"

- Hawkeye Pierce.

44. "Frank Burns: I can plug an ace of hearts at fifty feet.

Hawkeye Pierce: I'll remember that if we're ever attacked by a bridge club."

- 'MASH'.

45. "Hawkeye Pierce: Great little war we have here.

Radar O'Reilly: I could do without it."

- 'MASH'.

'MASH' Radar Quotes

Here are the best Radar O'Reilly quotes from 'MASH'.

46. "Poetry, right? That's great how they can rhyme and be hot at the same time."

- Radar O'Reilly.

47. "Why don't you sirs act like sirs, sir?"

- Radar O'Reilly.

48. "I'm afraid he's doing some very important sleeping for the army right now."

- Radar O'Reilly.

49. "Well, I guess that's a bear we all got to cross."

- Radar O'Reilly.

50. "These are the forms to get the forms to order more forms, sir."

- Radar O'Reilly.

'MASH' Movie Quotes

These are the funniest quotes from the 'MASH' movie.

51. "Oh don't be silly. We're expecting some real sharp surgeons."

- Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake.

52. "I'll not only say it, but I'll back it with twenty bucks, how's that?"

- Duke Forrest

53. "Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop! It's the end of the quarter."

- Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake.

54. "I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf."

- Trapper John.

55. "Look, mother, I want to go to work in one hour. We are the Pros from Dover and we figure to crack this kid's chest and get out to golf course before it gets dark."

- Trapper John.

56. "Henry Blake: I've been in the Army a long time. I know what you fellas are trying to pull, but you're not going to push me around.

Hawkeye Pierce: Henry, not for the world would I push you around. But look there is one more thing: we need a chest cutter."

- 'MASH' 1970.

57. "Hawkeye Pierce: I see you are a beer drinker, sir. Would you care for a martini?

Trapper John: A martini? Yeah, I'd love a martini.

Hawkeye Pierce: [to Ho-Jon] Ho-Jon, get the gentleman a martini."

- 'MASH' 1970.

58. "Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had an average of about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals a year."

- Trapper John McIntyre.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 'MASH' quotes then why not take a look at ['Seinfeld' quotes], or 'The Office Senior' quotes.

‍