35 Milhouse Quotes

Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten is Bart Simpson's closest buddy and best friend in their fourth-grade class at Springfield Elementary School.

Milhouse is a vulnerable, wimpy, innocent, and less charming kid than Bart, who frequently gets into trouble with bullies like Nelson Muntz with his cronies, Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney because of Bart's pranks and mischief. In fact, most of Milhouse's funny moments and quotes result from his adventures with Bart Simpson.

Besides his key part in Bart's mischief, Milhouse's humorous moments are also drawn from his infatuation with Lisa Simpson, Bart's sister. Did you know? 'Remember Alf? He's back... in pog form!' was a quote made by Milhouse when he sold Bart's soul! Keep reading to see more interesting Milhouse quotes.

Here are some funny Milhouse quotes.

“I'm really sorry... I kind of traded your soul to the guy at the comic book store."

- Episode 4, Season 7, 'Bart Sells His Soul'.

“No way, Bart. If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies, or even the dreaded rear-admiral!”.

-Episode 5, Season 5 , 'Treehouse Of Horror IV'.

“Will there be cavemen in heaven?”

- Episode 8, Season 1, 'The Telltale Head'.

“Trust me, Bart, it’s better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of them.”

- Episode 8, Season 18, 'The Haw-Hawed Couple',

"But look! I got some cool pogs. Alf pogs!"

- Episode 4, Season 7, 'Bart Sells His Soul'.

“I can't wait to use your moves on Lisa.”

- Episode 12, Season 24, 'Love Is A Many Splintered Thing'.

“Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I have a crush on.”

- Episode 5, Season 18, 'G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)'.

“Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.”

- Episode 4, Season 18, 'Treehouse Of Horror XVII'.

“Oh, my God! I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a baa-baa. They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!”

-Episode 5, Season 19, 'Treehouse Of Horror XVIII'.

“I'm more worried about piranhas. Did you see that movie where they send a nuclear submarine to fight the piranhas, and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye, and he goes, "Aah! Aah! Aah!", and that old lady told him it would happen?”

-Episode 11, Season 7, 'Marge Be Not Proud'.

“If it's the blue hair and the schnoz you're digging, I've got plenty more cousins.”

- Episode 20, Season 26, 'Let's Go Fly A Coot'.

"Remember Alf? He's back... in pog form!"

-Episode 4, Season 7, 'Bart Sells His Soul'.

“More for me, marrying a cousin worked out great for my parents.”

- Episode 20, Season 26, 'Let's Go Fly A Coot'.

“Hey, Bart. I think I have a crush on your new sister.”

“Bart, look! It's Principal Skinner. And I think he's gone crazy he's not wearing a suit or tie or anything!”

“It's a birthday miracle! I can eat lunch for the first time in years!"  

 “So, this is what it feels like…when doves cry.”

Milhouse has been present at various unhappy moments on 'The Simpsons.' Here are some of his quotes from those moments.

“Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more. That's why you couldn't come to the party.”

“Lisa, if I don't make it back, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.”

“My mom doesn’t believe in fabric softener. But she’s not around!”

“A fat kid with a dream. I can’t compete with that.”

“But my mom says I’m cool.”

“So, this is what it feels like...when doves cry.”

“I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but--”

“I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.”

"Doesn't it say "Die, Bart, Die"?"

Here are some classic quotes from Milhouse.

"Fine. If you're so sure about that, why don't you sell your soul to me?"

“When Radioactive Man got injected with shrinking serum in issue 234, how come his costume shrinks too?”

“My heart makes up for my shortcomings, like Rudy!”

“Hey Bart! Lisa's skateboarding with some cool kids...and she looks like Blossom!”

“Bart, what are you doing?”

Some of the best Milhouse quotes have come from the time he spends with his friends. Here are some of the best Milhouse quotes from 'The Simpsons'.

“Ahem. OK, here’s what we've got: the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people, under the supervision of the reverse vampires, are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner! We’re through the looking glass, here, people.”

“Did you ever wonder if hippopotamuses think that rhinos are unicorns?”