25 Fred Sanford Quotes From The Classic NBC Sitcom

Luca Demetriou
Dec 12, 2023 By Luca Demetriou
Originally Published on Mar 14, 2021
Woman relaxing at home and watching TV

The all-time dominant television show and a classic sitcom, 'Sanford and Son', is definitely one of the greatest sitcoms in history.

“Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire.

This here is the finest pile of junk of the world”, as quoted by Redd Foxx, who played one of the protagonists in the classical sitcom 'Sanford And Son', proves that the show was indeed a shining star in the television landscape. Even after decades, it continues to bind the audience with its impeccable nasty yet hilarious comic timings.

The mesmerizing and impeccably hilarious performance by various characters continues to hold a great following even today. Basically, the comedy series is about a cantankerous 65-year-old, black, widowed junk dealer Fred Sanford, living in Los Angeles and his restless son Lamont Sanford, and the situations they find themselves in.

Known for its intense racial humor, running gags, and expressions, the premise of this legendary sitcom was adapted and produced by Norman Lear. Fred's moneymaking plans regularly blowback, and he does pretty much anything to escape work.

He's impolite, wry, blunt, clearly biased, and pretty darn awful to his loved ones.

The show is never dull, slow, or exhausting. 'Sanford And Son', is one of those shows that simply appears to stand the trial of time.

‘Sanford and Son’ has hailed as the forerunner to numerous other African-American sitcoms. The series lasted for about six seasons, becoming a hit for NBC.

After you have read these Fred Sanford quotes, do check out our 'Sanford and Son' quotes and Dennis Reynolds quotes.

Best Fred Sanford Funny Quotes

Classics always have some goodies to offer. So here we have assembled some of the most hilarious yet memorable quotes from the enduring Sitcom ‘Sanford And Son’, and particularly from the notorious yet hysterically funny Fred Sanford. Thereafter do read some equally funny Fred Sanford Aunt Esther quotes.

Popcorn spilling over the phone displaying

1. “Telling Esther there’s no God is like telling Jimmy Carter there’s no more toothpaste.”

- Fred Sanford.

2. “I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.”

- Fred Sanford.

3. “That's the way it used to be, Pop, nowadays they give you one of them needles and you don't even know what hit you.”

- Lamont Sanford.

4. “When a person has three heart attacks, he's dead. You had fifteen.”

- Lamont Sanford.

5. “OK boy, let’s play another game.  There’s one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me.  OK, count your cards.  How many do you got?”

- Fred Sanford.

6. “Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face.”

- Fred Sanford.

7. “If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.”

- Fred Sanford.

8. “If you see the handwriting on the wall, you’re in the toilet.”

- Fred Sanford.

9. “The have nots? Well if the ‘have nots’ could get something from the haves and the haves gave the have nots half of what they have, then the haves would still be the haves but the have nots would be the have somethings.”

- Fred Sanford.

10. “Grady, you're gonna be the first person in history to get busted for...a vegetable.”

- Lamont Sanford.

11. “Earthquakes on the coast, 120-degree temperatures on the desert; they oughta change the name of California to Shake n' Bake, USA!”

- Fred Sanford.

12. “I've never had pains like this before! Oh, this is the worse one I've ever had, son! Oh, it's the worst one! This is the big one! I'm dying! You hear that, Elizabeth! I'm coming to join you, honey!”

- Fred Sanford.

13. “You just dumb, son. You just dumb.”

- Fred Sanford.

Famous Quotes From Classic NBC Sitcom

In the classic series, Fred Sanford used the trademark saying, "You big dummy! ",which he mostly said to his son.

Fred Sanford was essentially less insightful in his dealings with Aunt Esther and used to refer to her as a "Gorilla". However, Aunt Esther was well versed with the saying 'tit for tat' and she likewise used to match Fred's insult with her own witty ones, making the whole trade fun and charming.

Read on for some of the best Fred Sanford quotes from the sitcom.

14. “If I stay, I might have a heart attack just from the suspense of not knowing.”

- Fred Sanford.

15. “Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junkman in St. Louis and so was my uncle.”

- Fred Sanford.

16. “I'm convinced that Sanford and Son show middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.”

- Fred Sanford.

17. “Don't you go in my room by mistake, cause if I pull back them covers and see you I might have a stroke and die.”

- Grady Wilson.

18. “For the first six years of my life, I thought my name was Dummy Sanford!”

- Lamont Sanford.

19. “My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow, and I am the only driver she ever had!”

- Fred Sanford.

20. “What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?”

- Fred Sanford.

21. “I've come a long way from St. Louie, but not far enough. B.B. King is gonna kill me!”

- Fred Sanford.

22. “No I mean did you hear yourself coughing? I heard you a block away, it sounded like they was tearing up the streets.”

- Lamont Sanford.

23. “Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.”

- Lamont Sanford.

24. “I’m still hot, it just comes in flashes now.”

- Aunt Esther.

25. “Fred Sanford: Goodbye, dear

Aunt Esther: Oh, you called me dear.

Fred Sanford: Why shouldn't I call you deer? You look like Bambi's father!”

- ‘Sanford And Son’.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Fred Sanford quotes, then why not take a look at [Frank Underwood quotes], or [Dave Chappelle quotes]

Article image credit:  Burdun Iliya / Shutterstock.com

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Written by Luca Demetriou

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English and Drama, Master of Arts specializing in Performance: Design and Practice

Luca Demetriou picture

Luca DemetriouBachelor of Arts specializing in English and Drama, Master of Arts specializing in Performance: Design and Practice

Experienced in writing and sub-editing, Luca holds a Bachelor's in English Literature and Drama from the University of Birmingham, where he served as the culture editor at Redbrick Paper. He is currently pursuing a Master's in Performance: Design and Practice at the University of the Arts in London, showcasing his passion for the arts, performance, and history. With a keen interest in traveling, Luca enjoys exploring new cultures and experiencing diverse perspectives.

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