60 Funniest Andy Dwyer Quotes From 'Parks And Recreation'

Srija Chanda
Dec 12, 2023 By Srija Chanda
Originally Published on Jan 13, 2021
Edited by Monisha Kochhar
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The character of Andrew Maxwell Dwyer is played by actor Chris Pratt, however, he did not in reality sing the songs for his character.

'Parks and Recreation' was on the verge of cancellation several times until the makers of the show voluntarily decided to end the show at Season 7. The comedy series was filmed in Southern California and aired on NBC.

This list of funny 'Parks and Rec' quotes is focused on funny Andy Dwyer quotes. Some of these best 'Parks and Rec' quotes include 'Parks and Rec' Andy quotes, Andy Dwyer and April Ludgate quotes, and some of Andy Dwyer secrets too.

Catch the best of Andy Dwyer with Andy Dwyer inspirational quotes, 'Parks and Rec' motivational quotes, and just the best Andy Dwyer moments.

Also, check out our 'Parks and Rec' quotes and Leslie Knope quotes.

Funniest Andy Dwyer Quotes

Here are some funny Andy Dwyer quotes.

1. "I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty."

-'Leslie vs. April', Season 5 Episode 7.

2. "They're old people. They eat, they sleep, they complain. Oh my God, I wanna be an old person."

- 'Anniversaries', Season 6, Episode 14.

3. "Butter is my favorite food. "

- 'Article Two', Season 5, Episode 19.

4. "Andy: I can’t believe we’re at Hogwarts!

Ben: No, that’s Buckingham Palace."

-  'London: Part 1', Season 6, Episode 1.

5. "Andy: Ron, look, I found all three differences.

Ron: Those are two completely different pictures."

- 'The Camel', Season 2, Episode 9.

6. "Chris gave me this great job as a weekend security guard at City Hall. Only one problem: It's a terrible job."

- 'Pawnee Commons', Season 05, Episode 08.

7. “The show must go wrong !”

- 'Freddy Spaghetti', Season 02, Episode 24.

8. "Ron: Andrew, are you aware that your bathroom faucet is leaking?

Andy: Are you kidding me? I just stuffed a sock in it yesterday. What else do they want me to do?!"

- 'Meet N Greet', Season 4, Episode 5.

9. "I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis I barf."

- 'Ron and Diane', Season 5, Episode 9.

10. "I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything."

- 'The Comeback Kid', Season 4, Episode 11.

11. "I once threw beer at a swan and then it attacked my niece Rebecca."

- 'New Slogan', Season 6, Episode 16.

12. "Okay, something is different about my computer. It's gone!"

- 'Flu Season', Season 3, Episode 2.

13. "I’m not crying. I’m allergic to jerks!"

- 'Greg Piktis', Season 2, Episode 7.

14. "I feel like you were mad at me yesterday, and I don't know why, so I made a list of everything I did and I'm going to try not to do any of them again."

- 'The Possum', Season 2, Episode 18.

15. "Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems."

- 'Flu Season', Season 3, Episode 2.

16. "I'm gonna say that there is at least a chance that I didn't think this through completely."

- 'Tom's Divorce', Season 2, Episode 11.

17. "That is the coolest sentence I have ever heard anybody talk."

- 'Time Capsule', Season 3, Episode 3.

18. "Windows are the eyes to the house."

- 'Campaign Ad', Season 4, Episode 12.

19. "If you rearrange the letters of Peru, you could spell Europe."

- 'The Treaty', Season 4, Episode 7.

20. "When they say 2% milk I don’t know what the other 98% is."

- 'New Slogan', Season 6, Episode 16.

21. "Is that a goose that just flew by the window? Oh, it’s a plastic bag."

- 'London: Part 1', Season 6, Episode 1.

22. "I didn't actually sell my car, I just forgot where I parked it."

- 'New Slogan', Season 6, Episode 15.

23. "April is the best. But she’s 20. When April was born, I was already in the third grade, which means if we were friends back then, I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. My god, I could have killed her."

- '94 Meetings', Season 2, Episode 20.

24. "April: Hey, I love you.

Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesomesauce!"

- 'Harvest Festival', Season 3, Episode 7.

25. "What about Germany? They've never been the bad guys."

- 'The Treaty', Season 4, Episode 7.

26. "I don't recognize us without me because I'm the only one that matters."

- 'Road Trip', Season 3, Episode 14.

27. "What's 5000 time better than a 'Candle in the Wind'? This song is called '5000 Candles in the Wind'."

- 'Li'l Sebastian', Season 3, Episode 16.

28. "Thought the power was flickering out. Turns out, I have was just blinking."

- 'Bus Tour', Season 4, Episode 21.

29. "You are the greatest wife ever. I wish I could marry you all over again. Let's get divorced."

- 'Andy and April's Fancy Party', Season 3, Episode 9.

30. "Andy: I want Ann back and she says she really needs a guy with a lot of money!

Leslie: That doesn't sound like Ann.

Andy: Well, I can't really do her voice."

- 'Kaboom', Season 2, Episode 6.

Inspiring Andy Dwyer Quotes

These are inspirational and funny Andy Dwyer quotes.

31. "I have no idea what I’m doing but I know I do it really, really well."

- 'The Camel', Season 2, Episode 9.

32. "My whole life is a giant mess and I love it".

- 'Boys' Club', Season 1, Episode 4.

33. “Anything is a toy if you play with it.”

- 'Kaboom', Season 2, Episode 6.

34. "I know what things are."

- 'Road Trip', Season 3, Episode 14.

35. "Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy? Boom! That's spaghetti. Nachos. That's a cookie."

- 'Soulmates', Season 3, Episode 10.

36. "I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now."

- 'The Treaty', Season 4, Episode 7.

37. "Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That's impossible."

- 'Filibuster', Season 6, Episode 6.

38. "Everything hurts. Running is impossible."

- 'Soda Tax', Season 5, Episode 2.

39. "I'm fine. It's just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I'm always tired ."

- 'Correspondent's Lunch', Season 5, Episode  15.

40. "When I was a baby my head was so big scientists did experiments on me."

- 'New Slogan', Season 6, Episode 15.

41. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life."

- 'The Bubble', Season 3, Episode 15.

42. "This is so awesome. We are like Robin Hood. We steal from the club and give to ourselves."

- 'Indianapolis', Season 3, Episode 6.

43. "This is an oral exam. And if there's one thing I know is my fantastic it's talk."

- 'Lucky', Season 4, Episode 18.

44. "I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking."

- 'The Possum', Season 2, Episode 18.

45. "I got so bored, I started thinking about existence. 'Do I matter? Do any of us? Is there a master plan in the works, a grand design?' Just dumb stuff like that."

- 'Pawnee Commons', Season 05, Episode 08.

46. "I did not graduate college because I did not 'attend it'."

- 'Smallest Park', Season 4, Episode 8.

Humorous Andy Dwyer Quotes As FBI Agent Burt Macklin

Amazing Andy Dwyer quotes can really make your day.

47. "Unless he's in trouble, there's only one man for the job. Bert Macklin, FBI. You thought I was dead? So did the president's enemies."

- 'Born and Braised', Season 4, Episode 3.

48. "Hello, strange person who I have never met before. Who are you?"

- 'Freddy Spaghetti', Season 02, Episode 24.

49. "Burt Macklin, FBI. The best damn agent they had until I was framed for a crime I didn't commit. Stealing the President's rubies."

- 'Freddy Spaghetti', Season 02, Episode 24.

50. "I don't know what the problem is, Sergeant. Just drain the ocean."

- 'The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show', Season 7, Episode 10.

51. "This case just got interesting. Well, not JUST. It was pretty interesting to begin with. This case just remained interesting."

- 'Are You Better Off?', Season 5, Episode 22.

52. "They said I was retired. They said I was too dangerous for the Pawnee Police Department. Turns out they were right. And wrong."

- 'Kaboom', Season 2, Episode 6.

53. "Ann: We have to find out who this is.

Andy: I don't think so. Bert Macklin works alone.

Ann: I will buy lunch, you can have as many burgers as you want.

Andy: Welcome to the FBI."

- 'Emergency Response', Season 5, Episode 13.

54. "40 years undercover. I never even met my family. And this is all I have to show for it? Totally worth it."

- 'Pawnee Commons', Season 05, Episode 08.

55. "Looks like this Siberian Husky is going to be Russian off to jail."

- 'End Of The World', Season 4, Episode 6.

56. "The name is Special Agent Burt Macklin. Tell me who you are, who you work for, and don't bother trying to lie to me because I'm amazing."

- Burt Macklin.

57. "Andy: Oh, Ron. Burt Macklin, FBI, does not need anyone to help him escape a measly shed.

Ron Swanson: How long have you been in there?

Andy: Two days. I'm pretty hungry."

- 'A Parks and Recreational Special', Episode 126.

58. "This is so fun. I cannot believe this only cost me 150 bucks."

- 'Farmers Market', Season 6, Episode 12.

59. "My name is Burt Macklin. I investigate stinky feet for the FBI ."

- 'Farmers Market', Season 6, Episode 12.

60. "Would you like some boiling hot coffee in your face?"

- 'Greg Piktis', Season 2, Episode 7.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Andy Dwyer Quotes then why not take a look at Ron Swanson quotes, or [April Ludgate quotes].

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Written by Srija Chanda

Master of Arts specializing in Mass Communication/Media Studies

Srija Chanda picture

Srija ChandaMaster of Arts specializing in Mass Communication/Media Studies

An aspiring media professional, Srija is currently pursuing her Master's degree in Mass Communication at St. Xavier's University, Kolkata, after completing her degree in journalism. With experience in PR and social media, she has also honed her leadership skills through her participation in a youth parliament. Srija's interests include devouring books, watching movies, and exploring new places through travel.

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