100+ Moira Quotes From The Hilarious Sitcom 'Schitt's Creek

Joan Agie
Dec 12, 2023 By Joan Agie
Originally Published on Mar 13, 2021
Edited by Jacob Fitzbright
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Why Moira Quotes?

Moira Rose is the mother of the Rose family. The Rose family are the central characters of the sitcom 'Schitt's Creek.

The family consists of the father, Johnny, the mother, Moira, and their two children, David and Alexis. 'Schitt's Creek is a comedy sitcom.

It starts when the wealthy Rose family loses their fortune and has to move to the town they bought as a joke - Schitt's Creek, as that is the only thing they have left. Moira, who used to be an actress, is now in shambles.

They move to a motel in the town as their unfortunate lives unfold in front of them.

Moira is often melodramatic and seems to love her wigs more than her children, but we still love her. These Moira quotes from 'Schitt's Creek are just what you need for a good laugh.

What Parents Should Know

Moira is a spoiled and dramatic eccentric character.

She has excellent sarcasm.

Though disappointed with the loss of her family's fortune, her character interestingly evolves.

Moira has a unique accent.

What To Talk About With Kids

Living in a town leads Moria to come closer to her family.

Though dramatic, she has tender care toward her children

She wears different designer and colorful wigs.

Best Moira Rose Quotes

Woman watching television

1. Moira's excuse for not responding to Alex's emergency texts: "I had just had my eyelashes dyed. Everything was cloudy!"

2. She once decided to overwhelm her first child: "Sorry, David, I had nowhere else to turn. It's probably Nothing, but I think I've killed a man."

3. For that time, she served as a nurse: "David: Alexis seems to think you like me more." Moira: "Alexis, don't be ridiculous! This is exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me wary of spending time with you."

4. When she discovered that news about her death was all over the internet: "What is the source of this falsehood? And what photo are they using?"

5. When she didn't want to commit herself or be let down: "I would be pleased to RSVP as pending. Just uh, as soon as I double check, and circle back."

6. When she tried to explain how solutions can come from the most unlikely sources: "Johnny: How did you open the door? Moira: I threw a shoe."

7. When describing her schedule in public life: "You should see my schedule. I'm positively bedevilled with meetings, et cetera."

8. When Moira Rose showed a rare moment of optimism: "The world is falling apart around us John, and I'm dying inside."

9. When she tried to give her husband a counsel after thinking he was with a one-night stand: "Oh, be careful, John, lest you suffer vertigo from the dizzying heights of your moral ground."

10. Moira, in an emotionally spent state: "I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life."

11. Her rejection and description of gossip: "Gossip is the devil's telephone. Best to just hang up."

12. When her group thought she was dead: "Fear not, she hath risen!"

13. When she attempted to cook the traditional "ahn-chiladas" for her family: "Oh good, now I see bubbles. David! What does burning smell like?"

14. Talking about the need to stop daydreaming and get to work: "Let's go. I've had enough waking hours for one day."

15. Talking to a less fortunate person: "Don't take this the wrong way, but is this car your home?"

16. When she tried reiterating the need for couples to constantly communicate clearly with each other: "John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!"

17. When she opened an envelope containing a sonogram: "Who put a picture of a ghost on my desk?"

18. When she asked David to be a little more courteous: "David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican."

19. When she tried being the realistic cheerleader: "It sounds to me like you two dodged a bacon-wrapped bullet. I'll say it again: Life is but a strand of happy accidents."

20. Upon meeting her husband again: "Your wayfaring thespian has returned!"

21. Moira's definition of social media: "Social media as an amusement park for clinical narcissists, so, I'm doing you a favor."

22. When Moira had to talk about regrets and disappointments: "I am suddenly overwhelmed with regret. It's a new feeling for me, and I don't find it at all pleasurable."

23. As a truth-telling mother to her daughter: "Why must you be so constantly irksome?"

24. Moira trying to minimize her mistakes: "I may have been wrong. You may have been not wrong. We can position this as a terrifying tale premiering in an equally spine-chilling town."

25. Extolling how well she did her job and why everyone should be proud of what they do: "I manned that front desk with the vigor of a wartime radio operator."

26. When she lends her advice to the community women’s singing group: “You do realize I’m a professional vocalist?”

27. When she was too busy to be at the motel: “I’m positively bedeviled with meetings et cetera.”

28. When she had no problem about working: “I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People’s Choice Awards.”

29. When her political participation was a success: “I can hardly hear you, John! The cheering and accolades are drowning out your gentle voice.”

30. When she got reunited with her husband: “Your wayfaring thespian has returned.”

31. When she spoke about her character: “The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during Shakespeare at Sea Week.”

32. When she got to know that the internet thought she was dead: “What is the source of this falsehood? And what photo are they using?”

33. When she was concerned by David’s disappearance: “I was worried sick, dear! ‘Where’s David? Or his bags?'”

34. When she and Johnny tried to check in with the kids: “We have no interest in what’s going on with you.”

35. When she became the comforter: “Alexis, don’t be ridiculous. That’s exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me weary of spending time with you.”

36. When she helped David to realize the consequences of his actions: “What you did was impulsive, capricious, and melodramatic… but it was also wrong.”

37. When she was telling her daughter a bedtime story: “There once was a radiant young actress who dreamed of having two sons.”

Moira Rose Motivational Quotes

38. In describing the brevity and unpredictable nature of life: "You could be hit by a mack truck or bopped on the head by a tiny piece of space debris."

39. When she tried encouraging a dejected and forlorn-looking Johnny: "Good men always win."

40. Upholding the value of team work and the part everyone plays: "When one of us shines, all of us shine. That is the meaning of ensemble."

41. On the need to be decisive and take the bull by the horn: "Pick up a hammer and nail this coffin shut!"

42. Emphasizing the need to seize every chance and make the most of it: "Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster."

43. In a rare moment of uncanny motivational wisdom: "You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. The opportunities will diminish, and the ass will get bigger. Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! Especially yours. You're going to have a huge ass."

44. When she made a folklore description about how fickle and mutable life can be: "How mercurial is life. We all imagine being carried from the ashes by the Goddess Artemis, and here I get a balatron from Barnum and Bailey."

45. When she tried exhorting Twyla to make the most of the present moment: "One must champion oneself and say, 'I am ready for this!'"

46. Speaking on the need to accept good advice regardless of the source: "Do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at the amfAR dinner? 'You are the life you accept for yourself.' Those are Goldie's words. Or something someone said to her. In India. Or perhaps she read it… In any case it has always stayed with me."

47. Educating her husband on how to make the most out of difficult situations: "When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun."

48. When she motivated Blair about never underestimating opportunities and believing in self worth: "Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit."

49. When she tried motivating Jocelyn while helping her with her drama classes for teenagers: "Never let the bastards get you down!"

50. When she spoke to Twyla: “One must champion oneself and say, ‘I am ready for this!'”

51. When she offered disappointed Johnny words of encouragement: “Good men always win.”

52. When she helped Jocelyn in teaching drama to teenagers: “Never let the bastards get you down!”

53. When she explained Jazzagals of the true meaning of ‘ensemble’: “When one of us shines, all of us shine.”

54. When she motivated herself at the town council: “All in favor say, aye.”

55. When she did not let her hope die: “The world is falling apart around us and I’m dying inside.”

Funny Moira Rose Quotes

56. When she envied someone else's misfortune: "Oh, I'd kill for a good coma right now."

57. Speaking about fashion and how you could commit a fashion crime: "I must say, I didn't like the matchy matchy skirt and blazer! No, she looked like an ageing stewardess from a Latvian airline."

58. Moira talking about empathy: "Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?"

59. When she tried advising her son to be considerate of others: "David, I've asked you not to indulge in that smokey cologne. It's enough to give someone a seizure!"

60. On the need to always have an escape plan: "Moira: John, it's an heirloom, my great grandmother took it from her husband when she left him, and it has been passed down through all the women in my family, as emergency currency, in case we need to leave our husbands in the middle of the night.

Johnny: Oh, well, that's reassuring. Moira: You don't have to worry darling, I'll never need it. But you know Alexis will!"

61. She cautioned Alexis not to be a wimp like David and said: That's the heartbreaking part. You were so blissfully unaware."

62. When she made an effort to convince David that his actions had repercussions: "What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic. But it was also wrong."

63. When she and Johnny made the decision to visit the children: Sadly, and most of the time, we have no interest in what's going on with you."

64. In a bid to urge David to resume his employment as soon as possible: "David. You are bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui."

65. That one time she wasn't cut out for a festive moment: "I've already taken my Christmas pills, and bitter experience has taught me I have just eight minutes to make it safely up the stairs."

66. Talking about her parenting know-how: "If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her on own mask on first."

67. The one time she tried to tell her daughter a bedtime story: "Moira: There once was a radiant young actress, who dreamed of having two sons. The second of which would be named Alex.

68. What she said about tests: "Is 'tests' code for open heart surgery? I once played a nurse on 'M.A.S.H'."

69. When she assumed she and Roland just slept with each other: "Ohh no! No God No! Oh God No! No Dear God!"

70. When she may have really considered how much of a bad parent they may have been: "Have we failed them, John? I'm worried about our children. Are we terrible parents?"

71. What she said about volunteering: "We're all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors."

72. Describing the disadvantage of not having any staff: "I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless, like you, and your sister."

73. When she tried to comment on the home decor fo their new house: "This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage. I was half expecting early Unabomber."

74. When she spoke about aging and the beauty of youth: "Believe me: one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, 'Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!'"

75. When she found a positive despite the anxious situation: "I can't feel my tongue. But I know it's there because I'm talking."

76. When there was a family emergency: "Moira: Okay, I've been calling David, and he's not picking up! Johnny: And what about Alexis? Moira: There's an idea. Anybody have her number?"

77. When she forgot what Alexis' middle name was: "Alexis something Rose. We have so many disasters bombarding us right now, my dear, the middle name of an ungrateful child is hardly a priority."

78. When she showed anxious concern about David's disappearance: "I was worried sick, dear! 'Where's David? Or his bags?'"

79. When she and her husband weren't quite on the same wavelength: "Johnny: Moira, have you seen the kids? Moira: Whose kids?"

80. When she had to take care of her sick daughter: "Moira: You're the ill one, but I'm feeling this.. Alexis: Maternal instinct, maybe? Moira: No, that’s not it."

81. When Alexis tried to call her out: "Alexis: So you stole my idea, took it to Council, and claimed it as your own? Moira: Alexis, now is not the time for pettifogging."

82. When she tried to excuse her mistake: "Moira: Oh, I would never just abandon you two in a motel in the middle of nowhere. David: Didn't you once take the wrong baby home from preschool? Moira: Alexis looked Chinese as an infant. How many times must I defend myself?"

83. When she retorted about living with less: "Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently, in hell, there's no bellman!"

84. Talking about love and her husband, Johnny: "I want you to know, John, that you are the most important thing in this world to me. You know that, don't you?"

85. When ahe tried educating Jocelyn on morals: "There are certain things that are just not done: Smoking in a car with a baby—unless you crack a window; tipping before tax; mixing drinks with cola; and giving away a coat that doesn't belong to you."

86. When she supported and cheered herself on the town council: "All in favor say, aye."

87. The one time she and Johnny tried to act the nanny: "Moira: You realize the bébé is crying Johnny: I do, yes. Moira: Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now?"

88. When she couldn’t recall Alexis’ middle name: “Alexis… something Rose.”

89. When she questions some choices: “Are we terrible parents?”

90. When she asked David to become a little more polite: “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.”

91. When her legacy was going to be attached to the community garden: “As much as I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies, I must decline.”

92. When there was only one thing that mattered: “If that’s not a cause for alcohol, I don’t know what is!”

93. When she was babysitting Johnny: “You do realize the bébé is crying?”

94. When she had a little self-reflection: “Did I used to have a drinking problem?”

Moira Rose Quotes about Wine

95. Moira's introductory description of herself: "Hello, I'm Moira Rose. And if you like fruit wine as much as I do, discover a winery that pours care and craftsmanship into every glace. Oh, I'm sorry. I wanted to say glass, but I was thinking case. "

96. Imitating how hardcore drinkers do not care about taste: "This wine is awful. Get me another glass."

97. In reference to a bottle of wine: "Well, hello, who is she and how do we get a mouth full of her?"

98. During one of her commercials while drunk: "You'll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner who brings the musk melon goodness to his oak Chardonnay."

99. In reference to Herb Ertlinger's winery: "In the lee of a picturesque ridge, lies a small unpretentious winery. One that pampers its fruit like its own babies."

Moira Rose Quotes About Theatre and Acting

100. When she identified with a specific character: "The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during 'Shakespeare at Sea Week'."

101. Once her entry into politics and public life was successful: "I can hardly hear you, John! The cheering and accolades are drowning out your gentle voice."

102. Speaking on her ability to connect with and gain the approval of individuals with insecurities and low self-esteem: "I once hosted the non-televised portion of the 'People Choice Awards."

103. When she was quizzed about the favorite part of her acting career: "Alexis: "What's your favorite season?" Moira: "Awards."

104. When she praised herself and her 'illustrious' career: "I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television."

105. Ever the strong-willed and unhesitating Moira: "I won't wait for anyone's decision."

106. When she spoke about her versatility during her acting days: "Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform our ventriloquist act for the Everybody Nose benefit for juvenile rhinoplasty, when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. I had to be both puppet and puppeteer."

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Written by Joan Agie

Bachelor of Science specializing in Human Anatomy

Joan Agie picture

Joan AgieBachelor of Science specializing in Human Anatomy

With 3+ years of research and content writing experience across several niches, especially on education, technology, and business topics. Joan holds a Bachelor’s degree in Human Anatomy from the Federal University of Technology, Akure, Nigeria, and has worked as a researcher and writer for organizations across Nigeria, the US, the UK, and Germany. Joan enjoys meditation, watching movies, and learning new languages in her free time.

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