50+ Statler And Waldorf Quotes From The Muppets' Old Hecklers

Monisha Kochhar
Dec 12, 2023 By Monisha Kochhar
Originally Published on Mar 10, 2021
Woman relaxing at home and watching TV

Statler and Waldorf are two elderly muppets who watch the show while it is going on and, in the end, lambast the rest of the cast, along with each episode's guest, in a humorous way.

Statler and Waldorf first appeared in 1975 and since then have been ruthlessly heckling the entire show and its cast. They always occupy the balcony seats in the theater and start ridiculing anything and everything in the play.

The elderly muppets, Statler and Waldorf, were designed by Bonnie Erickson and were named after two iconic New York hotels, Statler Hilton and Waldorf Astoria. Through the years, they have appeared in many seasons and gave special appearances.

Below are some hilarious Statler and Waldorf quotes from 'The Muppet Show.' If you are interested in similar quotes for a good read, please visit Kermit The Frog Quotes and Oscar The Grouch Quotes.

Famous Waldorf And Statler Quotes

Statler and Waldorf are world-famous hecklers from 'The Muppet Show,' best known for mocking the show and its cast. Below are some rib-tickling Statler and Waldorf's best quotes.

1."Statler: Well, that was different.

Waldorf: Yep. Lousy...

Both: ...but different!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

2."Waldorf: I wish Gene Kelly would teach me to Charleston.

Statler: I wish Gene Kelly would drive you to Charleston!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

3."Statler: Do you believe in life after death?

Waldorf: Every time I leave this theater."

-'The Muppet Show'.

4."Statler: The internet is a completely different culture isn't it.

Waldorf: You said it. Everything here is immediately followed by sarcastic comments and nasty responses."

Statler: Yup, we're finally where we belong.

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

5."Statler: You know, there's nothing like grand opera.

Waldorf: Yep and that was nothing like it."

-'The Muppet Show'.

6."Statler: Well, it was good.

Waldorf: Ah, it was very bad.

Statler: Well, it was average.

Waldorf: Ah, it was in the middle there.

Statler: Ah, it wasn't that great.

Waldorf: I kind of liked it."

-'The Muppet Show'.

7."Waldorf: The bear and the Snowman are great team.

Statler: Yeah! The snowman's ice cold and the bear's not so hot!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

8."Waldorf: Hey, hey, hey! It's that silly bear!

Statler: Time for the audience to go elsewhere!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

9."Statler: He's trying to drown us! What kind of an act is that?!

Waldorf: An act of mercy!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

10."Waldorf: You know, the second half of this show reminds me of Aspen.

Statler: Why Aspen?

Waldorf: Cause it's all downhill from here!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

Best Muppets Statler And Waldorf Quotes

'The Muppet Show' Statler and Waldorf are the show's most exciting and enjoyable muppets who have achieved iconic status over the years. Here are some Statler Waldorf quotes that will tickle your funny bones.

Popcorn spilling over the phone displaying

11."Statler: Every week this show looks better to me.

Waldorf: Every week your eyesight gets worse."

-'The Muppet Show'.

12."Waldorf: How do they do it?

Statler: How do we watch it?

Waldorf: Why do we watch it?

Statler: Why do you watch it?"

-'The Muppet Show'.

13."Waldorf: I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens, but I'm too close to something else.

Statler: What's that?

Waldorf: Ninety."

-'The Muppet Show'.

14."Statler: Hey, Waldorf, I was wondering if maybe you.

Waldorf: Darn, I'd better get some new batteries for my hearing aid.

Statler: Hahaha! I fool him every time!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

15."Statler: What's wrong with you?

Waldorf: It's either this show or indigestion. I hope it's indigestion.

Statler: Why?

Waldorf: It'll get better in a little while."

-'The Muppet Show'.

16."Fozzie: Now, tonight, I'm gonna try and put something new in my act.

Statler: Yeah, like comedy, maybe."

-'The Muppet Show'.

17."Waldorf: Hey, this is a great way for Fozzie to do his material!

Statler: Yeah, a moving target is harder to hit!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

18."Kermit: Fozzie gets over 200 letters a week!

Statler: Yeah, but if he paid his bills, he wouldn't get any."

-'The Muppet Show'.

19."Fozzie: You can't stop the old Fozzie tonight! I'm really cooking! I'm one rare bear!

Waldorf: Yeah. You're a square bear that ought to be served medium-rare."

-'The Muppet Show'.

20."Statler: How poignant, I remember being a teenager in love.

Waldorf: Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

21."Statler: Wake up, you old fool. You slept through the show.

Waldorf: Who's a fool? You watched it."

-'The Muppet Show'.

22."Waldorf: I didn't know pigs could do that!

Statler: Be that talented?

Waldorf: No, be that bad!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

23."Statler: There's a lot to be said about this program.

Waldorf: Too bad you can't say it on a family show!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

24."Statler: They aren't half bad.

Waldorf: Nope, they're ALL bad!"

Waldorf: Bravo!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

25."Statler: The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?

Waldorf: The question is, who cares?"

-'The Muppet Show'.

26."Statler: Gonzo should quit while he's ahead

Waldorf: Gonzo should quit while he's alive!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

27."Statler: There've been wars started over less than that.

Waldorf: You're wrong. Nothing's less than that."

-'The Muppet Show'.

28."Waldorf: What's all the commotion about?

Statler: Waldorf, the bunny ran away!

Waldorf: Well, you know what that makes him –

Both: Smarter than us!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

29."Statler: Well, what do you think?

Waldorf: Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?

Statler: We can't, you old fool. We're bolted to the seats!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

30."Fozzie: How did you get here?

Waldorf: We entered a contest.

Statler: Yeah!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

31."Statler: Now why did you do that to poor Fozzie?

Waldorf: Do what? I really was on the Titanic.

Statler: I know. You still have the dress you wore so they'd let you in the lifeboat. Heh heh heh."

-'The Muppet Show'.

32."Statler: I like that last number.

Waldorf: What did you like about it?

Statler: It was the *last* number!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

33."Statler: Ever heard of pig on bikes?

Waldorf: I've never heard of road hogs."

-'The Muppet Show'.

34."Waldorf: [after the song 'Happy Feet'] You know, on the show that wasn't funny.

Statler: True, true.

Waldorf: But on a record, it doesn't even make sense!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

35."Waldorf: Well, this show certainly doesn't lay any eggs.

Chickens: Bwak bawk bawk!

Statler: Wanna bet?"

-'The Muppet Show'.

36."Waldorf: Yeah, the show is good for what ails me.

Statler: Yeah? What does ail you?

Waldorf: Insomnia."

-'The Muppet Show'.

37."Waldorf: Pay up! They made it through another one.

Statler: Double or nothing next week's show?

Waldorf: You're on!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

38."Statler: You know I never liked this show's theme music.

Waldorf: Neither did I.

Kermit: You promised."

-'The Muppet Show'.

39."Statler: Can you sing tenor?

Waldorf: What?

Statler: Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away from here?"

-'The Muppet Show'.

Statler-Waldorf Funny Quotes

Statler and Waldorf are the funniest Muppet characters and also the most popular ones. Check out some of the best Statler and Waldorf quotes that will surely make you laugh out loud.

40."Statler: Waldorf!! Wake up! Here come the bikinis!

Waldorf: Oh boy! Let's synchronize our pacemakers!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

41."Statler: I wonder if there really is life on another planet.

Waldorf: Why do you care? You don't have a life on this one?"

-'The Muppet Show'.

42."Waldorf: You know what kind of party Paul's having?

Statler: No, what kind?

Waldorf: A hen party."

-'The Muppet Show'.

43."Waldorf: Maybe we are the wrong generation for this kind of comedy?

Statler: No, the wrong species."

-'The Muppet Show'.

44."Statler: Well, how do you like the film?

Waldorf: I've seen detergents leave a better film than this."

-'The Muppet Show'.

45."Waldorf: You are my sunshine! My only sunshine.

Statler: Why you old fool!

Waldorf: What?

Statler: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine."

-'The Muppet Show'.

46."Waldorf: Tell me, Statler. Do you have any naval experience?

Statler: Well, I once saved a rat from drowning.

Waldorf: Really, how?

Statler: I gave him mouth to mouse resuscitation!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

48."Statler: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't watched it.

Waldorf: Believe what?

Statler: I don't know - I wasn't watching."

-'The Muppet Show'.

49."Waldorf: [commenting on the scenery for Piggy's number] Isn't it lovely?

Statler: Yeah. Too bad they're gonna spoil it with a pig.

Statler: [on Bean's reuniting with the other Muppets] This is a very moving moment.

Waldorf: Yeah; I wish they'd move it to Pittsburgh!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

50."Waldorf: Bravo, bravo!

Statler: Why are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much?

Waldorf: Nope; friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he's sitting in the front row. Bravo!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

51."Statler: That Johnny Depp is everywhere! What's he got that I haven't, besides youth, good looks, virility, fame, wealth.

Waldorf: Functioning kidney, gallbladder, hip.

Statler: Alright! Alright! Alright!"

-'The Muppet Show'.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Statler And Waldorf Quotes, then take a look at Best Cartoon Quotes and Cookie Monster Quotes.

‍Article image credit:Burdun Iliya / Shutterstock.com

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Written by Monisha Kochhar

Bachelor of Arts Hons specializing in Modern Languages (French and Spanish)

Monisha Kochhar picture

Monisha KochharBachelor of Arts Hons specializing in Modern Languages (French and Spanish)

A Modern Languages graduate from the University College London, Monisha with a passion for travel and exploring different cultures. She is fluent in French and Spanish and is currently learning Hindi. Monisha enjoys discovering new foods and is an avid sports fan, following soccer and Formula 1. In her spare time, she enjoys playing tennis and watching TV shows.

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