The 50 Funniest New Year Jokes For Kids

Sarah Blake
Jan 30, 2024 By Sarah Blake
Originally Published on Sep 24, 2020
Edited by Isobel Murphy
Fact-checked by Isobel Murphy
Woman hand writing New year's resolution on note paper in new year day
Age: 0-99
Read time: 4.9 Min

Ah, December. The most pun-derful time of the year and the season of good jokes for everyone.

If you make one resolution this festive season, make it one that will keep everybody smiling; to tell more jokes! New Year puns and quips guarantee great midnight cheers, and why have just one new year joke when you could have 50 funnies to really make the party pop.

Classic Funny New Year Jokes

It's not all about the 'new'; sometimes the oldies really are the goodies, as these classic New Year's jokes just go to show.

1. What do farmers gives their wives at midnight on New Year's Eve? Hogs and kisses.

2. Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve? It's too far to walk.

3. What do snowmen like to do on New Year's Eve? Chill out.

4. Why should you put the calendar in the freezer on 31 December? To start off the new year in a cool way.

5. Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year's Eve? He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

6. Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown? Calendar companies.

7. Where can you find comedians at a New Year's Eve party? In the punch line.

8. Why do you need a jeweller on New Year's Eve? To ring in the new year.

New Year One Liners

Just like New Year's parties, not all New Year's jokes need to have a punchline.

9. Unfortunately, I have two left feet, so it's impossible for me to start the new year off on the right foot.

10. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

11. I always make breakfast at midnight on 31 December; I like a good New Year's toast.

12. My favorite thing to say on New Year's Day is that I can remember last year like it was yesterday.

13. I thought I was lost on my way to the New Year's Eve party, but then I found the the Auld Lang sign.

14. I can't wait until 1 January 2021; then I can say that hindsight really is 2020.

15. A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

16. Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year's Eve; there was a count down.

17. Not sure if you've heard about the New Year's Eve kidnapping? Don't worry, the kid woke up.

Funny Knock, Knock New Year's Jokes

There's always room for an extra guest on New Year's Eve.

18. Knock, knock! Who's there? Abbie. Abbie who? Abbie, new year.

19. Knock, knock! Who's there? Howie. Howie who? Howie going to stay up until midnight; you look tired already.

20. Knock, knock! Who's there? Razor. Razor who? Razor glass to toast the new year.

A happy little girl holds a doughnut-shaped balloon

Silly New Year's Resolution Jokes

New Year's resolution to be more funny? Get started with these silly New Year's jokes.

21. What's the easiest way to keep your New Year's resolution to read more? Put subtitles on the TV.

22. What's the easiest New Year's resolution to keep? To be yourself. 

23. What was the caterpillar's New Year's resolution? To turn over a new leaf.

Cheesy Cheers Happy New Year Jokes

Make your New Year cheers memorable this year with these funny New Year toast jokes.

24. What do cheerleaders say on New Year's Eve? Happy new cheer.

25. What do monsters say on New Year's Eve? Happy new fear.

26. What do ghosts say on New Year's Eve? Happy boo year.

27. What do cows say on New Year's Eve? Happy moo year.

28. What do dogs say on New Year's Eve? Woof.

New Year's Day Jokes

Get the year off to a laughing start with these New Year's Day themed jokes.

29. What does a field grow on 1 January? New year's hay.

30. What is corn's favorite time of year? New Ears Day.

31. What did the girl say to her mum on New Year's Day? I haven't seen you since last year.

32. In what year does New Year's Day come before Christmas? Every year.

More New Year's Jokes

Because there's no such thing as too many New Year's jokes.

33. What happened to the fireworks which were arrested on New Year's Eve? They were let off.

34. Why are there so many vampires out on New Year's Eve? For old fangs time.

35. What should you never eat on New Year's Eve? Firecrackers.

36. What happened to the man who stole a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months.

37. What did Stephen like to be called on 31 December? New Year's Steve.

38. Where is New Year's Eve most mathematical? Times Square.

39. Why does the man who runs Times Square on New Year feel like a failure? He always drops the ball.

40. Why does nobody listen to each other on New Year's Eve? Because the words are something that goes in one year and out the other.

Best NewYear Jokes

41. What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31? "Happy New Fear!"

42. What's the easiest way to keep your New Year's resolution to read more? Watch TV with subtitles.

43. What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make? To travel more.

44. What was Che Guevara's New Year's resolution? A New Year's revolution.

45. What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1? Turns over a new leaf.

46. What was the Amityville priest's New Year's resolution? To exorcise more.

47. Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

48. What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.

49. I'm not buying a 2022 calendar until I see the trailer.

50. What New Year's resolution guarantees success? Making a resolution to break your resolution.

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Written by Sarah Blake

Bachelor of Arts specializing in Media and Business (Journalism)

Sarah Blake picture

Sarah BlakeBachelor of Arts specializing in Media and Business (Journalism)

With over two decades of experience as a writer, Sarah calls Lancashire her home. She has a Bachelor's degree in Media and Business from the University of Manchester. She is passionate about fitness and wellness, and her love for gym workouts and yoga is unmatched. When not donning her Lycra, she loves spending time with her family and indulging in fun activities, except for anything that involves getting cold.

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