30+ Best Turtle Jokes For Kids That Are Shell-arious

Joan Agie
Dec 12, 2023 By Joan Agie
Originally Published on Aug 05, 2020
Turtle swimming in the sea.
Age: 0-99
Read time: 5.0 Min

Turtles aren't just cute, they're downright spectacular! Who else has caught themselves marveling at these reptiles as they amble through their long lives with an enviable memory span? Turtles are magnificent for many reasons, and they've also found fame in movies and TV shows, including the popular 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'.

If turtles tickle your fancy, or you're one of the all-time fans who can't resist a good 'TMNT' episode, get ready to chuckle with this delightful collection of turtle jokes. Here, you'll find everything from Q&A gigglers to the punniest turtle-themed jests from the web.

So, brace up and get ready to shell out laughs with this hilarious trove of turtle jokes.

Question And Answer Turtle Jokes

Boy in a sun hat kneeling down to look closely at a turtle.

Prepare to be the star of your next family gathering or school event with these amusing, turtle-themed brain teasers that will tickle everyone's funny bone. From the clever play on words to puns that will have you doubled over in laughter, this collection of question-and-answer turtle jokes promises an unforgettable laugh-out-loud experience.

1. Why can’t a turtle eat food from McDonald’s? Because it is too slow for fast food.

2. What do turtles use to communicate? A shell-phone.

3. What type of photos does a turtle love to take? Shellfies.

4. What do you call a famous turtle? A shell-ebrity.

5. What do you call a truck full of sea turtles crashing into a train full of terrapins? A turtle disaster.

6. Where do turtles go to get gas? The shell station.

7. What do you call a turtle that loves photography? A snapping turtle.

8. What is a turtle's favorite kind of sweater? A turtle neck sweater.

9. Why is turtle wax so expensive? Because their ears are so small

10. What did the pet turtle say after spending a day with the flying turtle? "Thanks, let's never do this again!"

11. What do you call a turtle chef? A slow cooker.

12. What would you call a turtle that is a detective? Shellock Holmes.

13. What do you get if you cross a turtle and a porcupine? A slow poke.

14. What kind of dance do turtles do best? Slow dances.

15. What did the turtle say to the taco? "Is that my shell or yours?"

16. What happens when you want to buy a turtle? You have to shell out a lot of money.

17. Where do turtles that commit crimes get sent to? The prison shell-block.

18. What kind of turtles will mislead you if you ask them for directions? False map turtles.

19. What kind of turtle talks too much? A tattle.

20. What is a turtle's favorite kind of pasta? Turtle-lini.

Turtle One Liner Jokes And Hilarious Turtle Puns

Who can resist the snappy humor of a turtle one-liner? Simple to remember, these quick-witted turtle-themed quips will have your friends and family rolling with laughter in no time.

And if you're a fan of puns that will make you groan with delight, you're in for a treat. Get ready to dive shell-first into this treasure trove of side-splitting turtle puns and one-liners.

21. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday. It tortoise nothing.

22. I went to the bookshop to ask if they had any books about turtles. The librarian said "Hardback?", I replied, "Yes, and little heads!"

23. I think I was a turtle in my past life. It's slowly coming back to me.

24. Two turtles were getting married. The groom turtle said to the bride, "Aren't we a turtle-y perfect match?"

25. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle? It was a New York Times Best Sheller.

Funny Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Jokes

Three kids sat by a wall laughing at sheep jokes.

Image © WavebreakMediaMicro under a creative commons licence.

Do you find yourself chuckling along with the antics of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Well, brace yourself for even more hilarious fun!

This selection of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-themed jokes is perfect for fans who love a hearty laugh as much as they enjoy watching their favorite green turtle heroes. So, if the playful exploits of these awesome, masked turtles tickle your fancy, brace for a whirlwind of laughter as you explore this collection of TMNT jokes.

26. Why do the Ninja Turtles hate office work? Because they can’t stand The Shredder.

27. Why couldn’t the Ninja Turtle cross the road? Because he didn’t have enough turtle power.

28. What do you call a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle with an addiction to pastries? Donutello.

29. I spent the whole day trying to carve a Ninja Turtle toy out of wood. Instead, I just ended up with a load of Splinters.

30. Which of the Ninja Turtles could not buy anything from the weapons store? Raphael, the store didn't have his sais.

Knock Knock Turtle Jokes

Who's there? Why, it's an avalanche of knock-knock turtle jokes that are guaranteed to turn any frown upside down!

This is an exciting mix of classic knock-knock humor, featuring the slow and steady stars - the turtles. These jokes are perfect for a family game night, a school event, or even for just a good old chuckle session at home. So, get set for a humor fest with these classic knock-knock turtle jokes.

31. Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?


Candice who?

Candice turtle walk any faster?

32. Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?


Ernie who?

Ernie body home in that turtle shell?

33. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?


You who?

You see a turtle go by?

That's a wrap on this comedic dive into the shell-arious world of turtle jokes! It's clear to see that turtles aren't just fascinating creatures, they're also a ton of fun.

From witty one-liners to giggle-inducing knock-knock jokes, these turtle-themed jests have something for everyone. Remember that while these jokes are easy to remember, timing is everything when telling them. So, practice your delivery to make sure you get the biggest laughs from your audience!

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https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2896854/#:~:text=Edit-The sai is a defensive truncheon originating in Okinawa.striking mostly with the knuckle

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Written by Joan Agie

Bachelor of Science specializing in Human Anatomy

Joan Agie picture

Joan AgieBachelor of Science specializing in Human Anatomy

With 3+ years of research and content writing experience across several niches, especially on education, technology, and business topics. Joan holds a Bachelor’s degree in Human Anatomy from the Federal University of Technology, Akure, Nigeria, and has worked as a researcher and writer for organizations across Nigeria, the US, the UK, and Germany. Joan enjoys meditation, watching movies, and learning new languages in her free time.

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