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25 Captain Holt Quotes For The Most Serious Brooklyn Nine-Nine Fans

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Kevin Costner is the husband of Captain Holt in the series

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Captain Raymond Jacob Holt is one of the main characters of 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'.

"I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal," this quote from Captain Holt aptly prepares the viewers for what lies ahead in the series. If there’s something that viewers of B99 know for sure about Captain Holt, is that he prefers plain and simple pleasures in life and that he’s gay.

He is strict, hardworking, warm and an empathetic man who cares deeply about the people around him, be it family or even officers and employees under his command. Down below we have the best Captain Holt quotes for the most serious 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' fans. Check them out.

Make sure to check out our quotes on 'Brooklyn' 99 quotes and Jake Peralta quotes once you’re done with these Captain Holt quotes.
 

Famous And Funny Captain Holt Quotes

Captain Holt is a popular character from the series 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'. Over the years, the character has evolved from good to great, to even better. Read on for some of the best 'Brooklyn 99' Captain Holt quotes for you to have great fun for many years to come.

Captain Holt is a popular fictional character.

1. “Oh, I've caused a problem. I think I am getting a text message. Bloop. Ah, there it is.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

2. “Captain wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding hades?”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

3. “Vindication!”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

4. “I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

5. “Hot damn!”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

6. “Wait a minute. This isn't the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you're not cheddar.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

7. “I only have one dream a year, always on tax day. In it, I must file an extension. So, yes, it is best not to have dreams.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

8. “Apparently my husband Kevin has invited you all to my party. There's very little street parking. No gifts. No singing of happy birthday. It should be fun.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

9. “More importantly, wuntch got served. Oh my god, wuntch sounds like lunch. Oh, this opens up so many new avenues.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

10. “Because no one will ever believe you”.

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

11. “Are you saying my life matters less because I don't conform to society's heteronormative, child-centric ideals? Yas queen.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

12. “No. from now on, call me ... velvet thunder!”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

Funny Captain Holt Quotes From 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'

The series has risen in popularity over the years and so has the popularity of Captain Holt. Read on for some of the funniest Captain Holt quotes.

The series is enjoyed by viewers across the world.

13. “Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

14. “Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.

Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

15. “Coat, coat, jacket, coat. Is this a police precinct or a Turkish bazaar?”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

16. “Deputy Chief Wuntch: Hello, Raymond.

Captain Holt: Madeline. I wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing. What brings you here?

Deputy Chief Wuntch: I heard you were under investigation by Internal Affairs. Didn't wanna miss that.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

17. “So much time with your ear to the pavement, it's a pity a truck hasn't run over your head.”

- Captain Raymond Jacob Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

18. “Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.

Captain Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

19. “Deputy Chief Wuntch: I'm the front-runner for a job in the Boston PD.

Captain Holt: Boston? But it's so close to Salem. You do know what they do to witches up there, don't you?”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

20. “Captain Holt: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Jake: Yes.

Captain Holt: I was hula hooping. Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Jake: Oh, my God.

Captain Holt: I've mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.

Jake: Why are you telling me this?

Captain Holt: Because no one will ever believe you. [Deletes photos from phone]

Jake: You sick.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

21. “Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.

Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

22. “Captain Holt: Please be seated. Friends, colleagues, gawking New Yorkers, we are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago. I've known you both for the last five years. And it has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I'm sure will be a distracting childish marriage. I'm proud of you. And I love you both.

Jake: Permission to say it back?

Captain Holt: Permission granted.

Amy: I love you too, sir.

Jake: Love you, Captain.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

23. “I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car. And next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Mexico. I didn't even pack a bag. I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop.”

- Captain Holt, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

24. “Captain Holt: I threw away the photo because I think it's ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall.

Amy: Oh.

Captain Holt: But you would have me hang a Baroque oil painting of myself like I'm a North Korean dictator. What, no ornate gold frame? Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor?

Amy: We could add a horse.”

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

25. "Amy: But you hate humor.

Captain Holt: Well, I'm a joke now, so it suits me."

- ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Captain Holt quotes, then why not take a look at Stanley Hudson quotes, or ['Parcs and Rec' quotes].

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Kidadl Team

The Kidadl Team is made up of people from different walks of life, from different families and backgrounds, each with unique experiences and nuggets of wisdom to share with you. From lino cutting to surfing to children’s mental health, their hobbies and interests range far and wide. They are passionate about turning your everyday moments into memories and bringing you inspiring ideas to have fun with your family.

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