40 Best Blackadder Quotes From The Classic British Comedy

Devangana Rathore
Dec 12, 2023 By Devangana Rathore
Originally Published on Feb 18, 2021
Edited by Monisha Kochhar
Microphone and stool on a stand up comedy stage with reflectors ray

We were all very sorry to see the last of 'Blackadder Goes Forth', and seeing an iconic series for the last time.

The series has given us some of the best Blackadder quotes we could ask for. The popular series ended with the final season called 'Blackadder Goes Forth', and since then, it has been a permanent part of our lives.

The Blackadder is, about King Richard IV's second, and often ignored son - called Edmund. The series starts with him trying to win his father's approval, but as the years go by, he turns his motives to revenge - ensuing in a hilarious, and perhaps one of the best comedies of our times.

If you like reading quotes about the Blackadder, then do check out Stephen Fry quotes and 'The Office' Christmas quotes.

Blackadder Quotes From The Protagonist

The best Blackadder quotes come from the lead man of the series. The series stars Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie - with Hugh Laurie playing Prince George, and the former as the Blackadder.

Some of their best quotes are listed below, which have been lauded as great writing and very funny - and perhaps the best part of the series. Through a course of four seasons, this series has managed to earn the title for the best comedy series for its funny jokes, great performance, and all-round entertainment.

1. "I must say, when I came to see you, I had no idea I was going to have to eat your ship as well as hire it. And since you're clearly as mad as a mongoose I'll bid you farewell."


2. "He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr. Madman competition."


3. "Baldrick, believe me, an eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me, my plan - and THIS pencil."


4. "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?"


5. "Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market."


6. "Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot."


7. "You old rascal! Still, who cares? The day after tomorrow, we shall be in Calais."


8. "I've never had anything you doctors didn't try to cure with leeches."


9. "And while we're out, Baldrick, I want you to give this palace a good clean. It's so dirty, it would be unacceptable to a dung beetle that had lost interest in its career and really let itself go."


10. "Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin."


11. "The prince is about to die. The last thing he wants to do in his final hours is have words with a certified plum duff."


12. "Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit."


13. "Sir, I have been unable to replace the dictionary. I am therefore leaving immediately for Nepal, where I intend to live as a goat."


14. "Give the likes of Baldrick the vote and we'll be back to cavorting druids, death by stoning and dung for dinner, of course."


15. "There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside."


16. "Exactly. Now, men, General Melchett will be here at any minute. When he arrives, leave the talking to me."


Blackadder Quotes From Baldrick, Queenie, And Other Supporting Cast Members

The series has various supporting members, without whom, the series would not be half as great as it is. With people like George, Baldrick, Percy, Harry, and more, you can be sure of a funny and hilarious time with their dialogues.

That is why some of the most laughter-ensuing Blackadder quotes are with these characters.

They travel the world with the pivot of the show - Blackadder himself - with various misadventures along the way. Read on for some of the best Blackadder quotes from the supporting cast - and we promise your head will be hurting from all the laughter.

17. "Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed, just to see the expression on your face."


18. "Of course! I'd rather be a quack than a ducky. Good day!"

-Doctor Leech.

19. "Baldrick: Have you got a cunning plan, Sir?

Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you could brush your teeth with it!"


20. "Percy: Not bad. Ah, I see the target's ready. I'd like to see the Spaniard who could make his way past me.

Black Adder: Well, go to Spain. There are millions of them."


21. "Twelve months of chasing sheep and straightening the royal portraits, and now this."


22. "Wicked Child! Chairs are the work of Belezabub!"

-Lady Whiteadder.

23. "Edmund: Y-yes, um, I'm not so sure we're needed here, Baldrick. I mean, everything seems to be going very well, doesn't it? Everyone's fighting. Clearly having the time of their lives. Why, some people over there aren't fighting. They're just lying down.

Baldrick: They're dead, Sir.

Edmund: Ah. yes. I knew I'd forgotten something. Will you excuse me for a minute, Baldrick?"


24. "Well, sir, they can't say you didn't try. Now the future of the British monarchy lies fast asleep in your arms in the person of this infant prince."


25. "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."

-Prince George.

26. "You'll make a lovely bridesmaid, Baldrick. It's a pity I don't have any girl chums, because we were so poor growing up, we couldn't afford friends."


The Best Of Blackadder Quotes

Despite being four seasons in, the series continues to be just as funny as it was the first time around. It's loved and laughed at across the world, and many of the best Blackadder quotes have now become permanent quotables at parties and with history fans alike.

Read on for some of the best of Blackadder quotes - and let us know which of the Blackadder quotes are your favorite ones!

27. "Oh General, I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my ears."


28. "Never, sir! A man's pockets are his own private kingdom. I'll protect them with my life."

-Duke of Cheapside.

29. "Goodbye, Father. I shall go to London, disguise myself as a boy, and seek my fortune!"


30. "Very well. I leave my lands to the Crown and my soul in the hands of the Lord."

-Lord Graveney.

31. "I must clear away the chaff from my life and let shine forth the true wheat of greatness!"


32. "I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant."


33. "I appoint to the Holy See of Canterbury my own son... Edwin, Duke of Edinburgh!"

-King Richard IV.

34. "Mmm. Leave your lands to the Crown, and once you're dead, you'll have the time of your life."


35. "Fifteen years in France teaches a man to hate! Fifteen years of eating frogs in the war! Fifteen years of wearing perfume! Fifteen years of saying perdon! And all because of you!"

-The Hawk.

36. "I would like to confess in front of God, and this rather small crowd, that I have, on occasion, done things wrong."


37. "Hmm, interesting thought. Make a note of it, Captain Darling."


38. "Now, I'm afraid there's going to have to be a certain amount of... violence in war. But, at least we know it's all in a good cause, don't we?"


39. "May his name last as long as our dynasty!"

-King Richard IV.

40. "May it please the court, as this is clearly an open and shut case, I beg leave to bring a private prosecution against the defense counsel for wasting the court's time."

-Captain Darling.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Blackadder quotes then why not take a look at '80s movie quotes, or Chandler Bing quotes.

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Written by Devangana Rathore

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English Language, Master of Philosophy

Devangana Rathore picture

Devangana RathoreBachelor of Arts specializing in English Language, Master of Philosophy

Devangana is a highly accomplished content writer and a deep thinker with a Master's degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Dublin. With a wealth of experience in copywriting, she has worked with The Career Coach in Dublin and is constantly looking to enhance her skills through online courses from some of the world's leading universities. Devangana has a strong background in computer science and is also an accomplished editor and social media manager. Her leadership skills were honed during her time as the literacy society president and student president at the University of Delhi.

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