85 Best Shakespeare Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Christian Mba
May 01, 2024 By Christian Mba
Originally Published on Mar 12, 2024
Edited by Joan Agie
Fact-checked by Anusuya Mukherjee
A bustling Elizabethan marketplace embodying the essence of Shakespeare puns and jokes.

Get ready for a merry collection of Shakespeare jokes that bring the wit and wisdom of the Bard's plays straight to your funny bone. This journey showcases the finest Shakespearean puns and one-liners, sure to have fans of his work chuckling with joy.

These jokes encapsulate the humor in Shakespeare's plays, from the comedic mischief of 'Much Ado About Nothing' to the moving punchlines of 'Romeo And Juliet'. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a playful romp through the best Shakespearean joke fest that fits all ages!

Shakespeare Jokes To Tickle Your Elizabethan Fancy

A bustling Elizabethan cityscape, capturing the essence of Shakespeare jokes.

The English language owes much to the playwright who penned the lines that still resonate today. Here are some puns that would have made Shakespeare chuckle.

1. Did Shakespeare ever get competitive? Absolutely, he always loved a good play on words.

2. Why was Shakespeare so good at gardening? Because he knew how to prune and verse.

3. What do you get if you cross Shakespeare and a cow? A moo-ving sonnet.

4. Why did Shakespeare always write with ink? Pencil marks were 2B and not 2B.

5. Why did Shakespeare write in pen? Because trying to decide on a pencil led him to question, "2B or not 2B?"

6. What's Shakespeare's favorite fast food? MacbethDonald's.

7. What did Shakespeare say when he lost his quill? "O pen, wherefore art thou?"

8. Why didn't Hamlet trust the pastry chef? He heard that "one may smile, and smile, and be a villain."

9. How do you know if a Shakespeare play will be a hit? By the play's opening act, you know it's not all much ado about nothing.

10. What type of story does Shakespeare write when he's on a boat? A play on sea.

11. Where do Shakespeare's horses go when they're sick? To the horse-pital for a Midsummer Night's Dream.

12. Why was Macbeth always so fit? Because he was constantly jumping to conclusions.

A Garden of Shakespeare Puns: From Quills to Cow Sonnets

A Shakespearean garden scene with a storyteller and audience, embodying the charm of Shakespeare puns.

Shakespeare wrote plays that ranged from comedy to tragedy. These jokes echo the humor one might have heard around the Globe Theatre.

13. How do you cheer up Macbeth? You say, "What's done is done."

14. Did you hear about the great new Shakespeare play? It's a real page-turner!

15. What did Hamlet say to Ophelia in the boat? "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream."

16. Knock, knock! Who's there? Et tu. Et tu who? Et tu, Brute, open the door!

17. What exercise do Shakespearean actors love most? The stage runs; it's dramatic yet moving.

18. Why did Shakespeare break his promise? Because he decided that "All's Well That Ends Well."

19. Why was the actor who played King Lear advised to quit the job? Because he couldn't make any monologue!

20. What did Shakespeare's friends say about his work? "Will, it's outstanding, but we can't stand waiting for the sequel."

21. Where does Shakespeare go for a drink? To the pub, for a pint of Much Ado About Brewing.

22. Why was the Shakespearean actor always broke? Because every penny he had was a stage name.

23. Why don't Shakespearean characters ever go bald? Because every hair's a stage, and a follicle merely plays.

24. What did Shakespeare say to the impatient chicken who crossed the road? "Haste makes waste."

25. How did the Shakespearean actor propose to his girlfriend? "Wouldst thou perchance turn my soliloquy into a dialogue?"

26. Why do Shakespeare's plays never lose power? Because they have dynamic characters.

Shakespeare Jokes for the Modern Era

Some characters in Shakespeare's plays were specifically there for laughs. Channeling that spirit, here are a few more quips.

27. Why did Romeo and Juliet text each other? Because they couldn't find a good cell signal for their star-cross'd calls.

28. How did Shakespeare open his pub? With much ado about boozing.

29. Why was Macbeth always so tense? He had too many sleepless knights.

30. Why are Shakespeare's ghosts so bad at lying? Because they're transparent.

31. What do you call a gathering of Shakespearean villains? A playgue of scoundrels.

32. When is a Shakespearean play like a photograph? When it's full of negatives.

33. Why can't you trust Puck with your secrets? Because Oberon always finds out.

34. Why was Shakespeare's writing so smart? Because each quill was a feather in his wit.

35. How do you keep your balance in a Shakespearean work? You make sure not to have too much prose and cons.

36. What did Shakespeare say during his kitchen renovation? "Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"

37. Why was Shakespeare's comedy 'The Merry Wives Of Windsor' so surprising? It ended without a punch line, just a Windsor Knot.

38. Why don't Shakespeare's villains get cold? Because of all the soliloquies, they keep monologue-warming.

Thou Hast Wit: Shakespearean Language In Jest

An enchanting landscape blending scenes from Shakespeare's plays, perfect for showcasing Shakespeare puns related to his plays.

Using 'thou hast', the Shakespearean way of saying 'you have', these jokes beautifully play with the old-fashioned language.

39. Thou hast a clever mind, said the teacher to the student who wrote a play about a ghost. Is it a Hamlet you pen?

40. Why did the scarecrow win in Shakespeare's play? Because thou hast outstanding in his field!

41. What did Romeo say when he couldn't find Juliet? "Wherefore art thou, hast thou vanished into thin aire?"

42. Why was the ghost so haughty in Shakespeare’s play? Because thou hast an inflated ecto-ego.

43. What praise did the comedic actor receive? "Thou hast the gift of laughter, each jest a jewel."

44. How did the Bard compliment the baker? "Thou hast a savory hand in pies and a sweet in sonnets."

45. What did the jester say to the melancholy Dane? "Thou hast too much of a 'Ham'-let in thy thoughts."

46. Why did Shakespeare's pen stop writing? "Thou hast run dry, dear quill; thy ink fled to more heroic tales."

47. How did the lute player win over the crowd? "With nimble fingers, thou hast plucked at our heartstrings."

48. What did the fishmonger say in 'Antony And Cleopatra'? "Thou hast an eel by the tail, a slippery situation."

49. How was the actor in 'The Taming Of The Shrew' described? "Thou hast a sharp tongue, a real Shrew'd character."

50. What did the actor say when he forgot his lines? "Forgive me, for thou hast a mind sieve-like and tardy."

Double Entendres and Clever Wordplay: A Shakespearean Art

Shakespeare excelled in the art of double meanings, and this tradition is honored through clever wordplay.

51. Why did the chicken cross the road? To see a man lay bricks, or as Shakespeare put it, to watch a 'grave man' at work.

52. What was Shakespeare's favorite way to boil water? A tempest.

53. Why couldn't the actor decide whether to play Macbeth or Lear? He was caught between the devil and the deep blue 'see'.

54. When is a play not a play? When it's afoot, or so says the punning prince of Denmark.

55. What was Shakespeare's laundry tip? To wring, perchance to dry; aye, there's the rub.

56. Why did Shakespeare write in a tavern? Because every ale was a draft, and every draft held potential.

57. What do you get when you mix Shakespeare and an accountant? 'The Merchant Of Venice' - every transaction includes a pound of sense.

58. When Ariel was given a set of tasks by his master, he was bound to Prospero fail.

Jesters and Their Japes: The Lighter Side of Shakespeare

Even the jesters in Shakespeare's plays knew the power of a good joke to lighten a moment or illuminate a truth.

59. How does a Shakespearean jester light up a room? With his brilliant fool-bulb ideas.

60. What did the jester exclaim when he solved the riddle? "Prithee, the pun's the thing wherein I’ll catch the king's conscience!"

61. Why don't Shakespearean characters play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when the jester proclaims, "All's Well That Ends Well!"

62. How did the jester win the cookery contest? His wit seasoned every dish, and his repartee was the main course.

63. What’s a jester’s favorite fish? The wisecrappie, full of scales and jest.

64. Why was the jester so good at baseball? He always stood up to the bard.

65. How do you know a jester's love is true? When he says, "I wear my fool's cap only for thee."

66. Why was the jester always calm? Because he knew that present mirth hath present laughter.

67. What's a jester's least favorite plant? The serious tree. It's too grave to climb.

68. How does a jester prefer to travel? By punting down the Avon river.

Shakespeare Puns Related To Shakespeare's Plays

A vivid scene of a Shakespearean play on stage, embodying the timeless appeal of Shakespeare jokes.

Explore a trove of fanciful wordplay that dances through the themes and characters of Shakespeare's masterpieces. These puns delve into the iconic scenes and sparkling wit found within the pages of the Bard's diverse and enduring works.

69. Whenever the month of April comes, the 'Winter's Tail' is behind us.

70. Before acting in a Shakespearean play, you should not eat garlic and onions, for you are to utter sweet breath.

71. The chicken who boycotted the 'Hamlet' play production. Somebody had threatened to commit murder most fowl.

72. The new actor was Bard from playing 'Macbeth' because he was bad.

73. Titania kept her skin flawless because she always used Midsummer Night's Cream before going to bed.

74. Shakespeare would always make a Hamlet if he ever made breakfast.

75. William loved eating scared fruits. His favorite was Shakes pear.

76. When William rattles a globe in his hand, it becomes a Shake sphere.

77. Shakespeare's favorite song from 'Frozen' is 'Ham-let it go.'

78. What type of salad requires 23 knives in the recipe? A Caesar Salad.

A Concoction of Shakespearean Humor

A serene arrangement of Shakespearean books on a table, resonating with the charm of Shakespeare puns.

Ending with a mix of humor that might have impressed Shakespeare, this collection blends wit, wordplay, and the timeless charm of his work.

79. Why did Othello go to the supermarket? To get rid of Desdemona's 'berry'.

80. Was Shakespeare a great comedian? You bet! His plays were the talk of Avon, after all!

81. Why did Hamlet take so long at the bookstore? He couldn't decide whether to buy or not to buy.

82. What did the jester call his fake noodle? An impasta in Elsinore!

83. If Romeo had a car, who would be his favorite singer? Juliet Iglesias.

84. What's a skeleton's least favorite Shakespeare play? 'The Two Gentleman Of Verona', because it's not 'bone-chilling' enough!

85. Why was Hamlet a bad playmate? Because whenever it was his turn, he'd question, "To play or not to play?"


Who was Shakespeare?

William Shakespeare, one of the greatest writers in the English language and the world's preeminent dramatist, was an English playwright, poet, and actor. He was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in 1564 and is known for his remarkable work, including 39 plays, 154 sonnets, and two long narrative poems.

His plays are performed more often than any other playwright and have been translated into every major living language. Shakespeare's influence has endured over four centuries, and his plays provide insights into human nature that remain relevant to contemporary audiences.

What types of plays did Shakespeare write?

Shakespeare crafted a variety of plays, including comedies like 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', tragedies such as 'Hamlet', histories like 'Henry IV', and even romances which combined comic and tragic elements, such as 'The Tempest'.

Why is Shakespeare considered the greatest playwright?

Regarded as the greatest playwright of all time, Shakespeare's genius lies in his profound understanding of human nature, his mastery of the English language, and his innovation in dramatic structure. His plays offer a rich exploration of themes that remain relevant today.

How has Shakespeare influenced the English language?

Shakespeare enriched the English language by coining new words, inventing phrases still in use, and inspiring generations of writers. He is often credited with introducing over 1,700 words to English, including assassination, bedazzled, eyeball, gossip, lonely, fashionable, and manager, among many others.

What are some common themes in Shakespeare's comedies?

Themes in Shakespeare's comedies often include love and its complications, mistaken identities, the contrast between appearance and reality, and the rejuvenating power of nature.

Can children enjoy Shakespeare's plays?

Absolutely. Many of Shakespeare's plays have themes and stories that can be entertaining and educational for children when adapted for a younger audience. Humor, in particular, is a great way to introduce kids to Shakespeare.

Why do people still enjoy Shakespeare's jokes today?

Shakespeare's jokes continue to resonate with modern audiences because they tap into universal emotions and social truths, transcending time and speaking to the human experience with humor and insight.

In the end, jokes and puns allow one to engage with Shakespeare's works in a new and joyful manner. Playing with language just as Shakespeare did, one finds levity while recalling the remarkable range of human experiences penned by the immortal Bard.

With an ensemble of 85 entertaining Shakespeare jokes and Shakespearean puns, the timeless humor from Shakespeare's plays springs to life. Each Shakespeare joke carries the hallmark of his ingenious wordplay. Enjoy these quips, pass them along, and let the light-hearted spirit of Shakespeare's brilliance continue to spread laughter and merriment.

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Written by Christian Mba

Bachelor of Science specializing in Computer Science

Christian Mba picture

Christian MbaBachelor of Science specializing in Computer Science

Christian Mba is an experienced blogger and content writer with over a decade of experience. He holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science from Nigeria and has a keen interest in Python programming. Along with his writing and blogging expertise, he is also an SEO specialist with more than six years of experience. Chris, as he is commonly known, has a passion for music and enjoys playing the piano.

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Fact-checked by Anusuya Mukherjee

Bachelor of Arts and Law specializing in Political Science and Intellectual Property Rights

Anusuya Mukherjee picture

Anusuya MukherjeeBachelor of Arts and Law specializing in Political Science and Intellectual Property Rights

With a wealth of international experience spanning Europe, Africa, North America, and the Middle East, Anusuya brings a unique perspective to her work as a Content Assistant and Content Updating Coordinator. She holds a law degree from India and has practiced law in India and Kuwait. Anusuya is a fan of rap music and enjoys a good cup of coffee in her free time. Currently, she is working on her novel, "Mr. Ivory Merchant".

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