50 Best Tommy Boy Quotes That Will Have The Whole Family In Fits

Divya Raghav
Dec 12, 2023 By Divya Raghav
Originally Published on Jan 25, 2021
Edited by Isobel Murphy
Clapper and popcorn

'Tommy Boy' is a film that was released in 1995. The director Peter Segal and 'SNL' stars made it a huge commercial success. Chris Farley portrayed the protagonist, Tommy boy, and David Spade appeared as Richard.

'SNL' is known for escorting some of the finest comedians and actors with great performances, which is also the case with this film. It is filled with great performances and a comic storyline. Here are some uproarious 'Tommy Boy' movie quotes from Chris Farley, David Spade, and more.

Funny 'Tommy Boy' Quotes

Here are some comical quotes from the 'Tommy Boy' best scenes, spoken by Chris Farley, David Spade, and other actors. Can you spot a quote from your favorite 'Tommy Boy' scene here? Look out for the "Herbie Hancock" 'Tommy Boy' quote here too!

1. "Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?

Richard: No, your face does."

2. "Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug." -Tommy

3. "Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside." -Tommy

4. "Tommy: Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.

Richard: All right, that's it, fat boy, I'm gonna wail on you."

5. "Look mommy, the rhino's getting too close to the car." -Richard

6. "I'd rather take a butcher's word for it." -Tommy

7. "Richard: I need your John Hancock.

Tommy: It's Herbie Hancock."

8. "Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?" -Richard

9. "Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?

Richard: Yeah and just a shade under a decade too... Aaalright."

10. "I can't hear you, you're trailing off, and did I catch a niner in there?" -Richard

The Best Chris Farley Movie Quotes From 'Tommy Boy'

Here are some funny Chris Farley quotes from the famous 'Tommy Boy' fight scene, the 'Tommy Boy' restaurant scene, 'Tommy Boy' boat scene, 'Tommy Boy' deer scene and 'Tommy Boy' airplane scene. Phew, that is a lot of iconic scenes! Keep an eye out for the famous 'Tommy Boy' guarantee quote here too!

11. "I'm gonna go ask directions to our next huge embarrassing failure." -Richard, 'Tommy Boy'.

12. "Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

Tommy: Why..."

13. "I was checking the ah, specs on the end line, for the... rotary girder." -Tommy, 'Tommy Boy'.

14. "Reporter: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?

Tommy: Oh this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.

Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid or something?"

15. "I can practically hear you getting fatter." -Richard

16. "I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate!" -Tommy

17. "My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my butt kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a god darn bridge abutment!" -Tommy

18. "Okay... seatbelts. Just put the little thing into the big thing and... I tell ya what. If you don't know how to fasten your seatbelt, just raise your hand and I'll have Tommy boy here come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer." -Richard

19. "Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man."-Tommy

Here are some more comic lines including the 'Tommy Boy' housekeeping quote, prehistoric forest 'Tommy Boy' cars quotes, other quotes about the car in 'Tommy Boy' and 'Tommy Boy' chicken wings quotes from the 'Tommy Boy' script. These are some of the best David Spade and best Chris Farley quotes from 'Tommy Boy'.

20. "Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it."

21. "Kid: Hey Mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank.

Tommy: I didn't rob any bank!

Kid: Oh yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.

Tommy: I got a tiny head?"

22. "Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident." -Tommy

23. "I've seen some crazy stuff in my time, but that... was... awesome. Oh, sorry about your car, man. That... that sucks." -Tommy

24. "Richard: Oh, that sounds good! Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.

Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that."

25. "We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas." -Tommy

26. "Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.

Richard: I know. They're called doctors."

27. "I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward. I'm gonna graduate!" -Tommy

28. "You spray that thing for bugs?" -Richard

29. "He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?" -Richard

'Tommy Boy' Sales Quotes For Today's Salespeople

The 'Tommy Boy' sales pitch is just one of the many funny Chris Farley 'Tommy Boy' quotes below. We hope you enjoy it, along with a pinch of the best David Spade quotes as Richard from 'Tommy Boy'.

30. "Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the guarantee fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right Ted?” -Tommy

31. "Your dad could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves."-Richard

32. "That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman." -Tommy

33. "Tommy: Richard do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.

Richard: Nope, nothing... I thought I hit you on the shoulder."

34. "But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me."-Tommy

35. "Tommy: Um, we don't take no prisoners.

Richard: We don't take no for answer."

36. "I killed my sale. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead, Helen, am I right?"-Tommy

37. Tommy: Right here. Not here… or here so much… but right here.

Richard: No. Shipshape!"

38. "Oh yeah... We don't take no for answer! We don't take no for an answer"-Tommy

A Bunch Of Hilarious Quotes By Tommy And Richard

Here are a special bunch of hilarious quotes by both Tommy Boy and Richard that'll have you in splits of laughter.

39. "That's gonna leave a mark."-Tommy

40. "He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?"-Richard

41. "Ray Zalinsky: Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid?

Tommy: Sir it's a taxicab air freshener.

Ray Zalinsky: Good, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out."

42. "You better pray to the God of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up." -Tommy

43. "Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain."-Richard

44. “Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say: Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z.” - Ray Zalinsky

45. “Are you talking?”- Richard Hayden

46. “Ow, That’s gonna leave a mark.”- Tommy Callahan

47. “Richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision’?”- Tommy Callahan

48. “Him too afraid to get out. He just a little guy!”- Tommy Callahan

49. “I’m gonna go ask directions to our next huge, embarrassing failure.”- Richard Hayden

50. “Get yourself a new map.”- Gas Station Employee

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Written by Divya Raghav

Bachelor of Commerce specializing in Accounting and Finance, Master of Business Administration

Divya Raghav picture

Divya RaghavBachelor of Commerce specializing in Accounting and Finance, Master of Business Administration

With a diverse range of experience in finance, administration, and operations, Divya is a diligent worker known for her attention to detail. Born and raised in Bangalore, she completed her Bachelor's in Commerce from Christ University and is now pursuing an MBA at Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies, Bangalore. Along with her professional pursuits, Divya has a passion for baking, dancing, and writing content. She is also an avid animal lover who dedicates her time to volunteering for animal welfare causes.

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