Top 90 Clean Insulting Quotes That Are Hilarious And Perfect For Friends, Frenemies, And Siblings

Moumita Dutta
Dec 12, 2023 By Moumita Dutta
Originally Published on Feb 14, 2021
Edited by Jacob Fitzbright
Two male friends dressed in blue shirts

Sarcasm is the best possible way to get back at someone you hate or have a quarrel with.

But sometimes sarcastic quotes and funny insulting remarks also strengthen the bond between two friends because friendship is made up of laughter, fun, jokes, and comfort. Hurling a clean joke at your best friend might even bring a smile to their face because that way they'll know who their real and dear friend is.

Here is a list of the cleanest, meanest, insulting quotes that you can use to insult both your friends and enemies. You could also check out clever insulting quotes, clever insults, funny insulting quotes, insulting quotes for enemies and insulting quotes for haters

If you like our content, you can check out other great articles like teenager quotes or [inspiring quotes for teens].

Insulting Quotes From Shakespeare

You think being born in the Elizabethan age and writing plays will make a person uncool? Think again! Here is a list of the coolest insulting quotes from Shakespeare which also includes funny and insulting quotes.

1. "Four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one: so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a reasonable creature."

-William Shakespeare, 'Much Ado About Nothing', Act One, Scene One.

2. "Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage."

-William Shakespeare, 'As You Like It', Act Two, Scene Seven.

3. "Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver’d boy."

-William Shakespeare, 'Macbeth', Act Five, Scene Three.

4. "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

-William Shakespeare, 'Macbeth', Act Five, Scene Five.

5. "I scorn you, scurvy companion."

-William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV', Part Two, Act Two, Scene Four.

6. "If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt."

-William Shakespeare, 'Two Gentlemen Of Verona', Act Two, Scene Four.

7. "They have a plentiful lack of wit."

-William Shakespeare, 'Hamlet', Act Two, Scene Two.

8. "More of your conversation would infect my brain."

-William Shakespeare, 'Coriolanus', Act Two, Scene One.

9. "If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them."

-William Shakespeare, 'Hamlet', Act Three, Scene One.

10. "He has not so much brain as ear-wax."

-William Shakespeare, 'Troilus And Cressida', Act Five, Scene One.

11. "Your abilities are too infant-like for doing much alone."

-William Shakespeare, 'Coriolanus', Act Two, Scene One.

12. "There’s small choice in rotten apples."

-William Shakespeare, 'Taming Of The Shrew', Act One, Scene One.

13. "Foul spoken coward, that thund’rest with thy tongue, and with thy weapon nothing dares perform."

-William Shakespeare, 'Titus Andronicus', Act Two, Scene One.

14. "Thou art the cap of all the fools."

-William Shakespeare, 'Timon Of Athens', Act Four, Scene Three.

15. "His wit’s as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard."

-William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV', Part Two, Act Two, Scene Four.

16. "Away thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant."

-William Shakespeare, 'The Taming Of The Shrew', Act Four, Scene Three.

17. "Eater of broken meats!"

-William Shakespeare, 'King Lear', Act Two, Scene Two.

18. "You are now sailed into the north of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman’s beard."

-William Shakespeare, 'Twelfth Night', Act Three, Scene Two.

19. "Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade."

-William Shakespeare, 'Measure For Measure', Act Three, Scene One.

20. "Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile."

-William Shakespeare, 'Cymbeline', Act Three, Scene Four.

21. "You are as a candle, the better burnt out."

-William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV', Part 2, Act One, Scene Two.

22. "You, minion, are too saucy."

-William Shakespeare, 'The Two Gentlemen Of Verona', Act One, Scene Two.

23. "I do desire that we may be better strangers."

-William Shakespeare, 'As You Like It', Act Three, Scene Two.

24. "Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon."

-William Shakespeare, 'Timon Of Athens', Act Four, Scene Three.

25. "A fool, an empty purse. There was no money in’t."

-William Shakespeare, 'Cymbeline', Act Four, Scene Two.

26. "Away, you mouldy rogue, away!"

-William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV', Part Two, Act Two, Scene Four.

27. "Saucy lackey!"

-William Shakespeare, 'As You Like It', Act Three, Scene Two.

28. "Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows!"

-William Shakespeare, 'Troilus And Cressida', Act Two, Scene One.

29. "Was the Duke a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward?"

-William Shakespeare, 'Measure For Measure', Act Five, Scene One.

30. "I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets."

-William Shakespeare, 'As You Like It', Act Three, Scene Five.

Great Insulting Quotes From Movies

Here's a list of some of the best insulting quotes from pop culture and movies to rile up your friends, enemies, or even frenemies.

31. "This is my bargain, you mewer."

-'Avengers', 2012.

32. "Hey, where'd you get those clothes, the toilet store?"

-'Anchorman', 2004.

33. "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

-'The Breakfast Club', 1985.

34. "Do you know how hard it is telling people we’re related?"

-'The Cat In The Hat', 2003.

35. "You look like a badger."

-'The Favourite', 2018.

36. "You are literally too stupid to insult."

-'The Hangover', 2009.

37. "You hit like a vegetarian"

-'Escape Plan', 2013.

38. "My great aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life. She lived to be 102 and when she'd been dead three days, she looked better than you do now."

-'The Man Who Came To Dinner', 1942.

39. "Were you always this stupid or did you take lessons?"

-'The Long Kiss Goodnight', 1996.

40. "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you – he really is an idiot."

-'Duck Soup', 1933.

41. "To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people."

-'A Fish Called Wanda', 1988.

42. "Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?"

-'Roxanne', 1987.

43. "I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon."

-'The Princess Bride', 1987.

44. "To everyone here who matters, you're spam. You're vapour. A waste of perfectly good yearbook space."

-'She's All That', 1999.

45. "You're what the French call: 'les incompetents'."

-'Home Alone', 1990.

46. "You're tacky and I hate you."

-'School Of Rock', 2004.

47. "Are you a special agent sent here to ruin my evening and possibly my entire life?"

-'Phantom Thread', 2018.

48. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

-'Monty Python And The Holy Grail', 1975.

49. "Listen, you insignificant, square-toed, pimple-headed spy!"

-'His Girl Friday', 1940.

50. "Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.”

-'Knocked Up', 2007.

The Most Insulting Quotes From Literature

Here is a list of some clean and mean quotes including insulting quotes about love from literary works by famous authors that work great as insults.

51. "The simplicity of your character makes you exquisitely incomprehensible to me."

-Oscar Wilde, 'The Importance Of Being Earnest'.

52. "Money-makers are tiresome company, as they have no standard but cash value."

-Plato, 'The Republic'.

53. "I detest the masculine point of view. I am bored by his heroism, virtue, and honor. I think the best these men can do is not talk about themselves anymore."

- Virginia Woolf, 'The Years'.

54. "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well.

The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense."

-Jane Austen, 'Pride And Prejudice'.

55. "He would make a good lamp post if he’d weather better and didn’t have to eat."

-Kurt Vonnegut, 'Player Piano'.

56. "If you will forgive me for being personal… I don’t like your face."

-Agatha Christie, 'Murder On The Orient Express'.

57. "If I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on."

-Mark Twain, 'The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn'.

58. "A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions."

-George Eliot, 'Middlemarch'.

59. "I can tell you this — if the whole human race, ourselves excepted, were swept away, and we two stood alone on the earth, I would leave you in the old world, and betake myself to new."

-Charlotte Brontë, 'Jane Eyre'.

60. "I don’t think man has much capacity for development. He has got as far as he can, and that is not far, is it?"

-Oscar Wilde, 'An Ideal Husband'.

61. "All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."

-Fran Lebowitz, 'Metropolitan Life/Social Studies'.

62. "I misjudged you… You’re not a moron. You’re only a case of arrested development."

-Ernest Hemingway, 'The Sun Also Rises'.

63. "I rise…  

and I eat men like air."

-Sylvia Plath, 'Ariel'.

64. "He was a vicious gossip, with a vocabulary composed almost entirely of obscenities, guttural verbs, and the word 'postmodernist'."

-Donna Tartt, 'The Secret History'.

65. "The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."

-Jane Austen, 'Northanger Abbey'.

66. "In youth, it was a way I had, to do my best to please. And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories. But now I know the things I know and do the things I do, and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you."

-Dorothy Parker, 'Indian Summer'.

67. "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."

-J.K. Rowling, 'Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix'.

68. "He is simply a hole in the air."

-George Orwell, 'The Lion And The Unicorn'.

69. "Thou sink of iniquity - thou fiery-faced quintessence of all that is abominable!"

-Edgar Allan Poe, 'Loss Of Breath'.

70. "What are you now? A third-rate actress with a pretty face."

-Oscar Wilde, 'The Picture Of Dorian Gray'.

71. "You blithering idiot!…You festering gumboil! You fleabitten fungus!…You bursting blister! You moth-eaten maggot!"

-Roald Dahl, 'Matilda'.

72. "I could get you strung up in a tree so easy it ain't even funny."

-John Steinbeck, 'Of Mice And Men,'.

73. "I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result."

-Oscar Wilde, 'The Importance Of Being Earnest'.

74. "You are the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry."

-Jane Austen, 'Pride & Prejudice'.

75. "All morons hate it when you call them a moron."

-J.D. Salinger, 'The Catcher In The Rye'.

76. "She is nuttier than squirrel poo."

-J. K. Rowling, 'Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows'.

77. "If your brains were dynamite there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off."

-Kurt Vonnegut, 'Timequake'.

78. "She’s not leaving me. Certainly not for a common swindler who’d have to steal the ring he put on her finger."

-F Scott Fitzgerald, 'The Great Gatsby'.

79. "In my mind, Martha, you are buried in cement right up to your neck. No… right up to your nose… that’s much quieter."

-Edward Albee, 'Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf'.

80. "Well, well, well, well. If it isn’t fat, stinking billygoat Billy-Boy in poison. How art thou, thy globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip-oil? "

-Anthony Burgess, 'A Clockwork Orange'.

81. "He would make a lovely corpse"

-Charles Dickens, 'The Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit'.

82. "It should take you about four seconds to walk from here to the door. I’ll give you two."

-Truman Capote, 'Breakfast At Tiffany’s'.

83. "You’re not worth the trouble it’d take to hit you. You’re not worth the powder it’d take to blow you up."

-Richard Yates, 'Revolutionary Road'.

84. "My dear, I don’t give a damn."

-Margaret Mitchell, 'Gone With The Wind'.

Sarcastic, Geeky And Cool Insulting Quotes

Here is a list of some sarcastic insulting quotes for geeks that are so bad, they're actually good and cool.

85. "Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking… Nerf herder!"

-Princess Leia, 'Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back'.

86. "You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!"

—The Wizard, 'The Wizard Of Oz'.

87. "You're a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar-bears-only club."

-Blackadder, 'Blackadder Goes Forth'.

88. "You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity."

— Buzz Lightyear, 'Toy Story'.

89. "You know, you are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain."

-The Doctor, 'Doctor Who'.

90. "Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk ...The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, 'Stink, stank, stunk!'"

-Singer, 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas!'

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for insulting quotes then why not take a look at [high school quotes], or homecoming quotes?

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Written by Moumita Dutta

Bachelor of Arts specializing in Journalism and Mass Communication, Postgraduate Diploma in Sports Management

Moumita Dutta picture

Moumita DuttaBachelor of Arts specializing in Journalism and Mass Communication, Postgraduate Diploma in Sports Management

A content writer and editor with a passion for sports, Moumita has honed her skills in producing compelling match reports and stories about sporting heroes. She holds a degree in Journalism and Mass Communication from the Indian Institute of Social Welfare and Business Management, Calcutta University, alongside a postgraduate diploma in Sports Management.

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