30 Harry Potter Jokes That Even Muggles Will Love

Megan Wynne
Dec 12, 2023 By Megan Wynne
Originally Published on Aug 19, 2020
Edited by Jacob Fitzbright
Fact-checked by Sarah Hallam
Harry Potter movie main cast
Age: 0-99
Read time: 3.3 Min

These wizard jokes will have you laughing like Bellatrix by the end of this list.

Harry Potter is a classic story that many children enjoy. What could be better than watching the movies and reading the books? Telling magic puns about them of course! Here are 30 of the best Harry Potter jokes for kids that will tickle you more than the rictusempra charm!

Slytherin house costumes

General Harry Potter Jokes

For those who can't get enough of Harry Potter, here's 10 funny Hogwarts jokes that work like magic.

1) Q: What do you call two Quiddich players that share a dorm?

A: Broom-mates.

2) Q: Why was Harry Potter sent to Dumbledore's office?

A: He was cursing in class.

3) Q:Why doesn't Voldemort wear glasses?

A: Nobody nose.

4) Q:Why is Mad Eye Moody such a bad teacher?

A: He can't get his pupils under control.

5) What's a wizard's favourite kind of cereal?

A: Huffle Puffs.

6) Q:How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

A: Just one, they'll put their wand in and the world revolves around them.

7) Q:Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?

A: So you'll never know what side he's on!

8) Q: How would you get a magical creature in your house?

A: Through the Gryffin-door!

9) Q: Do you know anyone who could teach me to play Quiddich?

A: I'm sure Oliver Wood.

10) Q: How do the Malfoy's enter the room?

A: They Slytherin!

Knock Knock Jokes

 

Who's there? It's five more hilarious Harry Potter jokes.

11) Knock knock.

Who's there?

You know.

You know who?

Exactly! Avada kedavra!

 

12) Knock knock.

Who's there?

Harry.

Harry who?

Harry up it's getting cold out here!

 

13) Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dumbledore.

Dumbledore who?

This dumb o'l door won't open, please let me in!

 

14) Knock knock.

Who's there?

He who must not be named.

He who must not be named who?

I can't say who, that's the whole point!

 

15) Knock knock.

Who's there?

Who.

Who who?

*Hedwig flies away*

Harry Potter One Liners

 

These riddikulus Harry Potter puns are something you can Slytherin to any conversation.

16) If you don't like this Harry Potter joke, there's something Ron with you!

17) On a scale of one to ten, how obsessed am I with Harry Potter? 9 and 3/4!

18) What language does the postman use when delivering to Hogwarts? Parceltongue!

19) What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't? A nose!

20) Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his best friend and his potion pot? They're both cauldron!

21) How much does it cost Harry Potter and his friends to watch their favourite sport? A quid each!

22) Why did Snape cross the road twice? He's a double crosser!

23) Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? He doesn't have any friends, only followers!

24) How does Voldemort know Nagini likes him? She gives him hugs and hisses!

25) What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? Volt-demort!

Magic Harry Potter Jokes

 

To finish off the list, here are five more Harry Potter jokes that will make you laugh harder than a giggle potion!

26) Snape: The Dark Lord Voldemort is coming!

Dumbledore: Oh no are you serious?!

Snape: No, I'm Severus.

27) The innkeeper says "sorry, we don't serve time travellers here." Hermione walks into the Three Broomsticks with a time turner.

28) Two Hungarian Horntails walk into The Three Broomsticks. One of them says "Wow it sure is hot in here." The second one shoots back, "Shut your mouth!"

29) A wizard walks into the Three Broomsticks and orders a forgetfulness potion. He turns to the wizard beside him and says, "So, do I come here often?"

30) Professor Quirrell walks into the Three Broomsticks and shows the Dark Lord's face to the innkeeper. The Dark Lord orders a butterbeer and the innkeeper says, "I can't serve you, you're out of your mind!"

Editorial credit: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com
Editorial credit: Joyce Nelson / Shutterstock.com
 

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Written by Megan Wynne

Bachelor's degree specializing in Art

Megan Wynne picture

Megan WynneBachelor's degree specializing in Art

Dublin resident Megan is a lover of all things artistic. She's currently pursuing a degree in Art and enjoys experimenting with photography and painting. When she's not in the darkroom or the studio, you can find her enjoying the newest films at the cinema. She also loves spending quality time with her two younger sisters and discovering new things to do in the city.

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