100 Harry Potter Puns You Can Slytherin To Any Conversation

Sarah Wilkinson
Dec 12, 2023 By Sarah Wilkinson
Originally Published on Oct 15, 2020
Edited by Isobel Murphy
Fact-checked by Monisha Kochhar
Harry Potter movie main cast
Age: 0-99
Read time: 6.8 Min

Why Harry Potter Puns?

Looking for Sirius-ly humorous one-liners that every wizard, witch, and muggle should know? Here is what you’re looking for.

Whether while playing a Harry Potter video game or chatting with other fans of the fandom, these puns will be your best choice for a funny conversation.

If you want to talk to Harry Potter fanatics, these puns will surely help you to make good friends and get involved in the circle. Although some might elicit a groan more than a laugh, we are confident that these jokes would even put Moaning Myrtle in a good mood!

What Parents Should Know

Harry Potter teaches kids to make wise choices, never give up, and always do good.

These puns may add a touch of humour to your kids’ life if they love Harry Potter.

If you are a Harry Potter fan and want to introduce it to your kids, start by using these puns!

What To Talk About With Kids

Familiar puns like these Harry Potter ones will improve kids’ literature and vocabulary.

Kids will learn to be humorous and rhetorical.

These puns will make kids look smarter and more knowledgeable than their peers.

Funny Harry Potter Puns

1. Don’t get shufflepuffed on the moving staircase.

2. Don’t just Sprout out the answer in divination.

3. Fred is a bit of a Weasley character.

4. Growing up in Voldemort’s family was a Gaunting task.

5. Gryffindor’s aren’t known for jumping to the Ron conclusions.

6. How can wizards stop itching? Quidditch.

7. How does a wizard or witch get rid of a rash? With quit-itch.

8. How much does it cost to watch Harry play his favorite sport? A quid each.

9. I heard it through the Snapevine.

10. It’s hard to Flitwick a car into your purse without magic.

11. It’s probably best to be Lestranged from that family!

12. Lockhart, I was trying to ask you a question.

13. On a scale of 1-10, I am 9 ¾ obsessed.

14. Poor Potter cannot tell the difference between his potion’s pot and his best friend because they are both cauld-ron!

15. Rubeus is looking a bit Hagrid lately.

16. There are Severus factors you need to consider when fighting Voldemort.

17. We need to Riddle the world of Death Eaters.

18. What did one Gryffindor say to another? I Gryffin-adore you!

19. What do you call the center of the orange in Hogwarts? The Neville of the orange.

20. What do you get if you mix Harry Potter and Hagrid? Hairy Potter.

21. What will get you detention in Hogwarts? Cursing in class.

22. What would you call The Boy Who Lived if he got a beard? Hairy Potter.

23. What’d they say when Harry got the snitch? He’s a keeper.

24. What’s Harry Potter’s motto? Neville, give up!

25. When Hermione's around, Granger things happen.

26. When you are a Hufflepuff, you need to make sure every day you're hufflin'.

27. Why are wizards afraid to eat the pies? They are portkey pies.

28. Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione? He was looking in the Ron places.

29. Why did Dumbledore’s phoenix not speak? He had a Fawkes tongue.

30. Why did Harry Potter get detention? Because he was cursing in class.

31. Why did Harry Potter get stopped for speeding? Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol man.

32. Why do Gryffindors exercise? All those Gryffindorphins.

33. Why do wizards lock their doors at night? They’re afraid to get muggled.

34. Why doesn’t a wizard get lost? They are a wand-erer.

35. Why doesn’t Black laugh? He’s Sirius.

36. Why is Fred not going into the Chamber of Secrets? He's a-Fred!

37. Why was everyone avoiding Hermione? She was Grangerous.

38. Why was Harry Potter in trouble at school? Because he made fun of someone on Snape Chat.

39. You don’t find Harry Potter funny? There is something Ron with you!

40. You have to baron mind that Slytherins can go bad.

41. You might have a Helena of a time being a Ravenclaw.

42. You really shouldn’t be Sprouting in class.

43. You’re in for a Severus talking to if you haven’t read Harry Potter.

Harry Potter House Puns

44. Hogwarts house puns can Slytherin to any conversation.

45. How do Hogwarts students get down a hill? Walking… JK, Rowling.

46. How does the headmaster get into Hogwarts? Through a Dumble-door!

47. The Great Hall at Hogwarts is so massive it can fit four houses in it.

48. What cereal do they serve at Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs.

49. What do you call a Slytherin in winter? A Shiver-in.

50. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks? Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

51. Why can’t you hear through the headteacher of Hogwarts’ door? It’s a mumble-dore.

Hogwarts Teacher Puns

52. How does the head of Gryffindor see when swimming? She uses McGonagoggles.

53. McGonagall is a good teacher, but she can be catty.

54. What do you call multiple potions teachers? Several Snapes!

55. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army? Up his sleeve-y!

56. Which Hogwarts teacher gets the blame? Professor Snape-Goat.

57. Why did Luna get Hagrid's signature? She is a giant fan.

58. Why did Snape throw away so many potions? They were past their hex-piration date!

59. Why is Mad-Eye such a bad professor? Because he can’t control his pupils.

Harry Potter Dark Wizard Puns

60. How do Malfoys enter a building? They Slytherin.

61. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort.

62. What type of shoes does Voldemort wear? Horcrocs!

63. Why did Barty Crouch stop drinking Butterbeer? It made him Moody.

64. Why do Azakaban inmates have fresh breath? Because of de-mentoes.

65. Why do you never see dementors in Starbucks? They can’t stand espresso patronum!

66. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much? Because she gives him hugs and hisses.

67. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? Because he has followers, not friends.

68. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.

69. Why was Voldemort trying to listen to the Order of Phoenix meetings? He was nosy!

Harry Potter Wizarding World Puns

70. All I really wand to do is go to Hogwarts.

71. Don’t worry, owl be right there.

72. How did Snape get back to his office? He was Slytherin.

73. How does Harry Potter end an argument? He slams the Gryffindor!

74. I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4. But I keep hitting a wall.

75. I’ve started a wizard-themed food blog 'Fantastic Feasts And Where To Find Them'.

76. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?

77. Let me tell you the Pottercularly perfect Harry Potter pun.

78. Of curse, you can’t refuse.

79. Spells come in all Snapes and sizes.

80. What do you call a coughing quidditch commentator? A Weasley!

81. What do you call a postman that can speak to packages? A parcel tongue.

82. What do you call a Potterhead on a horse? Harry Trotter.

83. What do you call first-class mail at Hogwarts? The Hogwarts express.

84. What do you call two wizards who share a dorm? Broom-mates.

85. What is the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee contestant? One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

86. What kind of laugh does Newt Scamander make? A bowchuckle.

87. What mints does Hogwarts promote? Enchant mints.

88. When you’re a snitch, sometimes it’s a beater pill to swallow.

89. Where would Bellatrix play if she played the saxophone? Jazzkaban.

90. Which Harry Potter book is the darkest? Order of the Phoenix because that’s when it gets dead Sirius.

91. Why didn’t the students get 10s on their papers? They needed 9 3/4s.

92. Why do students avoid McGonagall in the hallway? She’s catty.

93. Why doesn’t Hogwarts promote externships? They don’t have de-mentors.

94. Why is Ollivander never home? He’s a wanderer.

95. Why is studying at Hogwarts confusing? Students aren’t sure witch-craft to choose.

96. Why was Ron shown the Dumble-door? He kept making terrible Potterpuns.

97. Wizards have a keen sense of spell!

98. You must admit that Harry Potter is a myst-sirius novel at times.

99. You really stupify me!

100. It’s important not to jump to the Ron conclusion!

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Editorial credit: Joyce Nelson / Shutterstock.com
Editorial credit: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

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Written by Sarah Wilkinson

Bachelor's degree specializing in Social Inclusion and Justice

Sarah Wilkinson picture

Sarah WilkinsonBachelor's degree specializing in Social Inclusion and Justice

With a Degree in Social Inclusion and Justice and a teaching qualification under her belt, Sarah has lived in various countries worldwide, including Turkey, Spain, and Poland. For a decade, she taught children before transitioning to writing. Sarah is enthusiastic about child and adolescent mental health and plans to pursue her dream of becoming a child psychologist. Currently residing in her hometown of Wigan, Sarah spends her free time writing about her interests and bonding with her family.

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Fact-checked by Monisha Kochhar

Bachelor of Arts Hons specializing in Modern Languages (French and Spanish)

Monisha Kochhar picture

Monisha KochharBachelor of Arts Hons specializing in Modern Languages (French and Spanish)

A Modern Languages graduate from the University College London, Monisha with a passion for travel and exploring different cultures. She is fluent in French and Spanish and is currently learning Hindi. Monisha enjoys discovering new foods and is an avid sports fan, following soccer and Formula 1. In her spare time, she enjoys playing tennis and watching TV shows.

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