40+ Best Hand Puns And Jokes To Take Five

Rajnandini Roychoudhury
Dec 12, 2023 By Rajnandini Roychoudhury
Originally Published on Dec 01, 2020
Edited by Flora Wilson
Wrinkled hands
Age: 0-99
Read time: 6.4 Min

Conversations and gestures go hand-in-hand to make a good handful of memorable encounters.

So when it comes to making good first impressions, having some hands down hilarious jokesis a must.  And when on the one hand, you have gestures and on the other some really hilarious puns and jokes about hands, nothing can go downhill.

There are a number of handy expressions and phrases that one can use to make some strong conversations. Though expressions like hands down, gain the upper hand or knowing something like the back of one's hand can have a serious tone, they sure can make some really good punch lines too.

Like when a lazy person asks "Who wakes up at 6.30 am in the morning?"

to an early riser, they can respond by saying, "Are you kidding me? 6.30 am is hands down the best time on the clock" Expressions like these do make sense technically as well as humorously.

So here is a list of some popular, well thought, and funny hand sayings, puns, and jokes that you will want to share in every community you visit. If you want to explore more body part jokes that are new and fun, why not check out knee jokes or, for something different, corn jokes.

Funny Jokes About Hands That You Will Love

A few random questions can give crazy funny hand jokes. Check these below that can make for some funny captions for Facebook posts.

1. How many bones do you think a human hand would have? Umm, a handful maybe?

2. What are the best names for your right-hand watchdogs? Rolex or Timex.

3. What did the cop say to a hand? You are under a-wrist.

4. What is the rudest thing to say to someone who has lost their fingers? We are crossing fingers for you.

5. What tree can fit in one's hand? A palm tree.

6. What would a Pope use to dry his hands? A papal towel.

7. What would you call a vocalist singing with a hand shower? A Faucetto.

8. Which is the best hand to write with? Neither. One should always write with a pen.

9. Why can't people with no hands tell what's wrong with a picture? They cannot quite put their finger on it.

10. Why can everyone clap with their hands except T-rex? Because they are extinct.

11. Why don't you give any credit to the elbow for bending the arm? Because it's a joint effort.

12. Why do the fingers refuse to agree with the thumbs? This is because the thumbs can be opposable.

13. Why do you think fingers are always a reliable body part? No matter what, you can always count on them.

14. Why is dry beef's handwriting very bad? Because it's very jerky.

Two hands cupped together to collect rainwater

New And Hilarious Hand Puns

See these great wordplays that continue to make a way through funny conversations filled with laughter or a giggle in life with friends. You are sure to find one or two puns that everyone will love!

15. A friend and I were doing laundry and she asked for a hand to dry the clothes. I said, "I would but my hands are TIDE".

16. A friend of mine met with a bike accident and broke his left hand. Oh, don't worry he's all right now!

17. After coming home from grocery shopping with my mom, I was trying to unlatch the door with one hand and asked my mother, "How do one-armed mothers do it?" she replied, "Single-handedly".

18. I caught a bee in my hand and started shouting beauty looking at my friend. Little did she know, 'beauty lies in the hand of bee holder".

19. I got my arm transplant done at a great money price yesterday. It sure was discounted at the second-hand store.

20. I recently got a prosthetic hand and working at the poker table would be a challenge but I think I can deal with it.

21. I wanted to look cool at my friend's dance class so I said anyone can do a handstand. When the teacher asked me to do it I asked my friend to place his hand on the floor and I merely just stood on it.

22. I was at the buffet line in a restaurant and as I asked what's special for today, a lady handed her baby to me. I smiled and said, "no thank you, I am a pure vegetarian". She was shocked I guess.

23. I was so great with political science that I knew it on the back of my hand. But now it is difficult to know my left from my right.

24. My father just won three hands in poker. He said, "Some people really gamble anything to keep playing."

25. My father slipped in the bathroom today and ask my mother for a hand. She started clapping and we all burst into laughter.

26. My grandfather was a soldier who lost all the feeling in his fingers after the war. I believe he's out of touch.

27. My mom was angry with my brother and she slapped him with a handful of coins on his face. I am sure this time she slapped some cents into him.

28. My sister broke her fingers after an accident. When the doctor came in and asked her a question about how she was feeling now, she said, "With my elbows mostly".

29. My sister fractured two fingers on her left-hand today. But on the other hand, everything is fine.

30. Yesterday a thief stole all the hand-sanitizers from the grocers. He sure made a clean getaway after all.

Short But Fun Filled Hand One Liners

Keep a sign of humor in daily life with these one liners that can help you get some new and funky captions for small posts too. Here you'll also find popular ring puns that can also at times be used for one hand jokes.

31. A guy I know has got a prosthetic arm. It is quite handy.

32. I've washed my hands so much that now are greeting me. It surely is because of my hi gene.

33. I auditioned for a carpenter's hand and nailed it.

34. I don't like it when my friend has a hand sanitizer and I don't. He's always rubbing it in.

35. If one ever cuts out their left hand, their right hand will be left.

36. Is it a fair deal to get married? On one hand, they would wear a ring, but on the other, they wouldn't.

37. I think a palm tree is just a tree made out of hands.

38. I went to my doctor and told him that I broke my arm in two places. He advised me to stop going to those places.

39. Never take out the bread earlier from the toaster. You'll burn your hand and it'll be quite toasty.

40. I was trekking through the forest, when I was astonished to see a deer attack a bear . I exclaimed, "Oh deer, he's gonna fight you with his bear hands!"

41. One arm told a joke to the other arm. I am sure the other arm found it very humerus.

42. People really gotta hand it to the short people. They can't reach it on their own.

43. The man who invented the wrist-watch probably had too much time on his hands.

44. When I got some fruit preserves on my finger, the doctor said they were jammed. He was kind of funny.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for hand puns then why not take a look at some hilariously boney bone puns, or for something more creepy take a look at skeleton jokes.

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Written by Rajnandini Roychoudhury

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English, Master of Arts specializing in English

Rajnandini Roychoudhury picture

Rajnandini RoychoudhuryBachelor of Arts specializing in English, Master of Arts specializing in English

With a Master of Arts in English, Rajnandini has pursued her passion for the arts and has become an experienced content writer. She has worked with companies such as Writer's Zone and has had her writing skills recognized by publications such as The Telegraph. Rajnandini is also trilingual and enjoys various hobbies such as music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading classic British literature. 

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