50 Spider Puns And Jokes For Kids

Zachary Macpherson
Dec 12, 2023 By Zachary Macpherson
Originally Published on Sep 04, 2020
Edited by Jacob Fitzbright
Fact-checked by Isobel Murphy
Colorful banana spider in the web.
Age: 0-99
Read time: 5.5 Min

Image © Pexels.

Some people love them, some people hate them, but we can all agree that spiders can be hilarious!

The eight-legged creepy crawlies make for some great joke material. If you're looking for funny jokes about spiders, you've done the right thing by looking them up on the web.

Perhaps you'll look at spiders in a new light after reading these funny spider jokes and spider web puns. If you want to learn more about spiders and maybe even find out where you can go to find them, you could go on a minibeast hunt around London.

If the real things still send a bit of a shiver up your spine, maybe you'd prefer making your own spiders out of pipe cleaners.

Image © Unsplash

Stupendous Spider Puns

On the world wide web, you're sure to find more than one funny spider pun or spider joke. We've collected some of the best spider jokes and puns right here!

1) Where do spiders play football? At Webley Stadium!

2) What does Spiderman do on his day off? He surfs the world wide web!

3) How tall is a spider? 8 feet!

4) What do you call the place where spiders meet? A website!

5) What's a spider's favourite hobby? Fly fishing!

6) What does a spider do when he feels sick? He looks up his symptoms on WebMD.

7) What do you call two recently married spiders? Newlywebs!

8) What do spiders eat in Paris? French flies!

9) Why do spiders like living in haunted houses? Because ghosts can't destroy their webs!

10) What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!

11) What did the spider say to the fly? Pleased to eat you!

12) How could the big tarantula find his partner online? He spider on the world wide web!

13) What do you call a hundred spiders on a tyre? A spinning wheel!

14) What's red and dangerous? Strawberry and tarantula jelly!

15) What's the difference between a spider and a web designer? A spider loves finding bugs in his web!

16) Why did the spider kid get told off by his mum? Because he was spending too much time on the web!

17) What kind of doctors are like spiders? Spin doctors!

18) What do you get when you cross a tarantula and a rose? I don't know, but I wouldn't try smelling it!

19) What did the spider say when he broke his new web? Darn it!

20) Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spider!

21) Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!

22) What are spider webs good for? Haunted houses!

23) What do you get when you cross a tarantula and a tiger? I don't know, but I don't want to stick around to find out!

24) What did the spider say to the bug? Pleased to eat you!

25) What do you call an undercover arachnid? A spy-der!

26) Why are spiders like tops? Because they are always spinning!

27) Why are spiders good swimmers? They have webbed feet!

28) Did you hear about the spider love triangle? It was a tangled web!

29) What do you get when you cross a spider with an eyeball? A website!

30) What would happen if spiders were as large as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!

31) What do you call a spider that can dance? A jitterbug!

32) Why are spiders bad at driving? Because they always spin out!

33) What do you get when you cross a spider and an ear of corn? Cobwebs!

34) What part of a computer does a spider use? The webcam!

35) What does a spider do inside your ear? It makes your head spin!

A wolf spider crawling through the grass.

Image © Unsplash

Silly Spider One Liners

Spider webs can have hundreds of lines, but these spider jokes only need one to get the punchline.

36) I just bought a new pair of trousers made from spider silk. They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.

37) A spider just crawled onto my keyboard. Don't worry, it's under ctrl.

38) My friend asked me to tell her some great spider jokes. I told her to look them up on the web.

39) A spider just got called up to the England cricket team. I've heard he's a great spinner!

40) I saw a gigantic spider in my room earlier. I named him Cotton Eye Joe, because I only wanted to know two things; where did he come from, and where did he go?

41) I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe. I don't care how big the spider is, nobody steals my shoes!

42) A shark, a crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar. Another normal day in Australia!

43) A couple of my friends have opened their door and been slapped by a loud, obnoxious spider. Looks like there's a nasty bug going around!

44) I felt so guilty after I stepped on a spider this morning. You should've seen him; he looked crushed.

45) I tried killing a spider with hairspray. It may still be alive, but its hair looks amazing.

46) I asked my friend if he knew what spiders ate. He didn't know, and told me to go look it up on the web.

47) Finding a spider at home isn't the scary part. The scary part is when it's gone!

48) I killed a spider with a pair of flip-flops. He looked so silly; they were way too big for him!

Image © WavebreakMediaMicro under a creative commons licence

Super Spider Anecdote Jokes

We all know a great one; a story about when we defeated a gigantic spider as big as. . . our little fingernail! Here are some good spider jokes and puns.

49) I told my teenage daughter to go get me an encyclopedia. She just laughed at me and said, "You're so old Dad, just use my phone instead."

So I threw her phone against the wall to kill the spider!

50) A young boy asked his dad for a pet spider for his birthday. The dad went to the pet shop to find out more about the creepy crawlies.

"How much do one of these cost?" he asked, pointing to the glass box full of arachnids.

"About 50 pounds," said the pet shop clerk.

"50 pounds!" the dad said, "Never mind. I'll just find a cheap one on the web."

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Written by Zachary Macpherson

Bachelor of Arts specializing in Politics and Modern History

Zachary Macpherson picture

Zachary MacphersonBachelor of Arts specializing in Politics and Modern History

Zachary's bold move to New York at the age of 15 opened doors to incredible experiences and strengthened his relationships with his younger siblings. Now back in the UK, he has discovered his passion for writing and music. Currently pursuing a Bachelor's degree in Politics and Modern History at the University of Manchester, Zachary showcases his dedication to personal growth and learning.

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Fact-checked by Isobel Murphy

Bachelor of Arts specializing in History

Isobel Murphy picture

Isobel MurphyBachelor of Arts specializing in History

With a love for exploring cities and finding outdoor spaces to enjoy, Isobel has spent her life exploring various cities in the UK, from her hometown of Surrey to Birmingham where she studied history for three years. She is passionate about sports and enjoys watching and playing, as well as baking and spending quality time with her loved ones.

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