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These funny animal quotes are a warm and humorous way to view our cute companions of the animal kingdom.
As you peruse these delightful and funny animal quotes, some of them will have you laughing outright, while some will leave behind a smile with their loveliness. After reading these funny animal quotes, check out these wildlife quotes or squad quotes to share with your friends.
Hilarious Animal Quotes
Here are some of the best adorable and funny animal quotes that shoot straight to the heart.
1. “The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
2. “The fate of animals is of far greater importance to me than the fear of appearing ridiculous.”
- Emile Zola.
3. “The heart of animals is the foundation of their life, the sovereign of everything within them, the sun of their microcosm, that upon which all growth depends, from which all power proceeds.”
- William Harvey.
4. “Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
5. “In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
6. “Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
7. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
8. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
9. “Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
10. “Animals are such agreeable friends -- they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”
- George Eliot.
11. “God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
12. “Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
13. “If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
14. “We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
15. “I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
16. “I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
17. “My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
18. “A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
19. “The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
20. “Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
Animal Funny Quotes
Read on for some incredibly funny animal quotes along with some cute animal sayings. You'll be in animal heaven with these funny quotes!
21. “Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
22. “If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
23. “Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud.
24. “Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
25. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
26. “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
27. “No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
28. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
29. “For decades I have tried to peel back the layers of mystery surrounding many marine creatures, though most have held tightly to their secrets. One animal that keeps me pondering is the shark. Spellbound by these enigmatic animals since I first encountered them in New England, I never tire of watching their special blend of power and grace.”
- Brian Skerry.
30. “Every time you lose an animal, it’s like losing a brick from the house. Pretty soon the house just falls down, you know?”
- Bindi Irwin.
31. “An animal’s eyes have the power to speak a great language.”
- Martin Buber.
32. “You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
33. “In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.”
- Thomas Szasz.
34. “I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
35. “Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
36. “Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
37. “A camel is a very awkward animal to ride, and it’s very hard to get used to because they’re not very graceful.”
- Gigi Hadid.
38. “Take the crocodile, for example, my favourite animal. There are 23 species. Seventeen of those species are rare or endangered. They’re on the way out, no matter what anyone does or says, you know.”
- Steve Irwin.
39. “There was never a moment in my life that I remember not being a crazy animal lover!”
- Beth Ostrosky.
40. “Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
Funny Animal Sayings And Funny Animal Quotes
Are you looking for funny animal phrases, funny zoo quotes and funny animal quotes? Keep reading!
41. “Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
42. “Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
43. “Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
44. “The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
45. “The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion.”
- William Blake.
46. "Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
47. “Never did he fail to respond savagely to the chatter of the squirrel he had first met on the blasted pine.”
- Jack London.
48. “To have a huge, friendly whale willingly approach your boat and look you straight in the eye is without doubt one of the most extraordinary experiences on the planet.”
- Mark Carwardine.
49. “The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.”
- Bill Vaughan.
50. “My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
51. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
52. “Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
53. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
54. “I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
55. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
56. “Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
57. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
- Mark Twain.
58. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
59. “Did you know that there are over 300 words for love in canine?”
- Gabriel Zevin.
60. “We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.”
- Immanuel Kant.
Cool Animal Quotes And Funny Animal Quotes
Read on for some more funny animal quotes.
61. “A canter is the cure for all evil.”
- Benjamin Disraeli.
62. “I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contained, I stand and look at them long and long.”
- Walt Whitman.
63. “There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before.”
- Robert Lynd.
64. “All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler.
65. “Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”
- George Elliot.
66. “The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
67. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
68. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
69. “There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
70. “Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled.”
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
71. “I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.”
- Gilda Radner.
72. “My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
73. “If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
74. “The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
75. “Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.”
- Sigmund Freud.
76. “My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
77. “Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
78. “A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
79. “After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
80. “Pets are humanizing. They remind us we have an obligation and responsibility to preserve and nurture and care for all life.”
- James Cromwell.
Funny Farm Quotes And Funny Animal Quotes
Find more quotes about our cute furry friends here.
81. “I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”
- Jean Cocteau.
82. “Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children.”
- Michael Morpurgo.
83. “Be kind to all pets and animals because they will be kind back to you.”
- Wesley Porter.
84. “There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”
- Albert Schweitzer.
85. “Cats have it all – admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it.”
- Rod McKuen.
86. “Birds teach us something very important: To whatever height you rise, you will finally come down to the ground!”
- Mehmet Murat Ildan.
87. “If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.”
- Pam Brown.
88. “The cat is there when you call her – if she doesn’t have something better to do.”
- Bill Alder.
89. “I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”
- Hippolyte Taine.
90. “Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent.”
- Milan Kundera.
91. “I think having an animal in your life makes you a better human.”
- Rachael Ray.
92. “You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense.”
- Jane Pauley.
93. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
- Josh Billings.
94. “No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you feel rich.”
- Louis Sabin.
95. “They say the smart dog obeys but the smarter dog knows when to disobey.”
- Amy Hempel.
96. “If a man aspires towards a righteous life, his first act of abstinence is from injury to animals.”
- Albert Einstein.
97. “Animals share with us the privilege of having a soul.”
98. “Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to.”
- Alfred A. Montapert.
99. "Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
100. “The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man.”
- Charles Darwin.
Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for funny animal quotes, then why not take a look at these animal house quotes, flamingo quotes and farm quotes.
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