85 Nurse Jokes That Will Always Get A Laugh On The Ward

A nurse is a licensed health-care professional skilled in assisting and supporting the patients' health.

The origin of the word nurse comes from a Latin noun, 'nutrix,' meaning 'nursing mother'. Florence Nightingale is regarded as the mother of modern nursing.

Here are some funny, entertaining nursing jokes that will amuse you. Sometimes, a good nurse joke is just medicine! These jokes might inspire you to help other people and care for other people by becoming a nurse.  We hope you enjoy these best nurse jokes!

P.s. Listen to whatever your nurse says.

For more interesting puns and jokes, check out 55 Best Doctor Doctor Jokes Sure To Cause A Case Of The Giggles and Medical Puns.

Funny Jokes About Nurses

These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. You'll also find common jokes like 'how many nurses does it take to screw a lightbulb' and other light bulb related jokes. Check out these one-liner nurse jokes filled with nurse humor.

1.How was the nurse's advice on Q-tips received? It went inside one ear and out of the other.

2. What did the nurse advise the patient got heartburn after eating a birthday cake? She advised him to take the candles off first.

3. What complications arose when the hospital hired a Roman nurse? She only issued the IV to bed number 4.

4. How does everyone know when a nurse is having a bad day? She won't stop needling people.

5. Why do nurses carry red pens and sharpies at work? In case they have to draw blood.

6. What did the nurse say when a patient who had multiple vegetables stuck to his body asked, "What is wrong with me?" You're not eating properly.

7. What were the three nurses saying about the invisible patient? We should tell him that the doctor can't see him right now.

8. What did the forgetful nurse say? I have a joke on amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

9. Why didn't one nurse find the other nurse's joke funny? She had an irony deficiency.

10. What did the nurse say to the tonsil? You should get dressed. The doctor is going to take you out.

11. What did Dracula say to the nurse? Please call the doctor. I can't stop coffin.

12. What did the nurse say to the patient's family? "I didn't have the heart to tell you that the doctor wasn't able to get the organ donor yesterday."

13. Why did the senior nurse appreciate the new nurses' work? Her alphabetized list of organ donors was well organ-ized.

14. What was the reaction of the patient who broke three ribs while lifting? He felt like he had a weight on his chest.

15. What did the guy say when the nurse informed him that she was about to deliver the baby? We want our baby to keep its liver, please!

16. What did the blood donor say to the nurse? "I feel super tired; it is such a draining process."

17. Did you get to know about the nurse who injured his entire left side? Don't worry, he's all right now.

18. What did the witch say to the nurse? I have an appointment with the doctor; I had a dizzy spell.

19. A ghost asked, "Nurse, can you tell me what does the X-ray of my head show? "Absolutely nothing!" she replied.

20. Heard about the guy who kept thinking he was a bell? The nurse asked him to go home and give her a ring if the feeling persists.

21. What did the nurse say to the rocket ship? It's time for your booster shot.

22. What did the nurse reply when someone asked, "Does an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Yes, if you aim it nicely.

23. What did the nurse say when a patient said, "I have swallowed a spoon"? Sit down, and please don't stir.

24. What did the patient ask when the nurse informed him that he had a-cute appendix? "Compared to whom?"

25. What did the rope say to the nurse? I have an appointment with the doctor; I have a knot in my stomach.

26. Why did the banana say to the nurse? I am here to see the doctor. I am not peeling well!

27. What did the bucket tell the nurse when she asked what happened? I am here to see the doctor; I have a pail face.

28. Heard about the man who cut his fingers using an electric saw? When a nurse asked about the cut-off fingers, the man said, "I don't have the fingers to pick them up."

29. Why nurses are always so calm? Because of patients.

30. What did the balloon say to the nurse during the routine checks up? I am feeling light-headed.

31. Why did the robot asked the nurse to call the doctor immediately? Because it had a virus.

32. What did the nurse said when a boy told her he stood on a LEGO? Try to block out the pain.

33. Why did the patient identify the nurse as a curtain? Because she was seen pulling herself together.

34. Why was the nurse found to be so nervous? Because it was his first shot in the hospital.

35. What did the nurse say when the patient said he felt like a carrot? The nurse advised him not to get himself in a stew.

36. What did the nurse say when a patient said he swallowed a watch? These medicines will help pass the time.

37. What did the pillow say to the nurse? Please help; I feel stuffed.

38. What were the nurses discussing at the medical conference? One of them asked, "Heard about the germ...? Oh never mind, I should not be spreading it around."

39. What did the cookie say to the nurse? I am feeling crumby.

40. Why was the nurse feeling mad? He ran out of patients.

41. How many nurses do you need to change a lightbulb? It takes just one nurse but she needs 20 seconds to change the lightbulb and 45 minutes to chart it.

Nursing School Jokes

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Funny nurse jokes and nursing school humor will surely tickle you up. If you're looking for the funniest student nurse jokes, you'll find them here. You'll also know what a nurse says in response to a joke. Here is a list of nursing student jokes filled with nursing school playfulness.

42. How was the invisible man cured? The nurse took him to the ICU.

43. How many nursing school students does it take to fit a screw on the wall? None, as students of nursing cannot put nails on anyone.

44. What did the student nurse say when the teacher asked to differentiate an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

45. Why did the nurse go to art school? So she could learn how to draw blood.

46. What did the senior nurse advise the young nurse about her first injection? Just give your best shot.

47. What did the senior nurse say to the patient? OB nurses are at your cervix in nursing school.

48. Why was the ambitious nursing student collecting skulls? She would do it to get a-head of everyone.

Knock Knock Jokes For Nurses

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These amazing nurses' jokes will make you all giggly. Here we have compiled a list of the best nursing jokes and funny jokes for nurses.

49.Knock, knock!

Who is there?

Night shift.

Night shift who?

Um, nevermind, it's not that important, it can wait till dayshift.

50. Knock knock!

Who is there?

Urine.

Urine who?

Urine in trouble if you forget to do the bedside report.

51. Knock Knock!

Who is there?

Yoda.

Yoda who?

Yoda, the best nurse ever, thanks for taking care of me.

Short Nurse Jokes

Amusing nurse jokes and one-liners will amuse you and make you laugh out loud. Check out this list of nurse jokes that also includes the funniest student nurse jokes and some funny night nurse jokes as well.

52. What is artery? The study of classical paintings.

53. The teacher asked the nurse what is bacteria? One of them replied, "Is it a back door to the cafeteria?"

54. What were the two nursing students discussing while doing their homework on biochemistry? One of them said, "Barium is what doctors do when their patients die."

55. Why did the new nurse try to make eye contact with her patient? The senior nurse asked her to cauterize.

56. What did the new night nurse reply when the senior nurse asked her about nitrates? Are they cheaper in comparison to day rates?

57. What did the nurse reply when the patient complained about her pelvis? Oh, is he your second cousin after Elvis?

58. What did the nurse say to the patient who fainted at the airport terminal? You have been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

59. What do nurses mean by postoperative? They think it's a letter carrier.

60. What did the history student say when the nurse informed him he had a seizure? As in Julius Caesar?

61. Why were the nurses so suspicious of the patient? He had a lot of secret-ion.

62. What happened to the kid who accidentally swallowed a pen? The nurse asked him to use a pencil until the doctor arrives and see him.

63. What did the mattress say to the nurse? I think I have spring fever.

64. What did the patient say when the nurse informed them that they would be administering an enema? But is it friendly?

65. What did the man say when the nurse needed to administer him quickly? Yes, please do it fester.

66. What did the nursing student ask when the teacher started teaching about D&C? Is this chapter about where Washington is?

67. What did the fashionista nurse say when the teacher started teaching about the new chapter on genes? Aha, here comes my favorite chapter!

68. What did the nursing student mean by pathological? The logical reason for choosing the right path.

69. What happens when a hospital doesn't have enough maternity nurses? They go through a grave mid-wife crisis.

70. What is the main commonality between a nurse and an elf that works at the North pole? Both of them work the whole year, but another person gets all the credit.

71. What is the main distinction between a nurse and a thirsty vampire? It is nothing! They both function during the night-time when most people are in bed, and draw their blood.

72. What would a nurse who works in the surgery department mention to a woman whose child consumed a penny by accident? I'm sorry, but we can't see any change in your child.

73. What kind of nurse does not require any equipment to draw blood? Nurseferatu.

74. How does Thor's nurse treat him back to health? She Norses him through the night.

75. How do night nurses feel when they think about their early days at the hospital and want to go back? They feel nursetalgic.

76. What would you call a night nurse that cared more about herself than her patient's health? Nurse-issitic.

77. Why was the night nurse so indecisive? She kept changing her shifts.

78. What did the night nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient's temperature? No, is it missing?

79. Why was the squirrel such a good night nurse? He could handle the ER going nuts after midnight.

80. Why was the nurse tip-toeing around the medicine cabinet? She was scared of waking up the sleeping pills.

81. Why are night nurses such bad dancers? Their circadian rhythm is generally off.

82. Did you read about the night nurse who was squashed by a load of books? The only person she could blame was hershelf.

83. Do you know why that man sent the nurse an X-ray of his entire chest? He wanted to tell her that his heart was indeed in the right place.

84. Do you know why that nurse joined HIPPA? I would tell you, but I don't want to take the accountability.

Long Nurse Jokes

Here's a funny long story nurse joke for you.

85. Three nurses died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth.

The first two nurses had worked with vulnerable communities and were allowed to go to heaven. When the last young nurse said she worked as a nurse at an HMO, St Peter said, "You can go to heaven too."

The nurse was very relieved, but as she entered, St Peter said, "you can only stay for three days, though, then you must leave."

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 85 Nurse Jokes, then why not take a look at doctor puns or blood puns?