41 Axe Puns That Are Scarily Funny

Emily Munden
Jan 24, 2024 By Emily Munden
Originally Published on Oct 29, 2020
Edited by Isobel Murphy
Fact-checked by Isobel Murphy
Man holding an industrial axe
Age: 0-99
Read time: 6.4 Min

Don't axe me if I think these axe puns are funny, I think they are totally axecellent.

Axes are one of the oldest tools, and might even have been the first ever tool used in the Stone Age. They're made from very hard metal with a wooden handle, and we use them to chop down trees and make firewood to stay warm.

These days the crazy sport of axe throwing has become really popular. It's a sport where people throw axes at a target, trying to hit the bullseye. It used to just be a sport that lumberjacks did for fun, but then the rest of the world cottoned on, and now it's practiced in the United States, and all over the globe! If you fancy your chances as a professional axe-thrower, or dream of a job as a lumberjack in the forest, you're going to love our axe throwing puns and funny lumberjack puns. There is so much funny wordplay with the word axe that this axe pun list barely even scratches the surface! Next time we are probably going to need an axe to hack through the amount of axe jokes out there!

Trust us, you'll want to share these funny axe puns with all your friends. Call it a random axe of kindness. And if these hatchet puns and axe puns are getting you in the mood for puns, puns, puns, it's best you check out these funny tree puns and jokes, or if you're saying "neigh" to trees, you're gonna love the best ever horse jokes, we are sure of it.

Lumberjack Puns

Amazing ancient tools

Lumberjacks are awesome, and these puns are the best, read them if you can hack it.

1. Finally the lumberjack has recovered from his injury. He's back in axe-tion.

2. The lumberjack was gutted when he lost his job. His manager was making cuts, and had to give him the axe.

3. I can never ever understand what a lumberjack is trying to say, it's so embarrassing. Try as I might I just don't understand their thick axecents.

4. The biggest difference between a lumberjack and any other profession, is that if you're a lumberjack you're at risk of getting axed at any point.

5. I used to watch the best TV show about lumberjacks. I was sad when it got axed.

6. The lumberjack didn't know what to do when his axe broke. He was really stumped.

7. Three-dimensional tools are so much better than anything else for chopping down trees. It's because they all have three axes.

8. I donated a golden axe to the lumberjack society the other day. I don't really know why I did it, I'm just a sucker for random axe of kindness.

9. The man failed at being a standup comedian, but when he retrained, he really excelled in his career as a lumberjack. I wasn't surprised, he was a total hack.

Activities Involving Axes

If you're looking for an axe throwing pun, or a funny pun about one of the many ways you can use axes, these puns are the best.

10. A man climbed a tree while he was holding his axe. He dropped it on an innocent bystander walking below. "Oh! I am really sorry," he said, "that was a total axeident!"

11. In the middle of the battle, the soldier pulled his comrade aside and said, "come on, let's just take a few minutes to relaxe. I don't want to give you a splitting headache!"

12. The time for the peace conference is over now. Now it is time for axe-ing.

13. I've heard that people in my town have been throwing axes at trees and animals in the middle of the night. There doesn't seem to be any reason for it, it seems like they are just random axe of violence.

14. Is it really necessary to chop down the apple tree in my back yard? I axe myself.  

15. I used to work in a job making axes, I was bummed when I got axed.

16. The biology teacher asked her students, "what separates your head from your body?" The student answered, "the axe!"

17. I was really disappointed when the axe I bought to climb trees with ended up being useless. It was a total anti-climb axe.

18. Yesterday I threw a huge axe and it hit my dad's car making a massive dent in the door. He wasn't angry though, he knew it was just an axecident.

19. The axe thrower loves the girl he throws axes at, but he's very clingy. He just constantly misses her.

20. The new ruler of our kingdom is a total savage. He's decided to axe-terminate the entire forest, just with his axe.

21. Wow, what an axecellent throw!

Even More Puns about Axes

If you axe me, these puns are the funniest.

22. I accidentally sprayed my deodorant in my mouth yesterday. Ever since then I've been speaking with a strange axe scent.

23. I get very scared when my teacher says to me, "if you have any questions, feel free to axe me after the lecture."

24. When someone asks you a stupid question, you've gotta just give them the axe straight away, there's no two ways about it.

25. The axe mentioned to the wood, "I need to axe you a question," but the wood wasn't having any of it. "Wood you cut it out!" he replied.

26. After a long time recovering from the injury I got during the axecident, but finally I am back in axetion.

27. Please don't axe me to help, I have no idea how to handle this situation.

28. Any axe murderer that goes to court for their crimes is going to plead not guilty. They always say it was an axecident.

29. The ant decided to name its middle segment "Stormbreaker." It was because it was his Thor-axe.

30. I've got an addiction for buying hatchets from other countries. I love the smell. I'm not ashamed of it though, I love foreign axe scents.

31. I got struck by a golden axe. Au!

32. I live for your random axe of kindness.

33. I spent four whole hours looking absolutely everywhere to try and find my axe. And then suddenly it hit me.

34. Hey man, no offence, but that looks like a total hatchet job.

35. Hey listen buddy, I've got a serious axe to grind with you.

36. The soldiers in the army looked at the battle and didn't feel scared like they thought they would. Surprisingly they found it very axe-citing.

37. Axe Body Spray have decided to make a new scent called "English." That way when you wear it, you can say that you have an English Axe scent.

38. I asked my top student to use the word schedule in a full sentence. She replied, "in the shed, you'll find an axe and a hammer."

39. Be extremely careful about what you axe for for Christmas. There's a small chance you just might get it.

40. I came home one night and found my computer with an axe straight through the middle of it. I think I must have been hacked.

41. The monster decided it was time to purchase an axe for himself. He was determined to get a-head in his life.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes, puns and riddles for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for hilarious puns about axes then why not take a look at the 50 best football jokes that will make the crowd go wild, or for something different take a look at 36 classic riddles that kids will love.

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Written by Emily Munden

Emily Munden picture

Emily Munden

An experienced Londoner, Emily loves to discover new and exciting places in the city, especially with her two younger brothers. She has a passion for fashion and design and is also involved in art charities that facilitate workshops for children with special needs and difficult home lives. Emily is a trained life coach and enjoys writing about general wellness, mindfulness, and healthy relationships.

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