147 Wood Puns That Are Solidly Funny

Persis Love
Dec 12, 2023 By Persis Love
Originally Published on Nov 01, 2020
Insect hotel in the city park.

These unbe-leaf-ably funny wood puns will make you pretty popular among your friends.

Wood, or lumber as it is known in the US , is all around us. From trees in the natural world, to a great deal of the furniture we have in our homes, we come across wood all the time.

For that reason, it's a great topic to have some funny one liners about up your sleeve to branch into when in conversation.

We have broken it down for you into several categories, from tree-mendous tree puns with wordplay on different species of tree, to puns that'll make the lumberjacks and DIY woodwork enthusiasts out there laugh. The lumberjack trade is a huge industry in the US and its style has seeped its way into mains-tree-m fashion too.

So, even if your nearest and dearest aren't working lumberjacks, there'll be plenty of opportuni-trees to whip a wood pun out.

For more laughs, take a look at these fire puns, tree puns and jokes and these 50 Cactus Jokes.

Funny Wood Puns

Have you got board of chatting about wood and need a bit of humour to spruce things up? Well these funny puns wood be just the ticket.

1. What sound do dogs make when they catch a stick? Bark bark.

2. Someone went into a bank with a sack full of shredding wood and asked to open a shavings account.

3. What's a lumberjack's favorite thing in the playground? A see-saw.

4. Boats carrying wood need to dock in the arbor.

5. I carved my name into a tree in my garden and my sister said I was being sappy.

6. Wood fired pizza, so now where is pizza going to get a job?

7. My doctor likes to use remedies taken from the forest as part of my tree-tment.

8. If you need to go to the bathroom while you are in a forest, make sure you take advantage of the toilet-trees.

9. Trees get online the same way as humans, they just log in.

10. It doesn't matter to a forest when a bank closes, that's because they have so many branches.

11. The tree was stumped because it couldn't get to the root of the problem.

12. Two trees met for the first time and really hit it off, they hoped it could blossom into a beautiful friendship.

13. A domed house made out of sticks is called a twigloo.

14. Trees are the best people to argue with because they are so good at throwing shade.

15. What do you plant when you want kisses? Tulips.

16. Leaves are always involved in risky business because they have to go out on a limb.

17. What do plants need to do to achieve equality? Smash the pa-tree-archy.

18. Poplars only really like mains-tree-m music.

19. What do trees say when they are in a really good mood? I'm tree-mendous.

20. Trees' favorite place to visit in the US has to be Caleafornia.

21. What did the tree wear to the pool? Swimming trunks.

22. Still one of the most popular bands among trees is S Shrub 7.

23. What do you call someone who walks through the forest on foot? A pedes-tree-an.

Celebrity Wood Puns

The best in celebrity tree puns, can you guess which famous person each of these trees is named after?

24. Spruce Willis.

25. Matthew Mahogany.

26. Clint Oakwood.

27. Benedict Lumberthatch.

28. Woody Allen.

29. Ashwood Kutcher.

30. Russel Branch.

31. Dwayne "The Log" Johnson.

32. Justin Timber-lake.

33. Spruce Sprigsteen.

34. Keanu Leaves.

35. Tree Diddy.

36. Queen LaTreefa.

37. Donald Trunk.

38. Woody Harrelson.

39. Morgan Treeman.

40. Roman Plantski.

41. Mother Treesa.

42. Plants Armstrong.

Puns About Trees

We wouldn't have a list of wood puns without trees getting a shout out now wood we? Luckily Kidadl has branched out beyond just the best wood puns to include many that are way better than just oakay.

43. I wood stay longer but I have to leaf now.

44. A ghost jumped out at the trees and said 'bam-boo!'

45. After making so many wood puns I think I better branch off into another topic.

46. I am building a table in my house but couldn't decide which type of wood to use, so in the end I just went with the most poplar.

47. What's the crime trees are most commonly imprisoned for? Treeson.

48. What's a pig's favorite type of tree? Mahogany

49. I want to change some of the wood furnishings in my house just to spruce things up.

50. Doctors recommend lumber support for trees that have hurt their backs.

51. Trees are often very releafed when spring comes around.

52. I need to know what kind of liquid comes out of trees right now, can you let me know A-SAP?

53. Which tree can you identify by its bark? The dogwood tree.

54. The only tree you can hold in your hand is the palm tree.

55. Weeping willows are so sad because they are always watching sappy movies.

56. When a tree doesn't know the answer to something it just shrubs.

57. The tree started examining its family history because it wanted to get to know its roots.

58. A pine tree's favorite genre of music has to be poplar music.

59. Saplings get educated at elementree school.

60. The best way to get an oak laughing is by telling it acorn-y tree pun.

61. The willow tree felt left out because it couldn't get in on the oak.

62. What do you think of these lumber puns so far? They are oakay.

63. Polite trees always say thank yew.

64. Trees aren't very solitary creatures, they are always connifering before they decide on something.

65. When trees manage to drop their seeds onto bears, they say the conkered the beast.

66. Here's a brief explanation of an acorn: in a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

67. Pine trees always get into trouble because they are so knotty.

68. Birches keep their valuables in the river bank.

69. Why do forests have so many different species of tree in them? Because they are part of the rich tapes-tree of life.

70. What does a horse chestnut do when it is really tired? It completed conkers out.

71. A forest's favorite type of literature is poe-tree.

72. The sight of an orange forest in fall is tru-leaf-ormidable.

73. How do trees get their work done at last minute? They maple an all-nighter.

74. What did the tree say when it was mistaken for an ash tree? I walnut stand for this!

75. Where do phoenixes nest? Out of the ashes.

76. The top holiday destination in the forest is the beech.

77. I'm only making these puns joakingly you know.

78. After you give me this log, I willow you even more money.

79. In which state do most acorns live? Oaklahoma.

80. Why did the tree stop watching TV first thing? Because it was sycamorning shows.

81. Which tree is most popular among indie kids? The aldernative trees of course.

82. An oak's favorite 'Lord Of The Rings' character is always Aracorn.

Lumberjack Puns

A whole logga log puns right here for the lumberjacks out there. If you have been pining for some puns, or have stumbled across some axe-identally and want to know more then you have come to the right place.

83. Excuse me please, can I axe you a question?

84. A lumberjack went to turn his chainsaw on but it wooden start.

85. The best lumberjack can cut wood in half by just looking at it. Trust me, I saw it with my own eyes.

86. Talking trees love to die-a-log.

87. How long have you been a lumberjack? I'm not entirely sure, I'll have to check the logs.

88. What do you say when you have cut down the wrong tree? Sorry, it was axe-idental.

89. What sort of food does the lumberjack want to have at their wedding? Mahogany roast.

90. I heard about one lumberjack that got fired for chopping down too many trees. He saw too much and had to go.

91. What's a lumberjack's favorite food? Chop Suey.

92. One lumberjack had been chopping down fir trees before taking vacation, she had been pining for a break.

93. What do pirates say when they are trudging through snow on their wooden legs? Shiver me timbers.

94. Why was the tree so confused after he was cut down? Because he was stumped.

95. Lumberjacks get lost when they take the wrong root home.

96. A lumberjack's favorite month is sep-timber.

97. What did the lumberjack say when the other lumberjacks were making fun of him? Cut it out!

98. You want me to cut down that tree we have seen a million times? Yes, that old chestnut.

99. When two countries want to reach an agreement about the timber trade, they both have to sign the tree-ty.

100. When logs are exported to another country they are called depor-trees.

101. I conifer you a 20% discount if you buy your wood from me.

102. When lumberjacks arrive in a forest, the trees find themselves in grove danger.

103. I never get board of lumberjack puns.

104. What is it called when tree offcuts are thrown away? Wood riddance.

105. A lumberjack's favorite book is the tree musketeers.

106. And their favorite film is Fight Shrub!

Puns About Woodworking

Calling all DIY and woodworking enthusiasts, if you are looking for puns about wood then we have nailed it for you! Ideal for social media posts of your new creations.

107. The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle.

108. I sometimes make clocks out of wood and once was given a wooden clock covered in brown swirls. I wouldn't accept that when I make them, knot on my watch.

109. What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do? Bored.

110. When you use a tool covered in Sriracha to cut a plank of wood in half, it's called a hot saws.

111. How can you tell if someone has been cutting wood and hasn't cleaned up properly after themself? If you saw dust.

112. The wood glue I just bought won't stick anything together. I guess I must have bought the wouldn't glue.

113. I wish I could go on a woodworking retreat, wooden it be nice.

114. I'm quite inexperienced with wood carving, I've only done a whittle.

115. When my woodworking teacher told me to attach two pieces of wood together I totally nailed it.

116. I wanted to include a joke about carpentry but I didn't think it wood work.

117. What do you call it when a few woodworkers get together to discuss the best types of flooring? A board meeting.

118. I find woodworkers always have very chiselled features.

119. What did the woodworker say when a plank he had been trying to get rid of turned up again? Knot you again!

120. What's a woodworker's favorite thing to eat with a hamburger? Chips.

121. Only woodworkers can go barking mad.

122. When you make your wood so shiny it can barely be seen, that'd called a varnishing act.

123. The best deals in the hardware shop are always buy one, get one tree.

124. Take a look at the tools in my tool shed, they're riveting.

125. When a friend tried to steal my ladder, further steps had to be taken.

126. Last time someone visited my workshop they took a fence. I swear I wasn't rude though.

127. If I tried to come up with my own woodworking puns I think I'd just screw them up.

128. Why did the wooden chest lose it? Because it had a screw loose.

129. When I first started doing woodwork and wanted to put up some shelving in my house I went to the library and asked the librarian, 'Do you have any books on shelves?'

130. I am addicted to repairing broken furniture, I am always looking for my next fix.

131. What do you call a woodworker who always wants to help others? A wood samaritan.

132. Why should you use a ruler to be accurate?  For wood measure.

133. What do woodworkers do when they need help? They dial for the support hotpine.

Christmas Tree Puns

The ultimate list of Christmas tree puns that will spruce up your festive season.

134. Clearing up after your Christmas tree can be a pine in the neck.

135. When the Christmas tree was decorated really badly it thought, what a pine mess you've got me into.

136. We decided not to get a Christmas tree this year. Are you fir real?

137. Why do people generally just get one Christmas tree? Because they tend to be very indepinedent.

138. Why does a Christmas tree bring good luck? Because good things come in trees.

139. When I saw how beautiful their Christmas tree was I was lost fir words.

140. There's a pine line between a fir tree and a Christmas tree.

141. My Christmas tree is ethically sourced, or should I say fir trade.

142. When Christmas trees get tired they wish they could go for-rest.

143. I never fir-get how beautiful Christmas trees are.

144. Watt's up, Christmas tree?

145. I am feeling just pine about the size of my Christmas tree.

146. Two is company, tree's a crowd.

147. Watch this spruce, my tree is going to be the best decorated in town!

Here at Kidadl we have lists of puns and jokes for every possible occasion. If you loved these wood puns, why not check out our rock puns that won't leave you stony-faced, or for something different take a look at these amazing sheep puns and jokes that are wooly great.

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Written by Persis Love

Bachelor of Arts specializing in Spanish and Portuguese

Persis Love picture

Persis LoveBachelor of Arts specializing in Spanish and Portuguese

Growing up with three young siblings and cousins, Persis loves discovering new games to play and activities to keep them all entertained. She has a Bachelor's degree in Spanish and Portuguese from the University of Oxford. Having spent most of her life in London since the age of 11, she enjoys exploring the city on her bike, checking out different parks and cafes. When she's not busy with her adventures in the city, she loves to travel and indulge in her passion for lino cutting, often taking her kit with her on her travels.

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