90 Blood Puns That Aren't In Vein

Rajnandini Roychoudhury
Dec 12, 2023 By Rajnandini Roychoudhury
Originally Published on Dec 01, 2020
Edited by Flora Wilson
Young women laughing together dressed casually isolated over yellow wall.
Age: 0-99
Read time: 10.4 Min

Blood is one of the most critical fluids of the human body but it's also absolutely fascinating to learn about.

Did you know that our blood is red due to the presence of a protein called hemoglobin? It takes iron and oxygen around our bodies for us.

Blood contains different types of cells that have definite functions.

Blood composes of red blood cells, platelets, and white blood cells. Red blood cells transport oxygen from one part of the body to another, while white blood cells are the body's defense. They fight off an illnesses or diseases that enter our bodies. Platelets make up scabs - they fix your body when you get a cut or a scrape.

There are mainly four types of blood groups among humans, A, B, AB, and O. Do you know what type you are?

Blood flows across the body through three channels, the arteries, veins, and capillaries, they all do different things and go different places. It's crazy how much your body does without you even knowing.

With this anatomical knowledge in mind, let's dive into the best of blood puns and jokes!

If you are interested in more such puns, take a look at our articles: 50 Zombie Puns That Would Even Raise A Laugh From The Undead and 71 Doctor Puns That Are Medically Hilarious.

The Best Blood Puns

Listed below are some of the best puns on blood bank, heart puns, and health puns. These puns are so funny that you might feel pain in your heart. Read at your own risk!

1. I had a blood test last week. I studied hard for it and got A+.

2. The doctor forgot to document the patient's blood type. It was a bad typo.

3. If you listen varicosely to your skin, then you can hear the sound of the blood.

4. I'm not too fond of sunny days. Whenever I go out, it makes my blood boil.

5. When white blood cells fail to fight off any infection, their effort goes in vein.

6. My blood reports went missing from the lab. I should have never trusted Dr. Acula.

7. Vampire pirates always cross the Red Sea in blood vessels!

8. Once, a priest, a monk, and a rabbit went to a blood bank. After the blood test, the rabbit exclaimed, "I think I am a type o".  

9. I was extremely anxious when I became a father, but it turns out that I actually am a good dad. Guess it's in my blood as I come from a long line of great fathers.

10. I asked my dad as to why our boat is called 'Blood'. He yelled at me, "It's a bloody vessel".  

11. If you ever need the blood of the B negative type, then getting it from a pessimist will be the best option.

12. A motivational speaker has B positive blood running through his or her veins.

13. To donate blood, I went to the Red Cross. They kicked me out of there screaming, "We don't need your type here".

14. A blood-drinking deer is called Vlad the Impala!

15. I once found out about a crazy parasite that also has blood-sucking tendencies. It was a lunatick!

16. The blood-sucking insect wanted to study Latin. I guess he wanted to be a Roman-Tick!

17. The battery which doesn't push oxygenated blood in our body is the pull-monary artery.

18. Physicians who deal with blood are wealthy, as blood cells.

19. A Midwestern's blood group is Ohio-positive!

20. Sometimes donating blood can be A negative experience, but you must B positive about it.

21. The blood vessel, which is totally mad and has immense power, is a megaloveiniac.

22. The deoxygenated blood cell was telling the other blood cells that they are all in vein!

23. Two red blood cells decided to get married together. So the platelets and the white blood cells wished them coagulations!

24. Green Goblin's blood consisted mainly of hemogoblin!

25. If a person donates blood in Portland, he or she automatically becomes an Oregon donor.

26. Vampires love drinking and sucking blood from the jugular veins of their prey as they are neck romantic!

27. A generous snake always kills its prey in cold blood!

28. The brain's favorite water vehicle is the cranial blood vessel.

29. Vampire bats usually keep their money in blood banks!

30. Vampires address each other by acknowledging them as blood brothers.

31. The favorite artist of all doctors is Vincent Vein Gogh.

32. Veinessa was scared of going to the hospital as the doctors found it very easy to draw blood from her.

33. I was invited to a Halloween party, which did serve good food. I went to the host and said, "I'll choose haemoglobe in a party like this'.

34. The artist liked coloring his paintings with blood as his paintings turned out to be bloody beautiful!

The Best Puns on Veins

Along with puns on veins, this category has blood jokes, blood donation puns, and blood donor puns.

35. Having a last name as King doesn't mean you have blue blood flowing through your veins. Trust me, I'm not Joe King!

36. The thief swore of Jesus that he didn't steal the jewelry, but the police sternly replied, "Never take the Lord's name in vein!".

37. The vein saw a pessimist blood clot and asked it to B positive!

38. The patient visited the doctor on a follow-up of vein thrombosis. The blood thinners didn't work, so the doctor said, "the clot thickens!".

39. The white blood cell, which was fighting bacteria in an artery, said, "I will not die in vein!".

40. The red blood cell was on a train, calling his wife when he said, ' I might lose you as I'm going through a capillary'.

Best Vampire Puns

Vampire kid wants to bite you.

Dress up as a Count Dracula and engage in the best of Halloween puns and medical puns that might actually stop your heart for a moment. Just kidding!

41. Never donate blood to a vampire, he will fangfully accept it.

42. Vampires are terribly afraid of sunlight. A few days of sun and they will bite the dust!

43. The vampire was unable to lure his prey into his mansion, so he decided to use Fang Shui to have the correct vibes.

44. A vampire goes to Starbuck and orders coffee. Of course, his order was a de-coffin-ated latte!

45. Vampires are terribly afraid of catching a cold. Else they can't stop the coffin all day long.

46. The chief of all vampires is very old, and as a result, has lost Count of all the blood he has sucked from his preys!

47. The vampire was lost on the highway, so I gave him the correct directions. He fangfully gifted me a bite!

48. Vampires are dangerous creatures who live in ancient castles and can kill a person inha-bite!

49. The naughty vampire loved to suck blood from the people necks door!

50. The Dracula's only blood in the water was sunlight!

51. Vampires and werewolves have a bad blood since time immemorial.

52. The vampire was thrown out of the emergency room as he wanted a blood transfusion!

53. A bat was hunted down by humans, and the entire bat family knew the news instantly because bat news travels faster!

54. Whenever a vampire visits a doctor, he greets him by saying, "Blood's up, Doc?"

55. The young vampires were upset when their demands weren't fulfilled. They went up to the chief and said, "Don't make promises which you Count keep".

Funny Vampire Puns

Enlisted below are the funniest of vampire puns, along with bandage puns, blood test puns, and cardiac puns.

56. The vampire was chased by a group of angry werewolves. So he ran like a bat out of hell!

57. The two vampire bats were quarreling amongst themselves as to who was the better blood hunter. One of them angrily said, "Anything you do, I can do it bat-ter".

58. The favorite Lady Gaga song of vampire bats is 'Bat Neck-Romance'.

59. The coven of vampires celebrated their holiday with joy, merrymaking, and by eating blood. It was, after all, Fangsgiving!

60. Vampires are usually happy when their prey are bite and beautiful.

61. The vampire took the job as a professional surgeon as it was in his blood.

62. The most favorite breed of a dog for vampires are bloodhounds!

63. The vampires had to give his blood, sweat, and tears, especially blood, to assemble such a huge organization!

64. Dracula was visually very upset at the fact that he didn't get any dis-count on the blood that he ordered.

65. Vampire bats are excellent mixed martial artists as they are great in the bloodsport!

66. The vampire's car stopped running in the middle of the road. On asking for help, he was advised to check the Bat-tery had enough blood!

67. The vampire-themed Halloween party was canceled at night. It, however, was rescheduled to take place at noon. Things got really blood to worse for the vampires.

68. When asked what they think about blood transfusions, the vampire said that it was just a new-fangled nonsense!

69. The vampire was upset at the party as others were dancing to salsa. He only preferred dancing to fang-dango!

70. Taylor Swift was attacked by a vampire. I think it was due to the fact that she had bad blood!

71. Three vampires went to a restaurant and ordered drinks. Two ordered blood, and the third ordered plasma. The waitress confirmed, "So the orders are two bloods and a light".

72. The stupid vampire was picked on by the others. They all referred to him as the silly-clot!

73. The favorite candy of all vampires is bloodsuckers!

74. If you ever cross a snowman and a vampire, you will most definitely get frostbite!

75. Vampires always prefer to drive on the highways. They were told it was the main artery!

76. I once met a vampire who gave me his visiting card. The address read 13, Blood End Street!

77. Vampires usually get all their jokes and puns from a crypt writer!

78. The vampire spent all day on an online shopping website looking for blood. But, he couldn't buy any as he kept on clicking the button which said 'Your a-count'!

79. Vampires are excellent artists and painters as they are masters in drawing blood!

80. There was an overflow of blood at the vampire's castle. To control the mishap, the vampires took the help of the blood control squad.

Best Wound Puns

Be prepared to be greeted with blood jokes, science puns, and a couple of heart anatomy puns. Be prepared with your dissection instruments!

81. The motorist had an accident and suffered a wound to the head. When he woke up, he found that he had wound up at a hospital!

82. The young boy who needed stitches was throwing a tantrum. So the nurse angrily said, "Suture self!"

83. If you ever get a deep wound, it would be cheaper to go to a comedy show rather than the hospital. You only need to pay the cover charges, and they will leave you in stitches!

84. Priests can successfully heal wounds before any doctors because they are the men of the clot!

85. While treating my wounds, the nurse kept a red pen with her if in case she needed to draw blood.

86. It is foolish to add salt to a fresh wound because it is going to bleed sodium much!  

87. The supervillain fighting Superman had a deep gash of a wound in his thigh. From that day onwards, he was named as the 'Lesion of Doom'!

88. If footballer Son Heung-min experienced a blood clot in his leg, it would be a Korea-ending injury!

89. My brother had to leave the army as his wound leaked blood in the uniform of the commander. It was a dishonorable discharge!

90. My little daughter asked as to why the blood on the actors and the actresses looked very fake in the new movie. I calmly replied, "It's due to the budget cuts".

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for blood puns, then why not take a look at vampire puns, or for something different take a look at llama jokes.

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Written by Rajnandini Roychoudhury

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English, Master of Arts specializing in English

Rajnandini Roychoudhury picture

Rajnandini RoychoudhuryBachelor of Arts specializing in English, Master of Arts specializing in English

With a Master of Arts in English, Rajnandini has pursued her passion for the arts and has become an experienced content writer. She has worked with companies such as Writer's Zone and has had her writing skills recognized by publications such as The Telegraph. Rajnandini is also trilingual and enjoys various hobbies such as music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading classic British literature. 

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