103 Cold Puns That Are As Cool As Ice

As the weather starts to turn at the end of the year from autumn into winter, we all begin to brace ourselves for the upcoming colder months.

In reality there’s nothing really funny about the cold weather kicking in after autumn, but to keep calm and carry on during the icy wintry weather, it’s nice to be able to find a giggle to warm you up.

Between the piles of snow that need to be shoveled, and the endless layers of blankets you hide yourself under in an attempt to keep warm, snuggling up with a good pun sounds, well... truly punderful.

Winter in both the northern and southern hemispheres is caused by Earth's axis in that hemisphere being tilted away from the sun. And if you think it is cold where you are, did you know the coldest winter on planet Earth occurs at the Polar Plateau in Antarctica, where the average mean annual temperature is a staggering -72.9° Fahrenheit?

There’s no denying cold weather brought on by winter and the changing of seasons also offers a great learning opportunity for your kids. You can also explain to them about the changes many animals go through.

To survive harsh winters, lots of animals have developed various survival mechanisms, such as migrating to warmer climates, hibernating until spring, storing food, changing colors to adapt, or some animals even grow a thicker fur coat.

Now complaining about the cold doesn’t get you anywhere, so why not warm up those chilly days with some cold weather puns? We have even thrown in some ice puns, and a handful of snowflake puns.

Not only are they great for making your kids laugh, but they also make excellent and creative captions for your Instagram and Facebook family snaps.

If you plan on keeping your days filled with winter adventures and activities with your little ones lighten the mood with these wonderful ice puns, glacier puns and snow jokes. Take a look at our fantastic autumn jokes and winter jokes for more seasonal laughs.

Super Funny Cold Puns

It's snow laughing matter, but if you are stuck outside waiting in the cold, pick your favorite funny winter puns from these to make the time fly by.

1. Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

2. If I have a purchased an icehouse and for some reason, it starts to fall apart, igloo it back together.

3. When we arrived at the ice-rink, the ruts were clearly visible. The maintenance crew there must be slipping up on its job.

4. Nobody could get a job at the ice-rink during winter, because the senior management had put a hiring freeze.

5. The man got cold feet because he fell asleep with his legs in a bucket of ice!

6. When ordering a birthday cake in winter, there is no need to ask for extra thick icing.

7. When it is still cold and snowing and the sun emerges, be on the lookout for snowbows.

8. The only way to stop the snow from giving you cold feet is by ensuring you don’t go around brr-footed.

9. During a heated work discussion, the two teams decided it would be best to take a walk into the frozen pond. They thought this would be the best way to break the ice between them.

10. Snowmen have a unique name they call their offspring. They love to refer to them as chill-dren.

11. When the snow boy fought with the snow girl, the latter gave him the cold shoulder.

12. In summer, the local musicians love to keep their trumpets in freezers because people enjoy cool music.

It’s So Cold Puns

Did you know there’s a whole series of winter puns related to freezing cold weather, beginning with “it’s so cold” ?

Did you  also know that 'chionophobia' is the word for someone with a fear of snow, especially the fear of becoming trapped by snow. The word is derived from the Greek words 'chion' and 'phobos', meaning “snow” and “fear,” respectively.

But don’t worry, there’s nothing to fear here, we have rounded up our top funny winter puns here you are sure to love, ice puns, and a few of the best puns about snow.

13. It’s so cold; we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.

14. It’s so cold the optometrist is giving away free ice scrapers with eyeglasses.

15. It was so cold we went skiing instead of swimming, you could say we were mis-sled.

16. It’s so cold today, I would like you to know this cold weather is snow much fun.

17. It’s so cold you have to open the fridge to heat the house.

18. It was so cold back last winter, Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.

19. It was so cold I stopped worrying about my acne, and ice started to worry about my goosebumps.

20. It was so cold snowflakes froze in the air, and the birds hopped on them.

21. It is so cold in winter; I saw polar bears are buying fur coats.

22. It was so cold Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.

23. It’s so cold here but I love it, there’s snow place like home.

24. It’s so cold that my thermometer goes down to “are you serious?”

25. How cold is it? I would say it’s so cold that you can only make chilly dogs.

26. It’s so cold I had to use my supermarket loyalty card to get the ice off my car. It only got 10% off.

27. It’s so cold in winter, the Police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.

28. It's so cold refrigerators are redundant.

29. It’s so cold in winter, I chipped my tooth on my soup.

30. It’s so cold I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.

31. It’s so cold, the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.

More Cold Puns

There’s really no shortage of incredibly funny cold weather puns. Here’s our next batch to warm you up, including ones about getting the “cold shoulder”, don’t roll your eyes just yet!

32. Did you know when you cross a scary vampire and a snowman, you get a severe case of frostbite.

33. When I told them, I have a nasty cold, they started laughing at me. I retorted, “It’s snot funny.”

34. At work they said they don’t appreciate my funny cold puns. That was not just insensitive but really cold as well.

35. The cold weather always comes towards the end of the year weather you like it or not.

36. When it gets really cold here, everyone rushes into their homes. It’s snow funny laughing matter.

37. When it became cold outside last night, we decided to chill in the store and have some coffee.

38. Taking a walk on an icy lake is snow problem, the thing is you have to brave the cold weather.

39. My friend told me the best diet in cold weather is icebergs and sweet chilly sauce.

40. It was a whirlwind winter romance, love at frost sight.

41. This soup is made with really cool beans, it’s chilly.

42. I found a dollar bill frozen in ice; it was cold hard cash.

43. It was just one dollar to enter the ice rink, what a cheapskate.

44. When someone wishes me a happy winter, it always leaves me cold.

45. I am not going outside again until the temperature is well above my age.

46. I fell over on the ice earlier. Nobody helped me, so I gave them all the cold shoulder.

47. Just-ice is a dish best served cold. If it were warm, it would just be water.

48. My favorite meal in cold weather is brrr-eakfast

49. I saw a cold horse over the fence, and I said howdy neighbrrr.

50. Earlier today got hit in the face by a snowball, it knocked me out cold.

51. I usually prefer cold weather, but only to a certain degree.

52. Don’t trust big changes in the weather. It’s just a front at best.

53. I saw a snowman looking through a bag of carrots for the best one; he was picking his nose.

54. I lost my job at the weather station. People gave me the cold shoulder; they were too chill for me.

55. The weather forecast was for cold rain, and sure enough, it was an ice day.

56. It's no laughing matter, my favorite cereal in cold weather is always frosted flakes.

57. I saw a slow skier earlier in the snow; I guess you could say a slope-poke.

58. It's Snow White. Can’t say fairer than that.

59. I’m such a rebel; I eat spring rolls during the cold winter months.

60. I had to sit a math exam in an unheated room in the middle of  an ice cold winter. I was cold and calculating.

61. I became a world-renowned expert on  ice and cold weather. And it only took me two degrees to do it.

62. The cold winter was harsh on the trees, but by spring, they were re-leafed.

63. As the cold weather started to improve, I saw a snowman have a meltdown.

Top Hilarious Cold Jokes

There are heaps of funny ice and snow jokes as well as puns with snow to love. Did you know each winter, at least one septillion (that’s the number 1 followed by 24 zeros) snow crystals fall from the sky?

Snow really is a fascinating topic. But if you are looking for laughs, sit back and chill with these jokes, the best we could find from here until Antarctica.

64. Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.

65. What do you call a friendly ghost on a very cold night?  Casp-burr.

66. Which kind of hats are so cold they are always frozen? Ice caps.

67. What are the only two seasons to occur in Antarctica? Cold and colder.

68. How do you search Google on freezing cold days? With the winter-net.

69.  When are your eyes, not your eyes? When the cold weather makes them water

70. What do you call an arctic ice-cold spell at the end of the year? Decem-brr!

71. How do you spot a glacier in a serious chill? You have to have good ice sight.

72. What’s faster, hot or cold? Hot because you can always catch a cold.

73. What happens when you put cold hot sauce on top of your hot food in winter? You chilly things up.

74. Why are colds useless criminals? Because they’re easy to catch.

75. Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.

76. What do you call kids when they’re out ice skating? You can call them chill-dren.

77. I saw someone stealing a glacier last winter. It was an ice-burglar.

78. Despite the really cold weather, we had a great lunch with the snowmen, we enjoyed lots of ice-burgers.

79. When you walk through the winter months with your eyes closed, the only thing you can catch is a cold.

80. I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.

81. You don’t like my ice pun? How cold.

82. Be careful, if you’re alone and get too cold in the snow, you might become ice-olated.

83. I believe the best scientists who are dedicated to experimenting with thin ice will achieve a big breakthrough.

84. Cold weather? Oh chill, it’s definitely snow problem.

85. I am a bit cold today in the snow, but it’s ice to meet you.

86. Everyone was amazed when they saw the boy heading into the ice cream store, he was covering himself with an umbrella. They later realized that he had been informed they were going to be sprinkles.

87. The bride refused to get married in an igloo; she got cold feet.

Cold Animals Jokes And Puns

Whatever the weather, animals always offer plenty of laughs and serve as the inspiration for a great pun or two. When animals hibernate for the cold winter months,  did you know contrary to common believe they actually aren't sleeping?

When the weather becomes really cold and food starts to fall in short supply, animals like hedgehogs, bears and bats intentionally become inactive to preserve much needed energy.

During the hibernation period, the heart rates and breathing of these animals starts to slow down the pace, and even their body temperatures drop.

Interesting facts aside, take a look through these top cold-related animal jokes and puns, from parrots to "polo bears"! Find your favorite animal and see which puns you can remember to tell your friends and family.

88. The pirate was sad when the parrot left; it gave him the cold shoulder.

89. Do birds know when it’s cold and they have to head south for winter, or do they just wing it every time?

90. I saw a cold eagle this morning in the snow, and he said, “I am a brrr-ird”.

91. What does a dog crave when it is indecisive, cold, and angry? Hmm Brr Grr.

92. What do you call a famous zoo where all the giraffes have colds in winter? Giraffe Sick Park.

93. What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigergator.

94. Which animals are the coldest in winter? Mice. Except for the M, they’re ice.

95. Why don’t ants catch colds? They have really tiny anty bodies.

96. Where do seals go to see movies in the cold weather? To the best dive-in around.

97. Why do bees prefer to stay in their hives in winter? ‘Swarm.

98. I saw a snowman with a dog; it was a slush puppy.

99. What’s cold, white and smells minty in winter? A polo bear.

100. Eskimos love keeping cows outside in the cold and snow. They call them eskimoos.

Punny Knock Knock Jokes

No collection of cold puns and jokes would be complete without a handful of classic knock knock jokes.

101. Knock! Knock

Who's there?

Icy cold

Icy who?

Icy cold polar bear over there.

102. Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Freeze,

Freeze who?

Freeze a jolly good fellow! Freeze a jolly good fellow!

103. Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Eddy,

Eddy who?

Eddy idea how I can stop this cold weather?

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes, puns and riddles for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for cold weather puns that are as cool as ice, then why not take a look at 60 Ho-Ho-Hilarious Christmas Puns, or for something different take a look at these great 58 Adorable Alpaca Puns.